FIL died

[Anonymous]

There are a few whole movies about this. Like “One True Thing” which is just a fiction book, but these things happen all the time.

If you’re recently diagnosed with stage 4 that’s a different thing than just having some cancer.

From what you say, your FIL had a diagnosis. If there were legal documents changed between that time and the date of death, maybe. But not necessarily.

Are you challenging financials? Or do you want to accuse someone else in the family? If it’s your FIL that’s their family’s battle, not yours.

[Anonymous]

No, be grateful he’s not suffering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would knowing FIL chose to end his life rather than suffer longer help anyone? I doubt it. Let him RIP.

DH told me his father had repeatedly expressed his desired to die while sleeping.

I would repeatedly say this over and over again to my kids as well.

Who would not want to go out this way?

I pretty much hope fentanyl is available because 100% it sounds like an OK way to go.

I watch old time BBC shows and I’m like Opium? Morphine? OK

I have 3 different types of ongoing cancer at 60. I just want to sleep my way through the end.

[Anonymous]

Don't be a meddling witch, OP. Keep your suspicions to yourself. If you bring this up you will make yourself look really bad, if nothing else.

Frankly, your post reads to me like you might have mental health challenges that need to be addressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are a few whole movies about this. Like “One True Thing” which is just a fiction book, but these things happen all the time.

If you’re recently diagnosed with stage 4 that’s a different thing than just having some cancer.

From what you say, your FIL had a diagnosis. If there were legal documents changed between that time and the date of death, maybe. But not necessarily.

Are you challenging financials? Or do you want to accuse someone else in the family? If it’s your FIL that’s their family’s battle, not yours.

I am not challenging any financials. Just taking a back seat and trying to connect the dots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why?

My mother was dying of cancer and was at home bedridden under hospice care. We suspect she OD'd on her pain meds. The topic of confirming this with a blood test or in any other way never came up. Nobody cared abot that. We were sad she was gone, but relieved that she was not suffering anymore.

My bedridden mother in hospice begged for enough meds to end her suffering from the cancer. Of course she was told no, but it was brutal watching her until the very end. There were no tests or autopsy when she died.

[Anonymous]

Do you think it would comfort him knowing for sure his dad killed himself? Unlikely. Stop trying to stir up trouble.

[Anonymous]

What kind of meds did he have access to if he was early in his diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

OP,

Do you realize that this release is so much better than drawn-out suffering?

Of course your husband is sad. He lost a parent. But it doesn't mean this death wasn't a relief. It was. You and your husband have no idea, perhaps, of the suffering that end of life entails. It's horrible. I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and yet, it happens to most people. Ordinary folk are insulated from the dying process and do not know how bad it gets.

So no. Be inwardly thankful! And if anyone helped him to die, DO NOT expose them to the police. No autopsy if you can at all help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who dies in MD will have an autopsy done unless a doctor signs an order saying they expected the death.

What?! Since when? This didn't happen for us...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why?

My mother was dying of cancer and was at home bedridden under hospice care. We suspect she OD'd on her pain meds. The topic of confirming this with a blood test or in any other way never came up. Nobody cared abot that. We were sad she was gone, but relieved that she was not suffering anymore.

My bedridden mother in hospice begged for enough meds to end her suffering from the cancer. Of course she was told no, but it was brutal watching her until the very end. There were no tests or autopsy when she died.

That's not how it is now. Hospice nurses will take you out by increasing the morphine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who cares. I'd be celebrating if I was you.

I’m not celebrating despite having been discriminated by FIL and other members of the family.
When my mother died none of my ILs sent me condolences, offered support, or showed a tiny wave of empathy.
It brakes my heart seeing DH’s crying.

That's a very selfish reaction. Condolences from others and being upset at losing a loved one do not take priority over the last moments of the dying person. Those last moments (including the last days or weeks) need to be as pain-free as possible. Dying by inches from cancer, when pain meds do nothing to blunt your pain, is excruciating. If this person chose to leave early, I don't care what the law says. It's a wise decision, and other people's feelings are SECONDARY.

Stop making it all about you and your husband, and grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To what end? He had cancer and was going to die eventually.

Cancer isn't always terminal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why?

My mother was dying of cancer and was at home bedridden under hospice care. We suspect she OD'd on her pain meds. The topic of confirming this with a blood test or in any other way never came up. Nobody cared abot that. We were sad she was gone, but relieved that she was not suffering anymore.

My bedridden mother in hospice begged for enough meds to end her suffering from the cancer. Of course she was told no, but it was brutal watching her until the very end. There were no tests or autopsy when she died.

That's not how it is now. Hospice nurses will take you out by increasing the morphine.

This happened a few months ago. She was on increasing higher doses of a fentanyl patch. But not enough to kill her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone who dies in MD will have an autopsy done unless a doctor signs an order saying they expected the death.

Autopsies are only done by the state if the death is mysterious or suspicious. If a 75 year old man dies in his sleep, they are going to scribble "cardiac arrest" on the death certificate and never look back. The family is welcome to pay for a private autopsy if they don't agree, but otherwise it's a done deal.
In this case, what would be the end game of making a fuss over the cause of death? FWIW, many death certificates are wildly inaccurate and frequently a best guess. It's a last gift to the family to not have something controversial (such as suicide) on the death certificate. Let this one lay while the family mourns. It is what it is.