Why is it acceptable for men to act like an extra child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All them men in my life are/were hard workers and contributors. Father. Brothers. Uncle. Husband.

But, are they really "hard workers and contributors" if they can't also manage to adult and do things like meal plans, carpools, cleaning, laundry, etc? I think not.

Men work hard outside the home because they get paid for it (both immediately and in terms of the long term safety net), and they earn social capital. That doesn't excuse them when they behave like an extra child in the rest of family life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All them men in my life are/were hard workers and contributors. Father. Brothers. Uncle. Husband.

But, are they really "hard workers and contributors" if they can't also manage to adult and do things like meal plans, carpools, cleaning, laundry, etc? I think not.

Men work hard outside the home because they get paid for it (both immediately and in terms of the long term safety net), and they earn social capital. That doesn't excuse them when they behave like an extra child in the rest of family life.

I’m a man and I do all of that. More than my wife. I’m sorry you married poorly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All them men in my life are/were hard workers and contributors. Father. Brothers. Uncle. Husband.

But, are they really "hard workers and contributors" if they can't also manage to adult and do things like meal plans, carpools, cleaning, laundry, etc? I think not.

Men work hard outside the home because they get paid for it (both immediately and in terms of the long term safety net), and they earn social capital. That doesn't excuse them when they behave like an extra child in the rest of family life.

DP Male contributors in my circle manage meal plans, carpools, cleaning, laundry...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All them men in my life are/were hard workers and contributors. Father. Brothers. Uncle. Husband.

But, are they really "hard workers and contributors" if they can't also manage to adult and do things like meal plans, carpools, cleaning, laundry, etc? I think not.

Men work hard outside the home because they get paid for it (both immediately and in terms of the long term safety net), and they earn social capital. That doesn't excuse them when they behave like an extra child in the rest of family life.

DP Male contributors in my circle manage meal plans, carpools, cleaning, laundry...

+1. The men I know manage all that stuff. On average, women do a bit more home stuff and men do a bit more out of the house work, but I don't know anyone who isn't pulling their weight.

[Anonymous]

It’s as acceptable as wives accept it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s as acceptable as wives accept it.

+1 No family member can exploit you without your consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just curious.

It’s not acceptable. It’s the easy way out for them and they don’t mind destroying their marriage, relationships or kids. Easy. Way. Wins.

[Anonymous]

It’s not acceptable in the normal sense.
That behavior generates lost respect and attraction, and considerably more work and vigilance from the other adult in the house.
They other adult, the functional one, has to radically accept that their spouse is a dud, and has to try to pick up the slack so the children don’t suffer and the home doesn’t fall until disrepair.

Will that be as good as two functional adults and parents in the home? No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s as acceptable as wives accept it.

This. If it's acceptable to you, that's a you problem. If it's not acceptable to you, DTMFA and stay single until you find someone who meets your standards. I agree with PP upthread who suggests "screen more, scream less". Some women rush into relationships/marriages and accept whoever is available, then complain when they "suddenly realize" he's kinda trash. That's the man YOU picked. Longer engagements, dating longer before letting a man(child) move in with you, having some criteria before settling into a relationship (How does he fight? How does he handle no? How does he behave when he doesn't get his way?)... there are things you can do to pre-screen for a LOT of this behavior, and it's worth the invested time to save your sanity and resources.

If you're not putting in that effort and you end up with a manbaby, you're not stuck. You're a big girl. Leave. Childish men are as acceptable to you as you allow them to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s as acceptable as wives accept it.

+1 No family member can exploit you without your consent.

I did end the relationship, but, please, let’s not pretend it’s simple or easy.

I was 6 mos. pregnant with #2 when I started to plan leaving. Abusive tendencies don’t come out in the beginning of a relationship, sometimes not for years until the abuser feels the woman is firmly on the hook and can’t get away. And, yes, using someone else to do your mental and physical labor is an abuse of power even if it doesn’t involve physical abuse.

Ending the relationship took a serious amount of financial capital and a big social support network. I suffered from gaslighting and attempts at coercive control. And, while I left the man, the “extra child” behavior continues to this day - 2 decades later. Yes, I grey rock him, only communicate in writing (slowly and briefly), and just pay for everything myself because asking him to contribute his fair share just opens us all to more contact and bad behavior, but leaving the extra child doesn’t end the behavior although it does limit the space it takes up in our daily lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s as acceptable as wives accept it.

+1 No family member can exploit you without your consent.

I did end the relationship, but, please, let’s not pretend it’s simple or easy.

I was 6 mos. pregnant with #2 when I started to plan leaving. Abusive tendencies don’t come out in the beginning of a relationship, sometimes not for years until the abuser feels the woman is firmly on the hook and can’t get away. And, yes, using someone else to do your mental and physical labor is an abuse of power even if it doesn’t involve physical abuse.

Ending the relationship took a serious amount of financial capital and a big social support network. I suffered from gaslighting and attempts at coercive control. And, while I left the man, the “extra child” behavior continues to this day - 2 decades later. Yes, I grey rock him, only communicate in writing (slowly and briefly), and just pay for everything myself because asking him to contribute his fair share just opens us all to more contact and bad behavior, but leaving the extra child doesn’t end the behavior although it does limit the space it takes up in our daily lives.

It is simple for people with good judgement and the ability to read people.

It is hard for people who were abused as children.

For those of us with good judgement, we end the relationship the moment someone treats us poorly. It is very simple.

[Anonymous]

Is it acceptable? NO

Do family courts care? NO

Given the above, wives with children must find a solution to raising the children by sidelining the delinquent ManChild.

Is 50% custody with ManChild good for the children? NO
Is sidelining the ManChild and doing a gray divorce later better for the children? YES

So that’s what the family court system in America has created.
ManChild rights >>> Childrens rights

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just curious.

Men were hunters and women gatherers for a long time in human history. Evolution swing takes time.

As hunters the dumb ones would just fall of a lift or get eaten by a saber tooth tiger and die.

Nowadays they just hang out in the basement in their screens ordering out, living longer. Some might even garner a paycheck!

[Anonymous]

*cliff

[Anonymous]

I'm a Soft Boy