Bf left for a few days and I am thrilled-bad sign?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would break up. I am serious.

[Anonymous]

Do you want kids with this man? My answer will vary depending on your response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bf recently moved in and while we love each other very much and we work well together (this has been the most mature and calm relationship I’ve ever had), I am not very happy with how the move went overall.

He decided to move things over little by little, leaving my, now, our place in a state of « in between » that’s just lasted too long (it’s been two months). I am off for several weeks this summer and working on a masters thesis. My goal was to focus on that, my health, making dinner, etc…I have zero issues taking on more on the domestic front while I’m off work, but the move has had taken up a large chunk of my « free time ».

I am a bit upset that he didn’t take any time off to take care of the move, even a day or two to do it all at once, instead he’s moved things over at night and weekends. I have been organizing all his stuff, meeting buyers at his place to hand off stuff and furniture, dropping stuff (mine and his) off at thrift stores, and selling a lot of things on marketplace. It has really taken a lot of time.

I voiced to him that I feel my personal time has come as a collateral to his refusal to take time off for the move. Some background here is that he works for himself, is kind of a workaholic, struggles with taking vacation, etc.

He got a bit defensive and said that’s why I « should pay someone to complain to ». He mostly does get defensive when the topic of time off/vacation time comes up.

I don’t need any « break up » response because overall this is a great relationship. Outside of this move, it’s great, he actually was at my place for 6 months before moving in with no issues regarding sharing domestic responsibilities.

He just left to visit his parents for 4-5 days for his dad’s bday and I am thrilled to have the time off since I have felt a bit suffocated lately by the move. I also politely pointed out recently that i wish he would take time off for us.

I wonder if me being happy he left for a few days is a bad sign. 😞

Should I just get over it? Or try to discuss this further?

The move-in process is not the issue. You bringing up that you're no longer comfortable with him relying on your unpaid labor to make his life easier and being met with "pay a therapist to whine to, I don't want to hear about it" is the issue. If you cannot communicate about a real problem in your relationship without him dismissing and attacking you, this is not a "great relationship."

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

She took time off to WORK. To do her thesis. Not to do someone else’s errands because he can’t be f***ed to take care of his own sh*t.

Him taking advantage of the time she set aside for her thesis is complete BS. He is definitely a user, and taking advantage of OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, you moved in with a guy without a commitment. That was dumb. Have some dignity, learn from your mistake and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I would break up. I am serious.

+1 Who talks to a partner like that? Pay someone to complain to? Nooooooo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Bf recently moved in and while we love each other very much and we work well together (this has been the most mature and calm relationship I’ve ever had), I am not very happy with how the move went overall.

He decided to move things over little by little, leaving my, now, our place in a state of « in between » that’s just lasted too long (it’s been two months). I am off for several weeks this summer and working on a masters thesis. My goal was to focus on that, my health, making dinner, etc…I have zero issues taking on more on the domestic front while I’m off work, but the move has had taken up a large chunk of my « free time ».

I am a bit upset that he didn’t take any time off to take care of the move, even a day or two to do it all at once, instead he’s moved things over at night and weekends. I have been organizing all his stuff, meeting buyers at his place to hand off stuff and furniture, dropping stuff (mine and his) off at thrift stores, and selling a lot of things on marketplace. It has really taken a lot of time.

I voiced to him that I feel my personal time has come as a collateral to his refusal to take time off for the move. Some background here is that he works for himself, is kind of a workaholic, struggles with taking vacation, etc.

He got a bit defensive and said that’s why I « should pay someone to complain to ». He mostly does get defensive when the topic of time off/vacation time comes up.

I don’t need any « break up » response because overall this is a great relationship. Outside of this move, it’s great, he actually was at my place for 6 months before moving in with no issues regarding sharing domestic responsibilities.

He just left to visit his parents for 4-5 days for his dad’s bday and I am thrilled to have the time off since I have felt a bit suffocated lately by the move. I also politely pointed out recently that i wish he would take time off for us.

I wonder if me being happy he left for a few days is a bad sign. 😞

Should I just get over it? Or try to discuss this further?

The move-in process is not the issue. You bringing up that you're no longer comfortable with him relying on your unpaid labor to make his life easier and being met with "pay a therapist to whine to, I don't want to hear about it" is the issue. If you cannot communicate about a real problem in your relationship without him dismissing and attacking you, this is not a "great relationship."

+1

That would be it for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

She took time off to WORK. To do her thesis. Not to do someone else’s errands because he can’t be f***ed to take care of his own sh*t.

Him taking advantage of the time she set aside for her thesis is complete BS. He is definitely a user, and taking advantage of OP.

We don’t know the whole situation but it’s possible that the only reason that she can take time off to focus on her thesis is because he has sacrificed and is financially supporting her, taking on extra for her. So his expectation that she do likewise for him isn’t a red flag. Since she said he has lived there for 6 months and did all his share, he probably feels things are still fair if he is taking on more so she can take time off work but in return she helps out more during this move with all that time off. Working on a thesis is flexible work hours. You can be available to do other things. Maybe she isn’t an equal financial contributor to the expenses of the home and life right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

She took time off to WORK. To do her thesis. Not to do someone else’s errands because he can’t be f***ed to take care of his own sh*t.

Him taking advantage of the time she set aside for her thesis is complete BS. He is definitely a user, and taking advantage of OP.

We don’t know the whole situation but it’s possible that the only reason that she can take time off to focus on her thesis is because he has sacrificed and is financially supporting her, taking on extra for her. So his expectation that she do likewise for him isn’t a red flag. Since she said he has lived there for 6 months and did all his share, he probably feels things are still fair if he is taking on more so she can take time off work but in return she helps out more during this move with all that time off. Working on a thesis is flexible work hours. You can be available to do other things. Maybe she isn’t an equal financial contributor to the expenses of the home and life right now.

Wow you’re really bending the laws of physics to make up stories to justify lazy behavior from men. Disgusting. Have some standards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

She took time off to WORK. To do her thesis. Not to do someone else’s errands because he can’t be f***ed to take care of his own sh*t.

Him taking advantage of the time she set aside for her thesis is complete BS. He is definitely a user, and taking advantage of OP.

We don’t know the whole situation but it’s possible that the only reason that she can take time off to focus on her thesis is because he has sacrificed and is financially supporting her, taking on extra for her. So his expectation that she do likewise for him isn’t a red flag. Since she said he has lived there for 6 months and did all his share, he probably feels things are still fair if he is taking on more so she can take time off work but in return she helps out more during this move with all that time off. Working on a thesis is flexible work hours. You can be available to do other things. Maybe she isn’t an equal financial contributor to the expenses of the home and life right now.

No. He has been moving in for two months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

She took time off to WORK. To do her thesis. Not to do someone else’s errands because he can’t be f***ed to take care of his own sh*t.

Him taking advantage of the time she set aside for her thesis is complete BS. He is definitely a user, and taking advantage of OP.

We don’t know the whole situation but it’s possible that the only reason that she can take time off to focus on her thesis is because he has sacrificed and is financially supporting her, taking on extra for her. So his expectation that she do likewise for him isn’t a red flag. Since she said he has lived there for 6 months and did all his share, he probably feels things are still fair if he is taking on more so she can take time off work but in return she helps out more during this move with all that time off. Working on a thesis is flexible work hours. You can be available to do other things. Maybe she isn’t an equal financial contributor to the expenses of the home and life right now.

It's also possible that he cannot unpack because he is the only astronaut capable of manning a rocket shot directly at an asteroid that will otherwise hit North America and wipe out 80% of life on the planet! There's absolutely nothing in the OP to support either of our theories, but I think they're still plausible. Don't let people that "live in reality" and "don't make wild assumptions based on nothing" get in your head, PP. You're right, the guy who is moving into *her* house and making her resell his grotty furniture on FB marketplace is probably her sugar daddy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

She took time off to WORK. To do her thesis. Not to do someone else’s errands because he can’t be f***ed to take care of his own sh*t.

Him taking advantage of the time she set aside for her thesis is complete BS. He is definitely a user, and taking advantage of OP.

We don’t know the whole situation but it’s possible that the only reason that she can take time off to focus on her thesis is because he has sacrificed and is financially supporting her, taking on extra for her. So his expectation that she do likewise for him isn’t a red flag. Since she said he has lived there for 6 months and did all his share, he probably feels things are still fair if he is taking on more so she can take time off work but in return she helps out more during this move with all that time off. Working on a thesis is flexible work hours. You can be available to do other things. Maybe she isn’t an equal financial contributor to the expenses of the home and life right now.

It's also possible that he cannot unpack because he is the only astronaut capable of manning a rocket shot directly at an asteroid that will otherwise hit North America and wipe out 80% of life on the planet! There's absolutely nothing in the OP to support either of our theories, but I think they're still plausible. Don't let people that "live in reality" and "don't make wild assumptions based on nothing" get in your head, PP. You're right, the guy who is moving into *her* house and making her resell his grotty furniture on FB marketplace is probably her sugar daddy!

The mental gymnastics of this dude is insanity. He’s probably a lazy mooch himself and his momma told him any woman would be happy to wipe his a— for him.

[Anonymous]

A lot of gendered responses. You never see threads saying the man should never help his girlfriend with errands or support her during a move and that she needs to be an adult and do everything herself or else she is a walking red flag and a user. And if the guy was at home and she was at work, there would be an expectation he would help out with daytime things versus doing nothing for her and expecting her to leave work to do anything that needed to be done during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he wants a new bang-mommy and you’re it.

I would take this time to consider the long term. He’s a workaholic who won’t take time off to do HIS own tasks and expects you to. YOU are selling his stuff, YOU are meeting his buyers. When you asked for help he told you to pay someone to complain to, so he brushed you off and dismissed your concerns. He won’t even ATTEMPT to have a conversation with you about your life together.

You just aren’t very important to him it sounds like. He puts himself and his priorities first, and keeps you around to do all the sh!t he doesn’t want to. Personally I see a ton of red flags here and wouldn’t want this relationship for myself. You say everything is great, but these are major issues.

To play devil's advocate - OP had time off (she didn't take it off, sounds like it was a summer vacation from school?) so I do think it makes sense that she take on more of the burden during that time.

HOWEVER, this guy sounds like a user and OP sounds like someone who will let him walk all over her, which is a bad mix. They don't seem compatible.

She took time off to WORK. To do her thesis. Not to do someone else’s errands because he can’t be f***ed to take care of his own sh*t.

Him taking advantage of the time she set aside for her thesis is complete BS. He is definitely a user, and taking advantage of OP.

We don’t know the whole situation but it’s possible that the only reason that she can take time off to focus on her thesis is because he has sacrificed and is financially supporting her, taking on extra for her. So his expectation that she do likewise for him isn’t a red flag. Since she said he has lived there for 6 months and did all his share, he probably feels things are still fair if he is taking on more so she can take time off work but in return she helps out more during this move with all that time off. Working on a thesis is flexible work hours. You can be available to do other things. Maybe she isn’t an equal financial contributor to the expenses of the home and life right now.

No. She said he’d been at her place for 6mons before moving in, as in sleep overs.

The mask always falls once they think they have their hooks in. Op what you are seeing now is the real him. The defensive angry little man child who can’t take responsibility or accountability.