Petty vent- hate my dh on snow days

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:hire the person above

I am actually super-duper organized. I posted my blizzard checklist on another thread.

Good Wife/Mom Points - I hired out the snow shoveling and all the cooking, cleaning, laundry etc was done before the storm hit. We were sorted if we had lost electricity.

Here is the thing - my DH is a very good DH and my kids are good kids. They are motivated and successful in most other parts of their life. I manage for those occasions where their executive functioning skill is not up to par, and I ignore the minor behavior quirks that I don't quite like.

If your husband is able to hold down a job, there’s no reason he can’t independently manage a snow day. You’re just making excuses for him.

[Anonymous]

This is awful. I would be beyond livid.

Neither of us gets to sleep in unless we’ve mutually determined the other person is in charge. And if you’re in charge of the kids (which, snow day when you’re off and the other parent is working remote, is you all day, by default, OBVIOUSLY) then you’re in charge. Snow gear, lunch cleanup, all of it. And they were bugging you?!? Ugh.

You shouldn’t have to do this BUT: next time, you wake him 10 mins before you start work, go when you’re going to work, shut the door, lock it if you can, and don’t do one damn kid/household tasks until the end of your work day. A kid steps a toe in your room? “Out, mom’s working, go ask dad” and shoo them right out the door. Don’t even hear them out.

And I’d read him the riot act tonight.

[Anonymous]

At least have extra snow gear for the kids, or they could be like I was and have to just rewear the wet clothes. It’s getting wet again anyway. Otherwise, your DH sounds lazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is awful. I would be beyond livid.

Neither of us gets to sleep in unless we’ve mutually determined the other person is in charge. And if you’re in charge of the kids (which, snow day when you’re off and the other parent is working remote, is you all day, by default, OBVIOUSLY) then you’re in charge. Snow gear, lunch cleanup, all of it. And they were bugging you?!? Ugh.

You shouldn’t have to do this BUT: next time, you wake him 10 mins before you start work, go when you’re going to work, shut the door, lock it if you can, and don’t do one damn kid/household tasks until the end of your work day. A kid steps a toe in your room? “Out, mom’s working, go ask dad” and shoo them right out the door. Don’t even hear them out.

And I’d read him the riot act tonight.

+1. "Go ask Dad." They will get the hint.

[Anonymous]

Op here. He’s not usually a manchild but this has happened on snow days past. Or if he has to watch the kids while they’re sick. I had to cook dinner tonight even.

My job has always been our “flexible, kid friendly job” except I somehow became too good at my job, got promoted too much and make like 20k more than dh. So dh still treats my job like it doesn’t matter. His is his dream job and is a high stress job so it always takes priority. I honestly wish I had leaned out a bit and made less money/had an easier job. I lost all telework last year, so I’m trying to be super careful to work hard on the one telework day I have been given. I’m being tracked.

Anyways, dh is usually hardworking at home. I guess we all could have used a snow day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least have extra snow gear for the kids, or they could be like I was and have to just rewear the wet clothes. It’s getting wet again anyway. Otherwise, your DH sounds lazy.

Op here. We have high velocity boot and glove dryers plus normally I put coats and pants in the clothes dryer while they’re inside for a break. No need for multiples. Kids could have remembered to do this though, but they aren’t used to snow gear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. He’s not usually a manchild but this has happened on snow days past. Or if he has to watch the kids while they’re sick. I had to cook dinner tonight even.

My job has always been our “flexible, kid friendly job” except I somehow became too good at my job, got promoted too much and make like 20k more than dh. So dh still treats my job like it doesn’t matter. His is his dream job and is a high stress job so it always takes priority. I honestly wish I had leaned out a bit and made less money/had an easier job. I lost all telework last year, so I’m trying to be super careful to work hard on the one telework day I have been given. I’m being tracked.

Anyways, dh is usually hardworking at home. I guess we all could have used a snow day.

So what’s the conversation you’re going to have with him? Venting and whining are just a waste of time if you’re never going to actually communicate to your spouse about it. Then you’re just a martyr, and that’s not attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but I just have so much rage against my dh on snow days. He’s normally helpful. Today his work was closed, but I had to telework, kids school was closed.

He acts like a child on snow days. He slept in until 10am, spent 3 hours on the toilet (cumulatively) on his phone, hours on his laptop after, fed the kids “lunch” but left plates everywhere. The puppy needs extra help forcing her to go outside in snow so she repeatedly pooped everywhere indoors. The kids bugged me nonstop for help with their snow gear, waters and snacks. They were all upset their snow gear hadn’t been dried during lunch and was wet when they tried to go back out (he hadn’t put it in the dryer or boot dryer). You can’t believe the mess that is my house right now.

Im sure the kids will be off school all week and I’ll get zero work done and will need to take leave, so this was my only chance. He’ll likely have to drive to work tomorrow and leave me alone. I’m just angry. Friday I took annual leave because the kids school was closed and the house was immaculate when he came home.

Anyone else annoyed? Snow days suck.

There’s a definite communication problem here. I told my DH that I am teleworking so he’s in charge, and that’s it. I go to my office and shit the door, come out at lunch, and then go back in til the day is over.

That being said, he parents differently than I do, and his standards of cleanliness are not the same as mine. But when he’s in charge, he gets to decide everything, and I don’t interfere. Like in the wet gear example, I know my DH would tell them they need to figure out how to play indoors rather than spend time drying snow gear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but I just have so much rage against my dh on snow days. He’s normally helpful. Today his work was closed, but I had to telework, kids school was closed.

He acts like a child on snow days. He slept in until 10am, spent 3 hours on the toilet (cumulatively) on his phone, hours on his laptop after, fed the kids “lunch” but left plates everywhere. The puppy needs extra help forcing her to go outside in snow so she repeatedly pooped everywhere indoors. The kids bugged me nonstop for help with their snow gear, waters and snacks. They were all upset their snow gear hadn’t been dried during lunch and was wet when they tried to go back out (he hadn’t put it in the dryer or boot dryer). You can’t believe the mess that is my house right now.

Im sure the kids will be off school all week and I’ll get zero work done and will need to take leave, so this was my only chance. He’ll likely have to drive to work tomorrow and leave me alone. I’m just angry. Friday I took annual leave because the kids school was closed and the house was immaculate when he came home.

Anyone else annoyed? Snow days suck.

There’s a definite communication problem here. I told my DH that I am teleworking so he’s in charge, and that’s it. I go to my office and shit the door, come out at lunch, and then go back in til the day is over.

That being said, he parents differently than I do, and his standards of cleanliness are not the same as mine. But when he’s in charge, he gets to decide everything, and I don’t interfere. Like in the wet gear example, I know my DH would tell them they need to figure out how to play indoors rather than spend time drying snow gear.

Lol. I meant “shut the door” obviously

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is petty but I just have so much rage against my dh on snow days. He’s normally helpful. Today his work was closed, but I had to telework, kids school was closed.

He acts like a child on snow days. He slept in until 10am, spent 3 hours on the toilet (cumulatively) on his phone, hours on his laptop after, fed the kids “lunch” but left plates everywhere. The puppy needs extra help forcing her to go outside in snow so she repeatedly pooped everywhere indoors. The kids bugged me nonstop for help with their snow gear, waters and snacks. They were all upset their snow gear hadn’t been dried during lunch and was wet when they tried to go back out (he hadn’t put it in the dryer or boot dryer). You can’t believe the mess that is my house right now.

Im sure the kids will be off school all week and I’ll get zero work done and will need to take leave, so this was my only chance. He’ll likely have to drive to work tomorrow and leave me alone. I’m just angry. Friday I took annual leave because the kids school was closed and the house was immaculate when he came home.

Anyone else annoyed? Snow days suck.

There’s a definite communication problem here. I told my DH that I am teleworking so he’s in charge, and that’s it. I go to my office and shit the door, come out at lunch, and then go back in til the day is over.

That being said, he parents differently than I do, and his standards of cleanliness are not the same as mine. But when he’s in charge, he gets to decide everything, and I don’t interfere. Like in the wet gear example, I know my DH would tell them they need to figure out how to play indoors rather than spend time drying snow gear.

Sleeping until 10 isn’t “parenting differently.” It’s not parenting during those hours. And failing to care for the dog such that she pooped in the house multiple times is failing to meet any basic standard of competence. Praying he at least cleaned up after the dog and didn’t force you to do that. But I have my doubts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least have extra snow gear for the kids, or they could be like I was and have to just rewear the wet clothes. It’s getting wet again anyway. Otherwise, your DH sounds lazy.

Op here. We have high velocity boot and glove dryers plus normally I put coats and pants in the clothes dryer while they’re inside for a break. No need for multiples. Kids could have remembered to do this though, but they aren’t used to snow gear.

I mean they can also just wear wet clothes like 99% of the world does? "High velocity glove dryers" are not a thing most of the kids sledding have. Wet clothes and plates on the table is a pretty normal snow day for most people.

[Anonymous]

My husband was like this when our kids were tiny, it was awful and I was often angry and resentful. Then when covid hit and we both worked from home while our elementary school aged kids were home I hit a breaking point where I loudly pointed out that he was basically in his home office working in peace for 8 hours while I was also trying to work while making lots of snacks, meals, caring for the dog, etc. To his credit he really got it and we developed much better systems for working through this plus better communication about what we would need to do to run our home the next day and who would be expected to do what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least have extra snow gear for the kids, or they could be like I was and have to just rewear the wet clothes. It’s getting wet again anyway. Otherwise, your DH sounds lazy.

Op here. We have high velocity boot and glove dryers plus normally I put coats and pants in the clothes dryer while they’re inside for a break. No need for multiples. Kids could have remembered to do this though, but they aren’t used to snow gear.

This is such a waste. Everything else is a valid complaint, but not this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least have extra snow gear for the kids, or they could be like I was and have to just rewear the wet clothes. It’s getting wet again anyway. Otherwise, your DH sounds lazy.

Op here. We have high velocity boot and glove dryers plus normally I put coats and pants in the clothes dryer while they’re inside for a break. No need for multiples. Kids could have remembered to do this though, but they aren’t used to snow gear.

I mean they can also just wear wet clothes like 99% of the world does? "High velocity glove dryers" are not a thing most of the kids sledding have. Wet clothes and plates on the table is a pretty normal snow day for most people.

Op here. I get it. I’m just explaining why we don’t have multiples. I don’t think it’s okay to let kids go outside wet when it’s 20 degrees. We have the dryers due to a sport dh has and they’re very fast.

I agree though that it’s minor. The whole thread was a petty vent.

[Anonymous]

So many women deal with lazy husbands like this.

So glad I’m no longer married. It’s just me and the kids and even at grade school age they are pretty self sufficient and a blast. No more dead weight to manage.

My awesome boyfriend came out and finished digging us out. I made us all lunch and then he was on his way.