Concerned about neighbor—advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

I’m a former prosecutor by the way, for what that’s worth.

Better to apologize later for being too vigilant than to leave her dying or rotting in there. Police will take full responsibility for whatever happens after you call them and share exactly what you said in your OP.

But be prepared to never have the same relationship. I would be so pissed if I was legitimately out of town and had made proper arrangements for my pet’s care, and a neighbor called the police because I didn’t inform her, as if I had to do that before leaving town!

I should think if you were a single woman living alone (like I have been much of my adult life) you would get over it and forgive a concerned neighbor’s call to police, especially if you’d made a habit of letting her know when you traveled and the house was vacant. She isn’t picking up phone or responding to texts, which I should think she’d do if able. Unless she’s hiking someplace sans cell phone or signal.

[Anonymous]

Just sent a text voicing concern about the pets, I’ll wait and see. I quickly walked over there and knocked and looked into the large window, but I don’t even see the dog now, so who knows. I’ll wait and if I don’t get a response or see any movement by dusk, I’ll call. Thanks, everyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

I’m a former prosecutor by the way, for what that’s worth.

Better to apologize later for being too vigilant than to leave her dying or rotting in there. Police will take full responsibility for whatever happens after you call them and share exactly what you said in your OP.

But be prepared to never have the same relationship. I would be so pissed if I was legitimately out of town and had made proper arrangements for my pet’s care, and a neighbor called the police because I didn’t inform her, as if I had to do that before leaving town!

Uh, I wouldn't. I would be pleased that someone cared.

Who would be offended by people caring? If my neighbors took it upon themselves to break into my house and nose around, or presented me with a log of my comings and goings and wanted to discuss the inadequacy of my schedule I would be mostly creeped out... would I be bothered if the police came by and made sure I was okay? Absolutely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP she’s on vacation with a dog sitter. I’m not getting why you are so convinced something happened?

You do not know this!

OP - If I were your single neighbor, I'd appreciate your concern. And if something is wrong and you didn't take action, you would feel awful. I agree with the earlier posters that you should ask for a welfare check and let the authorities determine next steps.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are kind to be concerned. Without going into detail, I had a close (young) relative who lived alone and died as a result of a fall in his apartment. His neighbors felt guilty that that had considered but had not asked for a welfare check. No one blames them of course but definitely better to call in this situation. Hope all is ok.

[Anonymous]

If her car is there, with pets being inside and she is not answering any of your calls and texts that would concern me enough to call the police. I would also “forgive” (though there is nothing to forgive) any concerned person for checking on me and sending the police. I can’t see how you could go wrong by making a welfare check,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just sent a text voicing concern about the pets, I’ll wait and see. I quickly walked over there and knocked and looked into the large window, but I don’t even see the dog now, so who knows. I’ll wait and if I don’t get a response or see any movement by dusk, I’ll call. Thanks, everyone!

I had a friend die recently - some kind of cardiovascular event, they didn’t autopsy because of his age - and when he was found his four little dogs were all sitting around his body guarding it.

Sadly sometimes when people don’t get found for an extended period of time, pets can sometimes ravage the body a bit, because nobody is feeding them and the body begins to smell in such way that is appealing to hungry animals with scavenger genes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to be that nosy neighbor, but I’m growing genuinely concerned about the woman who lives next door, and I’m not sure what to do.

We spoke briefly Wednesday evening while I was taking out the trash. We had a friendly chat, and she didn’t mention anything about going out of town, which she usually does. We’re both single and tend to keep an eye on things for each other. She also has a cat and a dog, and always arranges care for them when she's away.

Since Thursday, I haven’t seen any lights on or any signs of movement in or around her house. She didn’t go to work Thursday or Friday (I work from home and usually notice the sound of her car leaving, and it hasn’t moved since Wednesday), and things have just seemed... off. Yesterday, I saw her dog in the window, which doesn’t make sense if she’s out of town. I’ve knocked on the door and called her a few times, no response.

I don’t know her family or any emergency contacts, and I’m hesitant to call the police for a welfare check if it turns out she’s just sick or resting. But I’m concerned, especially with her pets possibly being left unattended.
If anyone has advice please let me know. I’m trying to be respectful of her privacy while also doing the right thing.

Call police and ask for a wellness check.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be mad, exactly, but I would be so weirded out by my neighbors tracking my movements. Yeah, that relationship is changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leave a note on the doors, she may have someone coming to check the animals while she is away. If nobody responds in a week call the popo

A WEEK!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

I’m a former prosecutor by the way, for what that’s worth.

Better to apologize later for being too vigilant than to leave her dying or rotting in there. Police will take full responsibility for whatever happens after you call them and share exactly what you said in your OP.

But be prepared to never have the same relationship. I would be so pissed if I was legitimately out of town and had made proper arrangements for my pet’s care, and a neighbor called the police because I didn’t inform her, as if I had to do that before leaving town!

But in this scenario, why wouldn't you respond to your neighbor's texts if she said, "I'm really worried about you. I haven't seen you leave in days, and your little dog is wandering around your house. Are you ok? I'm considering calling the police for a welfare check." If you get that text from someone, you'd better respond.

[Anonymous]

Go by every two hours for today. If you have no response by 6pm as you planned. Call!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t be mad, exactly, but I would be so weirded out by my neighbors tracking my movements. Yeah, that relationship is changing.

Well, she won't know who called the cops.

And if you were ever to discuss it, you could say, "well, we sort of keep an eye on each other's places and I noticed Fido jumping around at the window and I thought that's really unlike him, and the more I thought about it, I realized I hadn't seen you walking him recently and I hadn't heard you coming and going, so I thought better safe than sorry."

I have an old lady who lived across the alley and she fell in the shower and broke both of her hips and spent three days sliding on her back down three levels of stairs and trying to reach her phone. She survived, but when she did it again, she didn't. I don't think she would've been upset if someone had called in a welfare check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go by every two hours for today. If you have no response by 6pm as you planned. Call!

This is reasonable.

[Anonymous]

I would call the police and ask for a welfare check. You’ve reached out to her multiple times, via text and calling, and knocking at the door. I’m assuming you left a message and your text indicated you were concerned about her wellbeing and the pets? If she is on vacation and hired someone to take care of her pets, she would be at least occasionally checking her phone to see if there was a problem, right? So she would see your call/text and respond that all is well and she’s just out of town. I guess you could leave a note on the door for a pet sitter, but if you haven’t see one coming and going and it’s been 4 days, I wouldn’t want to wait any longer. I remember reading about poor Gene Hackman, and the fact that his dogs starved to death inside is so heartbreaking.

My uncle died suddenly alone in his apartment. He lived alone and didn’t have super regular contact with family, so we didn’t think anything of it when no one heard from him for a while. Eventually his own nosy neighbor called the police and they found him dead on the floor. We were not upset at all about the broken down door, and very thankful the neighbor sounded the alarm before even more time had passed. No pets, but a decomposing body sitting around for weeks would have been horrible.