Parents who have children and grandkids they never see

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives 3 blocks from me and her grandchildren/great grandchildren and we see her twice a year for a total of 3 hours. She only calls when she wants to tell me something about herself and never asks how any of us are.

1 of my sister's She has no contact with at all for the past 20 years and has never met her 2 grandchildren. My other sister she speaks horrible of and sees/speaks to her once a year.

Now my brother her favorite child adopted a baby in July and she travels by train for 1 1/2 hours everywhere to stay the weekend with them.

My other 2 siblings live with her and shes either talking horribly about them or babying them.

How do you know she speaks horribly of everyone if you only talk to her 3hours per year? Does she spend those 3 hours talking shyt about everyone else?

How do you know she speaks horribly of everyone if you only talk to her 3hours per year? Does she spend those 3 hours talking shyt about everyone else?

Yes she does. Then on the rare occasion she calls i hear how this one is a fat ass who is like his father or how she doesn't understand how my sisters long term partner stays with her. When her own sister my aunt died she called her a whore who deserved to die.

[Anonymous]

My parents are like this. We text daily and they send gifts. That seems to be the extent of the involvement they want. We visited one year for Thanksgiving and they couldn't wait to get rid of us. I have also asked them to come here for a week to fill a childcare gap over the summer. They did come, but kept trying to get out of it at the last minute. Then complained the entire time. I give up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of undercurrent here. Not the same but I have two friends with toddlers nearby (my own is a teen). One of them I like babysitting for because their house is clean, their kid is easygoing, and it’s their first and I approve having at least one kid.
The other friend has two older kids, is mentally unstable but decided to have a third despite having no family support. She has a dog so the house is chaotic and smelly. The kid is quite attached to her so it takes her a while to warm up to strangers. The one time I babysat the kid kept trying to get into older kids’ rooms (the doors were closed) instead of playing with me. I did try to engage her, I am good at it, but the older kids would pass through and she would run after them. The longest couple hours ever.

You sound mentally ill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are like this. We text daily and they send gifts. That seems to be the extent of the involvement they want. We visited one year for Thanksgiving and they couldn't wait to get rid of us. I have also asked them to come here for a week to fill a childcare gap over the summer. They did come, but kept trying to get out of it at the last minute. Then complained the entire time. I give up!

This is similar to the parents I was thinking of. They’re not estranged. They just don’t want the bother.

I’m the opposite. I tell my kids to expect me to live close by if not in an accessory unit and to be a babysitter whenever they will let me!

[Anonymous]

Op, I know no one like you mention, and have never heard of anyone like this.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, my ex-FIL and wife live locally and we would see them a few times a year. They are just really wrapped up in their own lives.

In first grade my oldest made a family tree and she remembered to include my father, who died before she was born, but she forgot FIL, who is alive and living in the same town.

You show people what's important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I know no one like you mention, and have never heard of anyone like this.

You are from a functional family then.

[Anonymous]

I was married for 15 years with four kids. My MIL hated my guts. She made it very clear she only wanted DH.

After 15 years I handed him the phone when she called one night and said she's all yours. It is now your responsiblity have the kids keep in contact with her and you keep in contact with her.

He never talked to her again, and my kids are grown. She died recently and DH has zero regrets.

Do I think this was good of course not.

However, she did this to herself. I would have loved to have another mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom lives 3 blocks from me and her grandchildren/great grandchildren and we see her twice a year for a total of 3 hours. She only calls when she wants to tell me something about herself and never asks how any of us are.

1 of my sister's She has no contact with at all for the past 20 years and has never met her 2 grandchildren. My other sister she speaks horrible of and sees/speaks to her once a year.

Now my brother her favorite child adopted a baby in July and she travels by train for 1 1/2 hours everywhere to stay the weekend with them.

My other 2 siblings live with her and shes either talking horribly about them or babying them.

How do you know she speaks horribly of everyone if you only talk to her 3hours per year? Does she spend those 3 hours talking shyt about everyone else?

How do you know she speaks horribly of everyone if you only talk to her 3hours per year? Does she spend those 3 hours talking shyt about everyone else?

Yes she does. Then on the rare occasion she calls i hear how this one is a fat ass who is like his father or how she doesn't understand how my sisters long term partner stays with her. When her own sister my aunt died she called her a whore who deserved to die.

DP. I think she is legit mentally ill. My late mother never spoke well of anyone towards end of life and she was mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of undercurrent here. Not the same but I have two friends with toddlers nearby (my own is a teen). One of them I like babysitting for because their house is clean, their kid is easygoing, and it’s their first and I approve having at least one kid.
The other friend has two older kids, is mentally unstable but decided to have a third despite having no family support. She has a dog so the house is chaotic and smelly. The kid is quite attached to her so it takes her a while to warm up to strangers. The one time I babysat the kid kept trying to get into older kids’ rooms (the doors were closed) instead of playing with me. I did try to engage her, I am good at it, but the older kids would pass through and she would run after them. The longest couple hours ever.

You sound mentally ill

Okay you can think that but then so are the grandparents in question. When you don’t approve someone’s lifestyle or they just aren’t fun for you to be around you don’t visit. Simple as that

[Anonymous]

We only my in-laws if we travel to them which we do once a year. They go overseas yearly, a longer trip than visiting us. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, my parents are exactly like this. It's really sad and depressing for me.

There is no strained relationships, I think it's just that they aren't, and never really were, family-oriented people.

They retired very early (58) and decided to move clear across the country to California, to a town where they knew no one and had never been to before. They had absolutely no reason to move out there, no family out there, but they liked the idea of the California lifestyle and it was very different from the East-coast boring hometown I grew up in. I was okay with their move even though that same year DH and I bought a house and decided to settle in our current area (we've been here 20 years now). I was still okay with their move until my kids were born--I thought they would decide to move closer. But no. They were content being once a year grandparents. Meanwhile they traveled the world (multiple International trips per year) but still only saw us once a year. Keep in mind that they were retired, finances were not an issue, it's more that they weren't interested in being a part of our lives.

I asked them to move closer multiple times during those years, and they refused. Most recently, we had a discussion about it one year ago, when they started to slow down, but they still refused and they said they will never move. This really upset me because it is a 6 hour plane ride for me to come out there.

My kids are now 10 and 12 and they have seen their grandparents once a year on average. We usually go there over the summer. They have missed out on so much, but they don't seem to mind. They like how things are and have no plans to change it.

I do feel abandoned by them, and I have a lot of resentment towards them. Their refusal to move closer once the kids were born has caused our relationship to become strained. We're pleasant and polite, but distant.

I wish it were otherwise, but I have just accepted this is the way things are.

[Anonymous]

My MIL had a terrible marriage and never remarried or had other relationships after her divorce, which happened when she was still in her 30s. She’s a classic midwesterner and I’m from tne east coast. She was never supportive of my marriage to DH and has come to visit only a handful of times in our 15 year marriage, even counting when grandkids were born. We try to visit once a year but there just isn’t a family relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, my parents are exactly like this. It's really sad and depressing for me.

There is no strained relationships, I think it's just that they aren't, and never really were, family-oriented people.

They retired very early (58) and decided to move clear across the country to California, to a town where they knew no one and had never been to before. They had absolutely no reason to move out there, no family out there, but they liked the idea of the California lifestyle and it was very different from the East-coast boring hometown I grew up in. I was okay with their move even though that same year DH and I bought a house and decided to settle in our current area (we've been here 20 years now). I was still okay with their move until my kids were born--I thought they would decide to move closer. But no. They were content being once a year grandparents. Meanwhile they traveled the world (multiple International trips per year) but still only saw us once a year. Keep in mind that they were retired, finances were not an issue, it's more that they weren't interested in being a part of our lives.

I asked them to move closer multiple times during those years, and they refused. Most recently, we had a discussion about it one year ago, when they started to slow down, but they still refused and they said they will never move. This really upset me because it is a 6 hour plane ride for me to come out there.

My kids are now 10 and 12 and they have seen their grandparents once a year on average. We usually go there over the summer. They have missed out on so much, but they don't seem to mind. They like how things are and have no plans to change it.

I do feel abandoned by them, and I have a lot of resentment towards them. Their refusal to move closer once the kids were born has caused our relationship to become strained. We're pleasant and polite, but distant.

I wish it were otherwise, but I have just accepted this is the way things are.

Why didn't you move to California?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there’s a lot of undercurrent here. Not the same but I have two friends with toddlers nearby (my own is a teen). One of them I like babysitting for because their house is clean, their kid is easygoing, and it’s their first and I approve having at least one kid.
The other friend has two older kids, is mentally unstable but decided to have a third despite having no family support. She has a dog so the house is chaotic and smelly. The kid is quite attached to her so it takes her a while to warm up to strangers. The one time I babysat the kid kept trying to get into older kids’ rooms (the doors were closed) instead of playing with me. I did try to engage her, I am good at it, but the older kids would pass through and she would run after them. The longest couple hours ever.

You sound mentally ill

Okay you can think that but then so are the grandparents in question. When you don’t approve someone’s lifestyle or they just aren’t fun for you to be around you don’t visit. Simple as that

This was in response to the person posting who babysat for a few kids, one of whom was young and apparently didn’t enjoy the experience and tried to go to her older siblings