House is so much quiet and calm without my husband around.

[Anonymous]

What I picked up from reading your post OP is that you have to ask your husband for actual permission (🤔) to take a nap especially if you are not feeling well.

As an adult - - you should NEVER ever have to ask for permission to take a nap.
Self-care is an important factor to ensuring that you are as optimal a parent as possible for your son.

Seeing that life seems much better, calmer, less chaotic, etc. w/out your husband in the home may show you how stressful that your marriage really is overall.

However if it also illustrates to you how much better your life would be w/out him in your life completely…….well that is something on a much different level that only you can figure out.

Good luck! 👍🏽

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also without him splitting bills, mortgage, yard work, child care, you'll have more chores and need more money from your job so unlikely to have less stress, just different kind of stress. Add dating and custody issues etc as cherry on cake.

What you need to do is to have a heart to heart calm discussion with your husband about your family needing to do some work to improve daily grind and creat a more peaceful environment for all of you.

If its all too much and not just a break then do file for divorce. YOLO. Do you think he'll be a good coparent? Would he agree to an amicable divorce? Would you be happy on your own? Would you find a better or worse second husband? Would your BF or new DH would be a good step father?

If more breaks like this can help you then do take them once or twice a year. Would marital counseling help? Is he overwhelmed with his mom, you, kid, job, yard work and expectation of more chores? Would it help to hire help to do some chores to make life easier for both of you?

Honestly? I would not date if I was single again, at least not until my kid was in HS. I'd live somewhere I could afford on my income (without having to compromise with my husband, who has a lot of requirements on where we live). I'm sure there would still be stress in my life, no one's life is without stress. But I do actually think the day to day would be easier.

That said, I'm not interested in divorce. I think it sucks for kids and I want to do better by mine. And I'm not miserable in my marriage, and I do believe my DH offers real value to our family.

But none of that changes the fact that when he's out of town, my day to day is easier and it is easier to maintain a clean and organized home and there is less conflict with my kid.

Write down what would make his presence positive and pleasant for you? Also write down what value he adds to your life? Ask him to do the same. Both see a therapist and share your notes with them and seek their help you two lower stress and improve your marriage.

Why do you keep offering marital advice for people who haven't asked for it? You don't get it.

This

[Anonymous]

Same. My kid pointed out how much calmer our house is when he’s not around.

It’s not an accusatory dig, it’s just that his personality brings alot of “energy” into the room. It’s either the clown show trying to make kids laugh, dramatic sighing and disappointment at tiny things like a dish not “right” on the drying rack,’ piles of laundry or garbage that did not come from myself or the kids, or blasting videos or podcasts on his phone that he doesn’t realize everyone else can hear. It’s just “energy”.

When he’s not around for a few hours, everyone breathes a sigh of relief. Not that we don’t love him, just sometimes we need some calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I’d never ever marry again.

😩

[Anonymous]

YES! DH is out of town for the next two weeks and I’m sooo much happier. Dinner is much simpler, there is no yelling, the house is so much cleaner. I do most of the chores around the house anyways but with him gone, it’s so much less work. I’m in heaven. Not sure if that’s normal but then again I can’t stand my spouse.

[Anonymous]

I get this. We made my husband move into the guesthouse because of his energy.

[Anonymous]

My DH is great, but he's loud. My DCs and I are quiet people . . . we miss him when he's not here, but we also enjoy the peace.

[Anonymous]

Agreed - even though I would consider myself happily married. Life is simpler the less people you have to accommodate for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you keep offering marital advice for people who haven't asked for it? You don't get it.

This. Miserable people don't want to fix their misery. They want to be miserable and report their misery status updates on DCUM at regular intervals.