Does a 6th or 7th grader with all A's warrant spoiling?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

If you ever start wondering why people don’t like you, revisit this paragraph.

PP you replied to. People like me, because I have a soft voice and gentle manners, and when I say something true but a little tough to hear, it comes across in a loving way. Contrary to what you may think, most people are sensitive enough to detect sincerity and goodwill. I never criticize for the heck of it or because I enjoy inflicting pain.

You need to get a grip and stop trying to meddle in your extended family’s lives. I hope my soft voice and gentle manners were able to express that to you 🙏

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

If you ever start wondering why people don’t like you, revisit this paragraph.

Letting low information family remain oblivious to systemic fraud like grade inflation makes you a much better person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

If you ever start wondering why people don’t like you, revisit this paragraph.

Letting low information family remain oblivious to systemic fraud like grade inflation makes you a much better person.

I don’t want to burst your bubble, but you are absolutely someone else’s low information family member.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

It’s always fun when the OP starts adding lots of details that we’re not in the original post when there’s pushback. Not your kid — not your business. DP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

It’s always fun when the OP starts adding lots of details that we’re not in the original post when there’s pushback. Not your kid — not your business. DP

Agree.

Why don’t you like her, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

It’s always fun when the OP starts adding lots of details that we’re not in the original post when there’s pushback. Not your kid — not your business. DP

Oh, come on…who among us hasn’t been called on the phone in 2025 by our sister-in-law while she’s out on a shopping spree for special basketball sneakers for her son, while repeatedly mentioning his good grades?

[Anonymous]

I'm pretty much of your opinion about the specialness of 4.0s, OP. My kid and all of her friends have had 4.0s and I know that's partly due to grade inflation and isn't all that rare or difficult these days. However, in my opinion, as long as they are generally good and sensible kids, if their parents indulged them a bit for getting straight A's, it wouldn't ruin them for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

It’s a start of basketball season in a lot of places so special basketball sneakers make sense.

[Anonymous]

The mom may be creating a carrot now that she can take away if/when grades fall.
Or she may feel like she has to justify her spending for some reason.
Or she may just be genuinely pleased with her kid, which is sweet even if his As are not impressive (which you don't know, because you don't know how hard it was for him personally).

I was pretty academically advanced by MS and my picture of myself is "good student." Imagine my surprise when I recently found my old report cards and saw that I was pulling Cs in third and fourth grade. You don't know the jouney so let the family be happy about his As.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Her kid her business, do you have ASD OP

NP

Are you a jerk?

[Anonymous]

What do they mean by spoiling?
My 8th grader struggles to get As because she has adhd but we do offer incentives and reward her when she’s done well. We don’t spoil her in general though.

[Anonymous]

The way you deal with this is to tell them that if he is getting all A's within breaking a sweat then the school isn't challenging his talents and he needs advancement or outside enrichment. If he is sweating for those A'S then he deserves a reward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way you deal with this is to tell them that if he is getting all A's without breaking a sweat then the school isn't challenging his talents and he needs advancement or outside enrichment. If he is sweating for those A's then he deserves a reward.

Typo

[Anonymous]

It's fine to celebrate good grades at any age. Take a look inward and try to figure out why this bothers you so much that you want DCUM's affirmation to rain on this family's parade. It's not a good reflection on you.

[Anonymous]

In public school? That’s like 40% of the kids. NBD.