Concerned about neighbor—advice?

[Anonymous]

I hate to be that nosy neighbor, but I’m growing genuinely concerned about the woman who lives next door, and I’m not sure what to do.

We spoke briefly Wednesday evening while I was taking out the trash. We had a friendly chat, and she didn’t mention anything about going out of town, which she usually does. We’re both single and tend to keep an eye on things for each other. She also has a cat and a dog, and always arranges care for them when she's away.

Since Thursday, I haven’t seen any lights on or any signs of movement in or around her house. She didn’t go to work Thursday or Friday (I work from home and usually notice the sound of her car leaving, and it hasn’t moved since Wednesday), and things have just seemed... off. Yesterday, I saw her dog in the window, which doesn’t make sense if she’s out of town. I’ve knocked on the door and called her a few times, no response.

I don’t know her family or any emergency contacts, and I’m hesitant to call the police for a welfare check if it turns out she’s just sick or resting. But I’m concerned, especially with her pets possibly being left unattended.
If anyone has advice please let me know. I’m trying to be respectful of her privacy while also doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

It’s kind of you to be concerned, OP. I’d start by sending her a text asking if she’s ok. Sometimes people don’t return missed phone calls.

[Anonymous]

PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

[Anonymous]

Make a wellness request with your local emergency service. Call the non-911 number. And if all is well, apologize and express your concern for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s kind of you to be concerned, OP. I’d start by sending her a text asking if she’s ok. Sometimes people don’t return missed phone calls.

This is what I did after seeing the dog. No response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

Of course my mind goes here, but I’m going to feel awful if they break down her door and she’s out of town and has arrangements made for the pets. Who will fix her door, and who wants to deal with that while on vacation, or whatever? This is what’s holding me back.

[Anonymous]

I would go with the wellness check.

But first I'd go near the window and try to attract the dog to interact with me.

If the dog shows up and rattles around for 15 minutes or so without her checking on it, that's more evidence that a wellness check is needed.

[Anonymous]

OP she’s on vacation with a dog sitter. I’m not getting why you are so convinced something happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

I’m a former prosecutor by the way, for what that’s worth.

Better to apologize later for being too vigilant than to leave her dying or rotting in there. Police will take full responsibility for whatever happens after you call them and share exactly what you said in your OP.

[Anonymous]

Leave a note on the doors, she may have someone coming to check the animals while she is away. If nobody responds in a week call the popo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

Of course my mind goes here, but I’m going to feel awful if they break down her door and she’s out of town and has arrangements made for the pets. Who will fix her door, and who wants to deal with that while on vacation, or whatever? This is what’s holding me back.

You will. You will fix her door and it will soothe your guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

Yeah, and its' not a big deal, they'll just come and knock, and not say who called for them. If she doesnt' answer, they can assess whether they need to do more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

I’m a former prosecutor by the way, for what that’s worth.

Better to apologize later for being too vigilant than to leave her dying or rotting in there. Police will take full responsibility for whatever happens after you call them and share exactly what you said in your OP.

But be prepared to never have the same relationship. I would be so pissed if I was legitimately out of town and had made proper arrangements for my pet’s care, and a neighbor called the police because I didn’t inform her, as if I had to do that before leaving town!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PLEASE CALL POLICE FOR A WELFARE CHECK. They will get her family contacts and permission to break in if necessary. She could be laying in there disabled and unable to use phone to call for help. She could be laying in there dead.

Of course my mind goes here, but I’m going to feel awful if they break down her door and she’s out of town and has arrangements made for the pets. Who will fix her door, and who wants to deal with that while on vacation, or whatever? This is what’s holding me back.

You will. You will fix her door and it will soothe your guilt.

Former prosecutor again - police won’t break down the door unless by checking the property, looking in windows and speaking with relatives they determine they have exigent circumstances to proceed in that fashion. If everything looks ok and family contacts don’t raise alarm, they won’t do anything like breaking down the door. And then it will be on them to have made the determination to do nothing.

[Anonymous]

If you sent a text and she didn’t respond, and you saw the dog, I think it’s reasonable to knock on the door. If you don’t get a response, send another text saying you’re concerned about the dog. If you don’t get a response in 12 hours, call for a welfare check.

But honestly maybe she just has the flu or Covid or something and is holed up. Or sprained and ankle and is working from home or whatever. But I don’t think the above steps are unreasonable if your gut is worried. A little aggressive, but not unreasonable.