What would you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t drive up again but I would stay longer than just the weekend for the first weekend. And spend the time with him Friday or Monday.

We can't because we have this event this weekend. We stayed 3 days when we dropped him off and saw him the whole weekend (at home) two weeks ago and had planned on Sunday. My impression was people let kids settle the first semester and that was a lot of visits but maybe I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Who would not see their freshman college child who wants to see his parents when it can be done? How is this a question or a complaint?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who would not see their freshman college child who wants to see his parents when it can be done? How is this a question or a complaint?

Because we are seeing him this weekend and it's a 12 hour round trip trip. Now I feel like I am missing something. Maybe people drive a lot all the time?

[Anonymous]

I would probably say "was there something special about that game? we will have just driven up there and it's a lot of driving so prob would work better another time, but if that's an ideal weekend, we can make it work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would probably say "was there something special about that game? we will have just driven up there and it's a lot of driving so prob would work better another time, but if that's an ideal weekend, we can make it work."

I think (knowing him) it's more that he knows we enjoy football and it would be fun to go, and I'm sure he would be happy to see us as well. So if we did not already have this weekend of travel and seeing him, we would go. But two weekends in a row of driving this far is a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t drive up again but I would stay longer than just the weekend for the first weekend. And spend the time with him Friday or Monday.

We can't because we have this event this weekend. We stayed 3 days when we dropped him off and saw him the whole weekend (at home) two weeks ago and had planned on Sunday. My impression was people let kids settle the first semester and that was a lot of visits but maybe I was wrong.

I’m the PP. I’m not understanding why you can’t do the family event this weekend. Then see him Sunday/Monday or Monday/
-Tuesday.
I assume he’ll have some classes on those days but you could still have time together.

[Anonymous]

What exactly is this invite? For you to see a game, sitting apart from him, and what? Would you be spending the night or going out to dinner with him or something? If he's sitting with his friends and then going to party with them before/after, then no, I wouldn't drive up just to sit at a game, apart. That's not quality time.

It's good that he's asking you, I would try to suss out why - if it's his desire to see you, or because he thinks he's offering a distraction from your family problem (which is super sweet!). He is young, and maybe doesn't understand that an older person gets very tired from that much driving (I'm in my early 40s and wouldn't drive 12 hours for this!). If you don't get the sense that he's depressed or in distress, I would tell him how much you appreciate it and just explain you're worn out from this weekend's driving and family stuff but you want to make plans for another weekend when you guys can do something together, or perhaps you can find some event that is at the halfway point where you all can meet up if he has transportation.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth would you feel bad for declining something you wouldn't even share in a meaningful way and which would add unwanted effort and expense to your life?

I don't quite understand the "feeling bad" premise here. I would just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t drive up again but I would stay longer than just the weekend for the first weekend. And spend the time with him Friday or Monday.

We can't because we have this event this weekend. We stayed 3 days when we dropped him off and saw him the whole weekend (at home) two weeks ago and had planned on Sunday. My impression was people let kids settle the first semester and that was a lot of visits but maybe I was wrong.

I’m the PP. I’m not understanding why you can’t do the family event this weekend. Then see him Sunday/Monday or Monday/
-Tuesday.
I assume he’ll have some classes on those days but you could still have time together.

DH and I work on Monday. We took off Friday to drive to the family thing. Then the plan IS to see ds on Sunday all day and drive back at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you feel bad for declining something you wouldn't even share in a meaningful way and which would add unwanted effort and expense to your life?

I don't quite understand the "feeling bad" premise here. I would just say no.

Same! It’s nice that he asked but it’s just not realistic for that weekend. He put the offer out, and it happens to not work for you. What is the big deal here?

[Anonymous]

I would go. But, you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you feel bad for declining something you wouldn't even share in a meaningful way and which would add unwanted effort and expense to your life?

I don't quite understand the "feeling bad" premise here. I would just say no.

I feel guilty easily, and looking at the responses a lot of people seem to think it's terrible and I should go and feel guilty if I don't. In a vacuum, without having to already drive this weekend, we'd definitely go next weekend or would have gone to visit already but we had a lot going on with family which meant ds ended up coming for rather than us going.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t Sophie’s Choice! Football games don’t end next weekend. Can you go to another game?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you feel bad for declining something you wouldn't even share in a meaningful way and which would add unwanted effort and expense to your life?

I don't quite understand the "feeling bad" premise here. I would just say no.

I feel guilty easily, and looking at the responses a lot of people seem to think it's terrible and I should go and feel guilty if I don't. In a vacuum, without having to already drive this weekend, we'd definitely go next weekend or would have gone to visit already but we had a lot going on with family which meant ds ended up coming for rather than us going.

Then listen to the rest of us who think that’s stupid and it’s perfectly fine to decline the invitation.

I love my kids, but I’m not driving 12 hours in one weekend to see them when I will have just seen them the weekend before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t Sophie’s Choice! Football games don’t end next weekend. Can you go to another game?

No. He's a freshman and honestly we had no idea how tickets worked. We like football but on tv or high school games last year so we didn't anticipate how popular and the need to plan ahead, and we missed the boat on affordable tickets. This one would still be $200 for the two of us, but that's cheaper by a lot than any other games.