Dating with kids
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Anonymous
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I’ve been going through a contentious divorce and dating. Divorce has gone on for 3 years but is nearing a close. I have been dating someone for 1-ish years and would like to introduce him to my children when the divorce is finalized, but ex-H is very emotional and angry and I’m concerned he may punish me in some way, when I share with him I will be introducing our son and daughters to this person.
How have these conversations gone? Any advice? |
Anonymous
| Why would you tell him? Don't. |
Anonymous
| Why? You’ve been having an affair? |
Anonymous
| OMG, give your children a chance to catch their breath before you throw more change into their lives. You do NOT need to introduce them now, at all. And I would say that regardless of your ex's reaction. |
Anonymous
No, I met this person 6 months after I asked for a divorce. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
We have been separated for over a year and a half now and living in different homes. |
Anonymous
Better he find out directly than through the children. |
Anonymous
Asking for a divorce is still being married so this is your affair partner. |
Anonymous
| How old are your kids? If elementary school or younger, you introduce them as a friend during an outing to a movie or something. No need to involve your ex until your friend begins staying over when your kids are there… which should take a while. |
Anonymous
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Have a serious, sit-down talk with your BF and let him know the ride is going to start getting VERY bumpy.
When you have an ex who is angry and difficult, it does not bode well for any of your future partners. You must fully expect that your ex will say and do everything he possibly can to poison your relationship - including using the kids as his weapons. Whether it is overt or covert comments or actions, your children are going to be on the front lines of bullets being fired towards you and your partner from your ex. Often, this never stops even when the kids reach adulthood. Especially if they have been indoctrinated for years that your partner is a bad person, he broke up the family, he doesn't want the kids around, and any other lie your ex can dream up. Tell your BF before you go any further in this relationship that he may very well wind up the scapegoat and it might never change no matter what he does. Ask him if he is ready for that... |
Anonymous
Only talk to him about the kids. It’s up to him to manage his emotions about your life , and that’s none of your business. |
Anonymous
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OP--I find this difficult to navigate as well. I've been divorced for 10 years and about a year ago, I started to date someone. I now have one in college and a HS Sr. I really just don't want to upset the apple cart when we're so close to being done. My BF wants me to tell the kids and my ex and I'm just not there. I'm not comfortable with him sleeping at our house and I date when my son is with his dad.
I don't have any good suggestions for you. I think it's just going to be an uncomfortable and awkward conversion. I'm not usually confrontation avoidant, but for this I am. One thing I will share with you after dating this guy for a year is that the feelings of "this is the one" come and go. I know I'm not ready until I have those feelings of "everyday I want to wake up with you". I don't at the moment. When we're together, we have a great time. But damn, I love my own space, binging Bridgeton, eating cheese for dinner, and going to be at 7, or not getting out of bed until 1pm. So at the moment, I'm doing nothing. |
Anonymous
| If you aren’t ready to handle your ex’s reaction you aren’t ready to get serious with this guy. Your ex’s reaction should be an unpleasant inevitability but one that does not impact you emotionally more than transiently. |
Anonymous
Asking for a divorce is not being divorced! You were MARRIED when you met this person. FFS. |