Let’s share secrets, big or small

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uh, none of these three examples have anything secretive about them.

And your last example is nothing more than flat-out bragging about what a hero you are.

Yeah, one of these days you are going to "check" the wrong person with your eyes and they are going to respond by blackening one of them.

Haha, you’re certifiable and I love it.

[Anonymous]

I punish my husband if he is wrong and doesn’t apologize by hiding his stuff and throwing away ugly shirts.

[Anonymous]

I met a couple with their two kids. Their new baby's name was Newt. I said, "Oh, like Newt Gingrich?" and they both got a horrified look on their faces and said, "Like Isaac Newton."

It seemed like it hadn't occurred to them that Lil Baby Newt might be thought of as Gingrich. I still giggle about that.

[Anonymous]

My father wears sneakers in the pool.

I helped Alec Baldwin change a tire in 1990 and he thanked me by shoving an eight ball of cocaine in my shirt pocket.

I intentionally sunk a boat on the Connecticut side of the Long Island sound.

I gave Dee Snyder the finger when he was in the dairy barn drive-through buying eggnog and a 2 L bottle of Pepsi.

I was paid $2000 to check into the Tropicana in Atlantic City under a different name to intentionally lose $3000 (took 30 minutes), ate a steak in my room and checked out the next morning at someone’s request.

I’ve only slept with one woman in my entire life, I’m handsome, charming and tall, we’ve been married for 25 years and she still doesn’t believe me that she’s the only one.

I was abused as a child by a man that lived across the street, his wife caught him but instead of comforting me or calling the police she hooked her finger inside my ear, twisted it really hard and said that if I told anybody she would tell our landlord to throw me and my mother out on the street. I never told anyone and it went on for probably another six months.

This was fun, I feel better, thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once upon a time, I was on an anonymous mommy chat board that was not DCUM. There were these two b****y women in DC's Music Together class who iced everyone else out and talked to one another the entire time like there wasn't a class going on. They mentioned the chat board at some point, so once I knew they used it I would eavesdrop on them and then post on the chat board about their conversations like I was one talking smack about the other.

This is really, really funny.

I once had an argument with a friend (no longer my friend) and her position was so absurd and gaslighting that I couldn't let it go. So I went on the reddit subthread r/AITA, which I know she reads religiously, and posted our disagreement but as her, outlining her argument for her behavior. People roundly declared her TA and I never heard from her again. No regrets.

Oooh that is SO satisfying!

[Anonymous]

I’m on a glp-1 and absolutely no one knows. I’ve lost 30 lbs and tell ppl it’s been 20 and that I just stopped drinking.
I hide my needles in my closet and dispose of them during garbage day when my husband is at work.
I hide the “stuff” in our fridge in the garage in a bag my husband will never open.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on a glp-1 and absolutely no one knows. I’ve lost 30 lbs and tell ppl it’s been 20 and that I just stopped drinking.
I hide my needles in my closet and dispose of them during garbage day when my husband is at work.
I hide the “stuff” in our fridge in the garage in a bag my husband will never open.

30 pounds is a lot! Do you feel amazing? How long did it take? Did your metabolism change or do you just not eat and if it’s the latter hasn’t anyone noticed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m on a glp-1 and absolutely no one knows. I’ve lost 30 lbs and tell ppl it’s been 20 and that I just stopped drinking.
I hide my needles in my closet and dispose of them during garbage day when my husband is at work.
I hide the “stuff” in our fridge in the garage in a bag my husband will never open.

30 pounds is a lot! Do you feel amazing? How long did it take? Did your metabolism change or do you just not eat and if it’s the latter hasn’t anyone noticed?

I feel great. No desire to eat much but enough. Took about 6 months. I took it very slow.
I did stop drinking. I was recently diagnosed with an inflammatory disease and not drinking needed to happen anyway. And that’s what I tell ppl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father wears sneakers in the pool.

I helped Alec Baldwin change a tire in 1990 and he thanked me by shoving an eight ball of cocaine in my shirt pocket.

I intentionally sunk a boat on the Connecticut side of the Long Island sound.

I gave Dee Snyder the finger when he was in the dairy barn drive-through buying eggnog and a 2 L bottle of Pepsi.

I was paid $2000 to check into the Tropicana in Atlantic City under a different name to intentionally lose $3000 (took 30 minutes), ate a steak in my room and checked out the next morning at someone’s request.

I’ve only slept with one woman in my entire life, I’m handsome, charming and tall, we’ve been married for 25 years and she still doesn’t believe me that she’s the only one.

I was abused as a child by a man that lived across the street, his wife caught him but instead of comforting me or calling the police she hooked her finger inside my ear, twisted it really hard and said that if I told anybody she would tell our landlord to throw me and my mother out on the street. I never told anyone and it went on for probably another six months.

This was fun, I feel better, thanks!

I'm sorry about the monsters across the street. But I want to know the rest of the boat-sinking story!

[Anonymous]

I was the third gunman on the grassy knoll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father wears sneakers in the pool.

I helped Alec Baldwin change a tire in 1990 and he thanked me by shoving an eight ball of cocaine in my shirt pocket.

I intentionally sunk a boat on the Connecticut side of the Long Island sound.

I gave Dee Snyder the finger when he was in the dairy barn drive-through buying eggnog and a 2 L bottle of Pepsi.

I was paid $2000 to check into the Tropicana in Atlantic City under a different name to intentionally lose $3000 (took 30 minutes), ate a steak in my room and checked out the next morning at someone’s request.

I’ve only slept with one woman in my entire life, I’m handsome, charming and tall, we’ve been married for 25 years and she still doesn’t believe me that she’s the only one.

I was abused as a child by a man that lived across the street, his wife caught him but instead of comforting me or calling the police she hooked her finger inside my ear, twisted it really hard and said that if I told anybody she would tell our landlord to throw me and my mother out on the street. I never told anyone and it went on for probably another six months.

This was fun, I feel better, thanks!

I'm sorry about the monsters across the street. But I want to know the rest of the boat-sinking story!

The summer I graduated from high school an old man that I used to do odd jobs for gave me the boat that was tied up at the dock behind his house.
The boat was an early 70s 55 foot Bertram cabin cruiser, it had one working engine out of two and went through a battery every week because it took on water so bad that the bilge pump never stopped running. My friends and I used it as a floating clubhouse in the middle of the harbor where it sat on a mooring, we would row out to it, drink, party and then head back to shore when we were done. The boat was like a tree fort that floated and had burnt orange crushed velour interior, two bedrooms and bunks for six a bathroom of the shower that didn’t work and sort of a powder room that also didn’t work.

I was 17 years old and completely broke, me and my friends would go out and swim, fish, girls would sunbathe and we would spend hours laughing our asses off. Eventually I ran out of money for batteries so every couple days we had to go out and manually drain the boat with these things that look like big bicycle pumps, I’d remove the hatch in the floor, get down into about 2 feet of water, run the hose out a portal and just pump for hours, we’d rotate on and off, smoke cigarettes, drink beer and laugh.

The boat was not registered or insured. The summer of fun came to an end when I went to visit my dad for a week, the final mandatory one week in the summer divorce settlement visitation thing.
While I was gone none of my dirtbag friends pumped out the boat, it essentially sunk down to the rail and when I got home from my father‘s there was a orange notice regarding a derelict vessel that the harbormaster had left at my house, my mother didn’t know about the Boat was stressed out of her mind just from life, looked at me and said so unbelievably coldly “this needs to be resolved in 24 hours“ it’s been like 30 years and I never saw that type of look before or ever again since that day.

The notice said that I would be charged $500 a day for blocking a waterway with a whole bunch of other codes and scary looking stuff. I didn’t have the money to haul the boat out of the water, I didn’t have the money to fix the boat, insure it or register it. So the same friends that couldn’t be bothered to pump out the boat while I was gone and I came up with a plan to take it out of the harbor to the middle of the sound where we thought it was probably the deepest, knock a hole in the bottom of it and sink it.
I came home to the notice on Saturday and on Sunday we pumped the boat out while standing in chest high water with the cushions floating all over, that night around 10 we used my friend’s dad‘s boat to tow it out of the harbor, I stayed on board and once we thought we were in deep water I went down below with an axe and knocked two big holes in the bottom, the water was up to my waist by the time I got the second hole in, I stepped off the rail at the stern onto my friends boat and within about 90 seconds it was gone forever.

I laughed so hard writing this, thank you for asking!

[Anonymous]

You're welcome! That's a wonderful story and I think we could be friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're welcome! That's a wonderful story and I think we could be friends.

OK, what’s your secret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My father wears sneakers in the pool.

I helped Alec Baldwin change a tire in 1990 and he thanked me by shoving an eight ball of cocaine in my shirt pocket.

I intentionally sunk a boat on the Connecticut side of the Long Island sound.

I gave Dee Snyder the finger when he was in the dairy barn drive-through buying eggnog and a 2 L bottle of Pepsi.

I was paid $2000 to check into the Tropicana in Atlantic City under a different name to intentionally lose $3000 (took 30 minutes), ate a steak in my room and checked out the next morning at someone’s request.

I’ve only slept with one woman in my entire life, I’m handsome, charming and tall, we’ve been married for 25 years and she still doesn’t believe me that she’s the only one.

I was abused as a child by a man that lived across the street, his wife caught him but instead of comforting me or calling the police she hooked her finger inside my ear, twisted it really hard and said that if I told anybody she would tell our landlord to throw me and my mother out on the street. I never told anyone and it went on for probably another six months.

This was fun, I feel better, thanks!

I'm sorry about the monsters across the street. But I want to know the rest of the boat-sinking story!

The summer I graduated from high school an old man that I used to do odd jobs for gave me the boat that was tied up at the dock behind his house.
The boat was an early 70s 55 foot Bertram cabin cruiser, it had one working engine out of two and went through a battery every week because it took on water so bad that the bilge pump never stopped running. My friends and I used it as a floating clubhouse in the middle of the harbor where it sat on a mooring, we would row out to it, drink, party and then head back to shore when we were done. The boat was like a tree fort that floated and had burnt orange crushed velour interior, two bedrooms and bunks for six a bathroom of the shower that didn’t work and sort of a powder room that also didn’t work.

I was 17 years old and completely broke, me and my friends would go out and swim, fish, girls would sunbathe and we would spend hours laughing our asses off. Eventually I ran out of money for batteries so every couple days we had to go out and manually drain the boat with these things that look like big bicycle pumps, I’d remove the hatch in the floor, get down into about 2 feet of water, run the hose out a portal and just pump for hours, we’d rotate on and off, smoke cigarettes, drink beer and laugh.

The boat was not registered or insured. The summer of fun came to an end when I went to visit my dad for a week, the final mandatory one week in the summer divorce settlement visitation thing.
While I was gone none of my dirtbag friends pumped out the boat, it essentially sunk down to the rail and when I got home from my father‘s there was a orange notice regarding a derelict vessel that the harbormaster had left at my house, my mother didn’t know about the Boat was stressed out of her mind just from life, looked at me and said so unbelievably coldly “this needs to be resolved in 24 hours“ it’s been like 30 years and I never saw that type of look before or ever again since that day.

The notice said that I would be charged $500 a day for blocking a waterway with a whole bunch of other codes and scary looking stuff. I didn’t have the money to haul the boat out of the water, I didn’t have the money to fix the boat, insure it or register it. So the same friends that couldn’t be bothered to pump out the boat while I was gone and I came up with a plan to take it out of the harbor to the middle of the sound where we thought it was probably the deepest, knock a hole in the bottom of it and sink it.
I came home to the notice on Saturday and on Sunday we pumped the boat out while standing in chest high water with the cushions floating all over, that night around 10 we used my friend’s dad‘s boat to tow it out of the harbor, I stayed on board and once we thought we were in deep water I went down below with an axe and knocked two big holes in the bottom, the water was up to my waist by the time I got the second hole in, I stepped off the rail at the stern onto my friends boat and within about 90 seconds it was gone forever.

I laughed so hard writing this, thank you for asking!

We need more people like you in the world

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m on a glp-1 and absolutely no one knows. I’ve lost 30 lbs and tell ppl it’s been 20 and that I just stopped drinking.
I hide my needles in my closet and dispose of them during garbage day when my husband is at work.
I hide the “stuff” in our fridge in the garage in a bag my husband will never open.

Sorry, but we know.