Does a 6th or 7th grader with all A's warrant spoiling?

[Anonymous]

Am I wrong or is this not a big deal anymore? BIL's wife told us she is spoiling my nephew - their oldest child - because he has kept all A's through 6th and now 7th grade. They both think this makes him a precocious genius. Our now college-aged children had all A's in middle school too but I don't recall things getting very rigorous for them until maybe 8th grade? We're close but probably not close enough to rain on her parade and reveal most of his classmates probably have all A's too.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care if she gives her child a reward for good grades? How does it affect you in the slightest. Just smile and say "that's great! Good for him!"

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

[Anonymous]

Team BIL's wife.

[Anonymous]

Spoiling is never a good idea. Treating the kid for working hard and up to his potential is fine.

You don’t sound like you like your BIL and his family. What’s up with that?

[Anonymous]

That’s not spoiling.

Why would you want to rain on a child’s parade — especially when you have little direct knowledge regarding his school situation? I’m curious, too. Have you ever been paid for a job? Received a bonus? Been given a commendation for your work? If so, clearly you’ve been spoiled. Perhaps developing perspectives might make you a more supportive auntie.

[Anonymous]

This obviously totally depends on the school he goes to. If he went to St Albans, he would be the only one. At many DCPS MSes, it would be 20% of students.

[Anonymous]

Their child. Who cares. MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This obviously totally depends on the school he goes to. If he went to St Albans, he would be the only one. At many DCPS MSes, it would be 20% of students.

Is this a fact?

[Anonymous]

I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This obviously totally depends on the school he goes to. If he went to St Albans, he would be the only one. At many DCPS MSes, it would be 20% of students.

Good point, but I assume OP has factored that in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

If you ever start wondering why people don’t like you, revisit this paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you care? That's not spoiling.

What do you mean that's not spoiling? She called me while she was out shopping with him on Saturday buying him this, than and the other because she's spoiling him for his grades. Those were her words to me. The most expensive item he wanted were some special basketball sneakers. They repeatedly bring up his A's to the rest of the extended family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This obviously totally depends on the school he goes to. If he went to St Albans, he would be the only one. At many DCPS MSes, it would be 20% of students.

You didn't explain that a St Albans boy who gets solid Bs is a very good student, whereas a DCPS kid who doesn't get an A has not mastered the content. It's just that DC is full of kids who aren't learning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I get your concern, if it comes from a fear that this child is absorbing a warped sense of his own academic worth, which will set him up for a cruel awakening come college admissions.

You can casually drop into the conversation with his mother that your kids all had straight As, as did their friends, at that age, and it was expected of them. She won't like it, but your duty isn't to her... it's to your nephew. It's important for his long-term well-being that his mother becomes more realistic.

Both my kids had straight As in middle school, even the one with severe ADHD, ASD level 1, and low processing speed. So...

If you ever start wondering why people don’t like you, revisit this paragraph.

PP you replied to. People like me, because I have a soft voice and gentle manners, and when I say something true but a little tough to hear, it comes across in a loving way. Contrary to what you may think, most people are sensitive enough to detect sincerity and goodwill. I never criticize for the heck of it or because I enjoy inflicting pain.