Giving money to the grandkids when you don't speak to parents?

[Anonymous]

Just be aware that you are risking even more damaging your relationships with your sibling. I personally wouldn’t bypass their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would write everyone a letter establishing your durable power of attorney and that annual cash gifts are part of a comprehensive estate plan approved by a financial planner. Then just cut the checks. If the recipients are adults, you don’t need to do anything else. I would personally want to inform the parents barring a really good reason not to, but I don’t think you have an obligation to do that if they’re not minors.

This. However, if you were my sibling, I wouldn’t trust you due to your behavior and not accept the money. My kids would not either given how you treat me-them. Not a chance I’d give you bank account information. Send a check.

What behavior would you not trust?

It's my sibling who stole heirloom jewelry from my parents, and I am pretty sure they stole the monetary graduation present I gave their child.

Sibling has already accepted money in the past. They are very greedy, a hoarder, and want everything they can get their hands on. I have previously written them checks, and they asked, "Why is it not more?"

My parent chose me as executor for a reason. They know who visits and takes care of them and who does not.

OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that you are risking even more damaging your relationships with your sibling. I personally wouldn’t bypass their parents.

Okay. Fair enough.

My goal here is not to let my sibling steal the money or threaten their child to give the money up. I definitely want the child to know they are getting this money. If their parent takes it from them, then they will see who their parent is for themselves, if they haven't already.

OP

[Anonymous]

They are college kids -- they will likely want you to zelle or venmo it rather than a check. But are they on financial aid? If it's a large amount, it might mess up their financial aid package.

I would call or text them and say Hey -- it's Aunt Larla, I have some money from Grandma that I am distributing to all the grandkids. Can you call me and figure out best way to get it to you? [heart emjoi].

[Anonymous]

OP,

Why are you not distributing some money to you and your sibling in addition to the grandchildren?

You would get a distribution, your siblings would get one, and the grandchildren would get one.

Send out a group text,

"Happy Holidays, We are fortunate to gift everyone a cash gift from Mom's estate before year end. Please call me to get your banking information so that I can facilitate the transfer. Best wishes during the holiday season."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would write everyone a letter establishing your durable power of attorney and that annual cash gifts are part of a comprehensive estate plan approved by a financial planner. Then just cut the checks. If the recipients are adults, you don’t need to do anything else. I would personally want to inform the parents barring a really good reason not to, but I don’t think you have an obligation to do that if they’re not minors.

This. However, if you were my sibling, I wouldn’t trust you due to your behavior and not accept the money. My kids would not either given how you treat me-them. Not a chance I’d give you bank account information. Send a check.

What behavior would you not trust?

It's my sibling who stole heirloom jewelry from my parents, and I am pretty sure they stole the monetary graduation present I gave their child.

Sibling has already accepted money in the past. They are very greedy, a hoarder, and want everything they can get their hands on. I have previously written them checks, and they asked, "Why is it not more?"

My parent chose me as executor for a reason. They know who visits and takes care of them and who does not.

OP

My sibling is a shady executor and wouldn't be transparent and I'm sure they stole from me.

You issue the kids a check. However, it's gross if you are taking money for you and not giving to your sibling. You are making this a drama. You don't need their bank account information, and that's just creepy.

You are the one taking money from your parents, not them and accusing them of stuff....

[Anonymous]

I'd text nieces/nephews, and then follow up with a phone call.

After that just send the checks, like others have said.

Will this be a regular contribution? Or a one time thing? Letting them know that will help too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just be aware that you are risking even more damaging your relationships with your sibling. I personally wouldn’t bypass their parents.

Okay. Fair enough.

My goal here is not to let my sibling steal the money or threaten their child to give the money up. I definitely want the child to know they are getting this money. If their parent takes it from them, then they will see who their parent is for themselves, if they haven't already.

OP

You sound shady and accusatory. You should discuss finances with your sibling and agree on things to make it equal. You are in the wrong. If the parents are paying all the kids expenses, they should take the money directly to pay for things. Why should you control what they do with their kids?

[Anonymous]

You've already given the adult children $19,000 for this year? Yourself and your siblings?

I believe you can give second gen and third gen up to $19,000 in 2025 tax free as gifts?

Gift yourself, your siblings and the grandchildren. I don't understand why you are not including the second generation in gifts as well as the third generation?

Your job as personal rep/executor is to be fair and balanced and not be judgemental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have any contact information for the niece and nephew at all?

Yes. I could text them. However, I texted them for their birthday and they did not reply.

My children are also in touch with them, but I was thinking I should try not to involve my kids in this situation.

OP

There is good reason they don't respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Why are you not distributing some money to you and your sibling in addition to the grandchildren?

You would get a distribution, your siblings would get one, and the grandchildren would get one.

Send out a group text,

"Happy Holidays, We are fortunate to gift everyone a cash gift from Mom's estate before year end. Please call me to get your banking information so that I can facilitate the transfer. Best wishes during the holiday season."

They don't trust her. She should send a check. No one would smartly give someone like this their bank information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would write everyone a letter establishing your durable power of attorney and that annual cash gifts are part of a comprehensive estate plan approved by a financial planner. Then just cut the checks. If the recipients are adults, you don’t need to do anything else. I would personally want to inform the parents barring a really good reason not to, but I don’t think you have an obligation to do that if they’re not minors.

She doesn't want to do this as she doesn't want to be transparent and taking more for her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, they are in college, I think it is fine to reach out to them directly. Do you have relationship with them? If so, meet with them for lunch and ask them directly.
You are doing the right thing by being fair.
Good on you!

Thank you! They are away in their college towns. This gets me thinking though. I could wait until Thanksgiving when they might be home.

We have not traditionally done things one on one as they are just past being minors and, previously, mom controlled all the interactions. So, having lunch would be a first. One way this might work is to involve the child of mine who is most in touch with them....maybe my child could attend the lunch? I will think this through some more and maybe I will involve my kids after all.

Thank you for the help and kind words! Yes, I am fair even though they have been told I am Satan. LOL

OP

There is clearly more to this if they don't support a relationship or you never tried and just want an opinion and to control them. No, you don't offer lunch.

[Anonymous]

Just send a text saying: hi X, it’s Aunt x. Grandmas financial advisor recommended gifting $19,000 to each of the grandkids from her estate. Can you let me know your address so we can send the check there? If easier, please let me know if you have Zelle (and associated phone number) and prefer to be sent the money that way instead. Thanks, and hope you are doing well!

[Anonymous]

Text them. If they don’t reply, no money. Don’t offer lunch, their parents probably brainwashed them against you so no point.