House is so much quiet and calm without my husband around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is gone for 1 month, it’s been almost 1 week and the house feels calmer.

I’m making less complicated meals. Our 6 year old son does not like meat, so we’re having simple dishes. There’s less dishes, less laundry, one less person I have to pick up after or ask or remind him to help with. When it’s time for bed, there’s no feeling annoyed that my husband has not helped cook, clean and is just laying on the couch on his phone. I took a 1hr snooze on the couch while my 6 year old played in front of me. I wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t have to ask for permission or check in with anyone.

His mom is a burden and in assisted living, there is something she wants or needs all the time. It’s been radio silence since he’s gone so there’s no 9PM calls from my demented MIL wanting a happy meal from McDonald’s or his sister asking him to pick up medications.

My husband is an absolute rockstar when our son is sick and does the fun, active rough and tumble play. He manages the yard himself and picks up dog poop but I do *everything else.* I have one less person to worry about. There’s no yelling or raised voices. There’s no disappointment or asks for help. No whining from my husband that he gets up at 4AM and that he does the yard and that’s enough and how would I like to chop wood, or mow the yard etc …

I feel terrible knowing that my life would likely be more peaceful without him, but our son would suffer with a separate parent household.

It’s okay. Don’t feel guilty. Let me assure you that your husband is feeling the same. Maybe even better!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also without him splitting bills, mortgage, yard work, child care, you'll have more chores and need more money from your job so unlikely to have less stress, just different kind of stress. Add dating and custody issues etc as cherry on cake.

What you need to do is to have a heart to heart calm discussion with your husband about your family needing to do some work to improve daily grind and creat a more peaceful environment for all of you.

If its all too much and not just a break then do file for divorce. YOLO. Do you think he'll be a good coparent? Would he agree to an amicable divorce? Would you be happy on your own? Would you find a better or worse second husband? Would your BF or new DH would be a good step father?

If more breaks like this can help you then do take them once or twice a year. Would marital counseling help? Is he overwhelmed with his mom, you, kid, job, yard work and expectation of more chores? Would it help to hire help to do some chores to make life easier for both of you?

Honestly? I would not date if I was single again, at least not until my kid was in HS. I'd live somewhere I could afford on my income (without having to compromise with my husband, who has a lot of requirements on where we live). I'm sure there would still be stress in my life, no one's life is without stress. But I do actually think the day to day would be easier.

That said, I'm not interested in divorce. I think it sucks for kids and I want to do better by mine. And I'm not miserable in my marriage, and I do believe my DH offers real value to our family.

But none of that changes the fact that when he's out of town, my day to day is easier and it is easier to maintain a clean and organized home and there is less conflict with my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It goes both ways. When you're out of the house, your DH feels like he can breathe.

Marriage is complicated.

This. Both dh and I travel travel for work, so one of us ends up routinely with the kids. It’s easier in some ways and harder in others (coordinating driving to activities etc). We both find it less laundry, less dishes with 1 less adult. Guess an adult takes up physical, mental and emotional space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my God tell me about it lol. As soon as DS walks in everyone is suddenly depressed. Her screaming, negative mood, we are all sick and tired of it. When she is gone is quite and peaceful.

Dear Son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It goes both ways. When you're out of the house, your DH feels like he can breathe.

Marriage is complicated.

This. Both dh and I travel travel for work, so one of us ends up routinely with the kids. It’s easier in some ways and harder in others (coordinating driving to activities etc). We both find it less laundry, less dishes with 1 less adult. Guess an adult takes up physical, mental and emotional space.

Every marriage is different. When I have had to travel and leave DH alone, he has very vocally talked about how hard it was. His exact words were "it almost broke us." I think he's being dramatic and it wasn't that bad. But he is used to mostly doing what he wants and leaves it to me to figure out how things will work with the kids.

When he travels, I mostly notice there's less laundry and meals are easier and more efficient. I miss him some, but for companionship, not for any practical reasons.

[Anonymous]

Totally completely understand.

[Anonymous]

Yep, I've experienced this too. Everything is just way more chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh my God tell me about it lol. As soon as DS walks in everyone is suddenly depressed. Her screaming, negative mood, we are all sick and tired of it. When she is gone is quite and peaceful.

Dear Son?

I think DS means dear spouse in this case or possibly the poster made a typo and meant to type DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also without him splitting bills, mortgage, yard work, child care, you'll have more chores and need more money from your job so unlikely to have less stress, just different kind of stress. Add dating and custody issues etc as cherry on cake.

What you need to do is to have a heart to heart calm discussion with your husband about your family needing to do some work to improve daily grind and creat a more peaceful environment for all of you.

If its all too much and not just a break then do file for divorce. YOLO. Do you think he'll be a good coparent? Would he agree to an amicable divorce? Would you be happy on your own? Would you find a better or worse second husband? Would your BF or new DH would be a good step father?

If more breaks like this can help you then do take them once or twice a year. Would marital counseling help? Is he overwhelmed with his mom, you, kid, job, yard work and expectation of more chores? Would it help to hire help to do some chores to make life easier for both of you?

Honestly? I would not date if I was single again, at least not until my kid was in HS. I'd live somewhere I could afford on my income (without having to compromise with my husband, who has a lot of requirements on where we live). I'm sure there would still be stress in my life, no one's life is without stress. But I do actually think the day to day would be easier.

That said, I'm not interested in divorce. I think it sucks for kids and I want to do better by mine. And I'm not miserable in my marriage, and I do believe my DH offers real value to our family.

But none of that changes the fact that when he's out of town, my day to day is easier and it is easier to maintain a clean and organized home and there is less conflict with my kid.

Write down what would make his presence positive and pleasant for you? Also write down what value he adds to your life? Ask him to do the same. Both see a therapist and share your notes with them and seek their help you two lower stress and improve your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Lets not forget that having work, chores, kids, elderly, social life and limited financial resources can put strain on any marriage. If both spouses are working as a team, they can manage this phase without losing sanity or getting divorce. If they can't and they operate as I vs You teams, they are going to move from stress ->resentment ->contempt-> divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also without him splitting bills, mortgage, yard work, child care, you'll have more chores and need more money from your job so unlikely to have less stress, just different kind of stress. Add dating and custody issues etc as cherry on cake.

What you need to do is to have a heart to heart calm discussion with your husband about your family needing to do some work to improve daily grind and creat a more peaceful environment for all of you.

If its all too much and not just a break then do file for divorce. YOLO. Do you think he'll be a good coparent? Would he agree to an amicable divorce? Would you be happy on your own? Would you find a better or worse second husband? Would your BF or new DH would be a good step father?

If more breaks like this can help you then do take them once or twice a year. Would marital counseling help? Is he overwhelmed with his mom, you, kid, job, yard work and expectation of more chores? Would it help to hire help to do some chores to make life easier for both of you?

Honestly? I would not date if I was single again, at least not until my kid was in HS. I'd live somewhere I could afford on my income (without having to compromise with my husband, who has a lot of requirements on where we live). I'm sure there would still be stress in my life, no one's life is without stress. But I do actually think the day to day would be easier.

That said, I'm not interested in divorce. I think it sucks for kids and I want to do better by mine. And I'm not miserable in my marriage, and I do believe my DH offers real value to our family.

But none of that changes the fact that when he's out of town, my day to day is easier and it is easier to maintain a clean and organized home and there is less conflict with my kid.

Write down what would make his presence positive and pleasant for you? Also write down what value he adds to your life? Ask him to do the same. Both see a therapist and share your notes with them and seek their help you two lower stress and improve your marriage.

Why do you keep offering marital advice for people who haven't asked for it? You don't get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also without him splitting bills, mortgage, yard work, child care, you'll have more chores and need more money from your job so unlikely to have less stress, just different kind of stress. Add dating and custody issues etc as cherry on cake.

What you need to do is to have a heart to heart calm discussion with your husband about your family needing to do some work to improve daily grind and creat a more peaceful environment for all of you.

If its all too much and not just a break then do file for divorce. YOLO. Do you think he'll be a good coparent? Would he agree to an amicable divorce? Would you be happy on your own? Would you find a better or worse second husband? Would your BF or new DH would be a good step father?

If more breaks like this can help you then do take them once or twice a year. Would marital counseling help? Is he overwhelmed with his mom, you, kid, job, yard work and expectation of more chores? Would it help to hire help to do some chores to make life easier for both of you?

So most people who are in this position find the different stressors of divorce are worth shedding a useless partner. Yardwork can be outsourced relatively cheaply. A service is like $3k for the season but you can pay a teenage boy less than that. And it’s not like the other spouse gets off the hook from child support or parenting. Further, many women never partner up again at all. There’s plenty of no strings attached sex out there for women if she has physical needs which many simply don’t.

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way, OP. At least your husband travels sometimes; mine is self-employed and can't be bothered to get out of my f$#%ing space and go to his office before 2:00 every day.

[Anonymous]

This post is eye opening. My life is so much harder when my husband is away. I dread when he goes on trips.

[Anonymous]

I hate it when my DH is here 90% of the time. He never leaves the house! I really want to live in a separate house from him. He makes most of the mess and never cleans. He's depressed all the time and is always injured. When he's not here, I feel like I can breathe.