How early into dating do men expect sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fifties man here. I never expect sex. In a few instances, including my future wife of many decades (we later divorced), I've had sex on the second date, but usually it's been date number three, four, five or six.

The strange thing is that it doesn't seem that closely tied to how serious a relationship it turned out to be.

For most women, I need at least a kiss by date four. I waited until something like date 10 for the first kiss wirh one woman, and date 20 or 25 for sex. I waited because she seemed very special. It turns out she also had another guy she wasn't telling me about!

When women make me wait a long time, I suspect they have another guy. I'm sure some of them really did just like to take it slow, but I've been burned on this a few times.

my experience as well - i think now, i don't expect or even need/want sex in the first few dates but if no kissing and petting after date 1 or 2, the track record suggests a lack of interest from the woman (or she has someone else)...

..which is unfortunate because i don't want to feel like i have to go in for a kiss after date 1/2 but it seems like i kind of have to weed out people.

As a woman, I never kissed anyone on date 1. Ever. Going out with multiple guys kissing them all on date 1 or 2 seems like a sure way to get active herpes

do you make that obvious - so if i a guy goes in for a kiss after date 1 or two, you put your hand on his chest to stop and say something like "hey, i had a great time and it was a fun date but i don't kiss this early. i'd still like to see you again" ?

Yes and I tell them my approach to anything intimate and that Im germaphobic after Covid . My mom was in hospital and almost died, at the same time when I was getting a divorce during lockdown with exH under the sand roof. It was traumatizing and I do know I’m paranoid. It cost me several relationships after divorce, when I refused to have anything unprotected early on . I did have unprotected sex (O, V and A) with one man I dated over 6 months and he was initially using protection. Then he got tested and I saw the paperwork.
I’m largely unable to have sex and orgasm if I think he’s not “clean” eg not tested and sleeps with other women.

this doesn't relate to you then since you are clear in your communication.

[Anonymous]

TO answer some of the questions in this post....

I'm a late forties woman and I wait at least a couple months. Sometimes more like three or four months. I wait until we have had a convo about what we both want, relationship wise, and agree to exclusivity, and I need to see STD testing results. Then I use a condom for both oral and vaginal.

The only person I have had sex with without a condom is my ex husband. If a man wants to have sex with me without a condom, he needs to put a ring on it. I'm not risking STDs in the dating world. OLD makes it very easy for men to be super slutty. STDs are on the rise. And frankly men cannot test for HPV, which condoms protect against somewhat. And a lot of times, HPV passes from a man's system within a year or two. So if you are using condoms for the first couple years, it decreases your chances that you will catch HPV from him.

I've never tested positive for a STD, and I get checked every year. To me, this caution is worth it.

IME, most men try to start having sex around dates four to six. That's fine, but you don't have to say yes. IME most guys are willing to wait a few months or so. I've had a couple guys move on, but I'm pretty sure they weren't that into me anyway. A guy who is really into you will wait a few months and get STD testing.

Oh - and get the HPV vaccine! Insurance will cover if you get the first shot before you turn 45 or 46. After that, you can ask your gyn or pop to write a scrip. Don't listen to them if they tell you you don't need it. Most doctors are married and don't understand how slutty dating is these days thanks to OLD. It's very easy for men to be dating multiple women at once, which increases the risk of STDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TO answer some of the questions in this post....

I'm a late forties woman and I wait at least a couple months. Sometimes more like three or four months. I wait until we have had a convo about what we both want, relationship wise, and agree to exclusivity, and I need to see STD testing results. Then I use a condom for both oral and vaginal.

The only person I have had sex with without a condom is my ex husband. If a man wants to have sex with me without a condom, he needs to put a ring on it. I'm not risking STDs in the dating world. OLD makes it very easy for men to be super slutty. STDs are on the rise. And frankly men cannot test for HPV, which condoms protect against somewhat. And a lot of times, HPV passes from a man's system within a year or two. So if you are using condoms for the first couple years, it decreases your chances that you will catch HPV from him.

I've never tested positive for a STD, and I get checked every year. To me, this caution is worth it.

IME, most men try to start having sex around dates four to six. That's fine, but you don't have to say yes. IME most guys are willing to wait a few months or so. I've had a couple guys move on, but I'm pretty sure they weren't that into me anyway. A guy who is really into you will wait a few months and get STD testing.

Oh - and get the HPV vaccine! Insurance will cover if you get the first shot before you turn 45 or 46. After that, you can ask your gyn or pop to write a scrip. Don't listen to them if they tell you you don't need it. Most doctors are married and don't understand how slutty dating is these days thanks to OLD. It's very easy for men to be dating multiple women at once, which increases the risk of STDs.

Agree with the above. Men also needs to get HPV vaccine. Even if over 45. They sleep around and risk my health

[Anonymous]

I’ve never had a man I was dating pressure me for sex, and all have been fine with waiting.

That said, if I’m not interested in sex by date 3 or 4, it’s because I’m not feeling any physical chemistry and it’s not gonna happen. I slept with my current BF on our first date, and we have great chemistry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TO answer some of the questions in this post....

I'm a late forties woman and I wait at least a couple months. Sometimes more like three or four months. I wait until we have had a convo about what we both want, relationship wise, and agree to exclusivity, and I need to see STD testing results. Then I use a condom for both oral and vaginal.

The only person I have had sex with without a condom is my ex husband. If a man wants to have sex with me without a condom, he needs to put a ring on it. I'm not risking STDs in the dating world. OLD makes it very easy for men to be super slutty. STDs are on the rise. And frankly men cannot test for HPV, which condoms protect against somewhat. And a lot of times, HPV passes from a man's system within a year or two. So if you are using condoms for the first couple years, it decreases your chances that you will catch HPV from him.

I've never tested positive for a STD, and I get checked every year. To me, this caution is worth it.

IME, most men try to start having sex around dates four to six. That's fine, but you don't have to say yes. IME most guys are willing to wait a few months or so. I've had a couple guys move on, but I'm pretty sure they weren't that into me anyway. A guy who is really into you will wait a few months and get STD testing.

Oh - and get the HPV vaccine! Insurance will cover if you get the first shot before you turn 45 or 46. After that, you can ask your gyn or pop to write a scrip. Don't listen to them if they tell you you don't need it. Most doctors are married and don't understand how slutty dating is these days thanks to OLD. It's very easy for men to be dating multiple women at once, which increases the risk of STDs.

Agree with the above. Men also needs to get HPV vaccine. Even if over 45. They sleep around and risk my health

Agree! I wish more straight men in my age group would get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:TO answer some of the questions in this post....

I'm a late forties woman and I wait at least a couple months. Sometimes more like three or four months. I wait until we have had a convo about what we both want, relationship wise, and agree to exclusivity, and I need to see STD testing results. Then I use a condom for both oral and vaginal.

The only person I have had sex with without a condom is my ex husband. If a man wants to have sex with me without a condom, he needs to put a ring on it. I'm not risking STDs in the dating world. OLD makes it very easy for men to be super slutty. STDs are on the rise. And frankly men cannot test for HPV, which condoms protect against somewhat. And a lot of times, HPV passes from a man's system within a year or two. So if you are using condoms for the first couple years, it decreases your chances that you will catch HPV from him.

I've never tested positive for a STD, and I get checked every year. To me, this caution is worth it.

IME, most men try to start having sex around dates four to six. That's fine, but you don't have to say yes. IME most guys are willing to wait a few months or so. I've had a couple guys move on, but I'm pretty sure they weren't that into me anyway. A guy who is really into you will wait a few months and get STD testing.

Oh - and get the HPV vaccine! Insurance will cover if you get the first shot before you turn 45 or 46. After that, you can ask your gyn or pop to write a scrip. Don't listen to them if they tell you you don't need it. Most doctors are married and don't understand how slutty dating is these days thanks to OLD. It's very easy for men to be dating multiple women at once, which increases the risk of STDs.

Agree with the above. Men also needs to get HPV vaccine. Even if over 45. They sleep around and risk my health

Agree! I wish more straight men in my age group would get it.

The number of men who wanted to go down on me on date 3 without asking any STDs treating is scary. They all crave eating P! The throat cancers in men are on the rise. Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer cancers are not scaring them off

[Anonymous]

3rd date

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Guys will wait longer if you are paying for your fair share of the dates and you aren't exclusive.

[Anonymous]

There are safe ways to have near-sex (no transfer of bodily fluids into the other body) that help bridge the gap without creating sexual frustration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fifties man here. I never expect sex. In a few instances, including my future wife of many decades (we later divorced), I've had sex on the second date, but usually it's been date number three, four, five or six.

The strange thing is that it doesn't seem that closely tied to how serious a relationship it turned out to be.

For most women, I need at least a kiss by date four. I waited until something like date 10 for the first kiss wirh one woman, and date 20 or 25 for sex. I waited because she seemed very special. It turns out she also had another guy she wasn't telling me about!

When women make me wait a long time, I suspect they have another guy. I'm sure some of them really did just like to take it slow, but I've been burned on this a few times.

my experience as well - i think now, i don't expect or even need/want sex in the first few dates but if no kissing and petting after date 1 or 2, the track record suggests a lack of interest from the woman (or she has someone else)...

..which is unfortunate because i don't want to feel like i have to go in for a kiss after date 1/2 but it seems like i kind of have to weed out people.

My wife kissed me on date 2. The had her calendar and the alarms going off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Date 3. If you want to wait longer than that, you’re going to need to broach the subject on either date 3 or even better on date 2. Explain why and give a rough timetable so that the guy can decide whether he’s willing to wait that long. Be a good sport if he moves on (although obviously he should be respectful of you in return).

Sexual chemistry and matching libidos are important. I’m not going to waste 3-6 months on a relationship just to discover that we are mismatched.

Sure but I’m not necessarily going to know by date 3 if we have sexual chemistry. And I’m not having sex with you if there is no chemistry. So if your priority is to have sex early on then you best bring your A game to show why you are worth having sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guy here - i've been willing to wait for a month+ but the best relationships i've ever had were when the woman either slept with me on date 1 or wanted to (and i turned it down and then we slept with each other on date 2)...

...the last two people i went on dates with that I wanted to see more of....one was hesitant to kiss after date 2 when i went in, the other was kinda hesitant to kiss after a four-hour date 1...

...I still wanted to see both of them and would've been willing to take it slow but they weren't interested.

So, while in theory i'd be down to wait, my lived experience seems to indicate that if a woman isn't wanting to be handsy/kiss on at the end of a long first date or atleast date 2, i'm cooked.

^^woman here and yep!! If I like you I want to touch you. Maybe not have sex or even take clothes off, but I definitely know how I feel by the end of a good date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are safe ways to have near-sex (no transfer of bodily fluids into the other body) that help bridge the gap without creating sexual frustration.

There are, but who wants to relive high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are safe ways to have near-sex (no transfer of bodily fluids into the other body) that help bridge the gap without creating sexual frustration.

There are, but who wants to relive high school.

Wow please be sure to say that on the first date so I know we have no future.