House is so much quiet and calm without my husband around.

[Anonymous]

My husband is gone for 1 month, it’s been almost 1 week and the house feels calmer.

I’m making less complicated meals. Our 6 year old son does not like meat, so we’re having simple dishes. There’s less dishes, less laundry, one less person I have to pick up after or ask or remind him to help with. When it’s time for bed, there’s no feeling annoyed that my husband has not helped cook, clean and is just laying on the couch on his phone. I took a 1hr snooze on the couch while my 6 year old played in front of me. I wasn’t feeling well and I didn’t have to ask for permission or check in with anyone.

His mom is a burden and in assisted living, there is something she wants or needs all the time. It’s been radio silence since he’s gone so there’s no 9PM calls from my demented MIL wanting a happy meal from McDonald’s or his sister asking him to pick up medications.

My husband is an absolute rockstar when our son is sick and does the fun, active rough and tumble play. He manages the yard himself and picks up dog poop but I do *everything else.* I have one less person to worry about. There’s no yelling or raised voices. There’s no disappointment or asks for help. No whining from my husband that he gets up at 4AM and that he does the yard and that’s enough and how would I like to chop wood, or mow the yard etc …

I feel terrible knowing that my life would likely be more peaceful without him, but our son would suffer with a separate parent household.

[Anonymous]

I know the feeling, OP. You’re not alone.

[Anonymous]

I understand totally!

[Anonymous]

I feel this way every time my DH travels for work. I don't actually want to split up, I like having an intact family and I care about him, but it's always really fascinating how much less WORK I have to do when he's not around.

One thing it's made me aware of is how often I wind up brokering peace and agreements between DH and our DD. When DH is not home, there aren't a lot of disagreements. Even stuff like getting her to do her homework or getting ready for school on time -- sometimes there's push/pull, but it's resolved without arguing or hurt feelings. And yes on meals being easier when I don't have to accommodate my DH's preferences, which are always the opposite of what DD wants (whereas I am pretty flexible on food and can be happy either way). It's just made me realize I'm the peacekeeper at home and that rather than being an effortless, easy task, it actually takes a ton out of me. I feel so relaxed and have so much more energy when DH is not home.

[Anonymous]

It goes both ways. When you're out of the house, your DH feels like he can breathe.

Marriage is complicated.

[Anonymous]

Also without him splitting bills, mortgage, yard work, child care, you'll have more chores and need more money from your job so unlikely to have less stress, just different kind of stress. Add dating and custody issues etc as cherry on cake.

What you need to do is to have a heart to heart calm discussion with your husband about your family needing to do some work to improve daily grind and creat a more peaceful environment for all of you.

If its all too much and not just a break then do file for divorce. YOLO. Do you think he'll be a good coparent? Would he agree to an amicable divorce? Would you be happy on your own? Would you find a better or worse second husband? Would your BF or new DH would be a good step father?

If more breaks like this can help you then do take them once or twice a year. Would marital counseling help? Is he overwhelmed with his mom, you, kid, job, yard work and expectation of more chores? Would it help to hire help to do some chores to make life easier for both of you?

[Anonymous]

Oh my God tell me about it lol. As soon as DS walks in everyone is suddenly depressed. Her screaming, negative mood, we are all sick and tired of it. When she is gone is quite and peaceful.

[Anonymous]

I think it is just really hard living with other adults a lot of the time. I think pretty much everyone feels that way when their spouse is away. I know my siblings and their spouses all enjoy when they can do as they want as the only adult home. Its a bit of freedom that is hard to get in marriage and child raising. Like you said, its a break from a lot of things and people and routines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It goes both ways. When you're out of the house, your DH feels like he can breathe.

Marriage is complicated.

This. You have nooo idea.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.
Sounds like you don’t like your DH

[Anonymous]

I just like having the tv off. He watches tv all the time.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. I love DH but I love when he travels. Initially I felt guilty about it but now I realize we really just need a lot more space to breathe than I thought.

[Anonymous]

Yep. I’d never ever marry again.

[Anonymous]

Same. I love it when DH travels now, too. It was tough when the kids were younger, but now the youngest is 7, and life is great when he's gone. The kids and I get along so well when we're not accommodating him. And I love working from home when I have the house to myself. I'm not looking for a divorce, but if he gave me a reason, I’d be quick to pull the trigger, as I like how I feel more when he's gone than when he's around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep. I’d never ever marry again.

Same. Nor would I cohabitate.