WWYD? Family history event vs. intense 10th grade classes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she want to go? Is she interested? If she really wants to go I'd help make it happen, but if she's reluctant, I wouldn't push it. It will be a huge pain to make up all the school work and it will be a tiring trip for her.

This. Missing a week of school is a lot of it’s a good school. I would help make it happen if she is interested, but I would not push it because you are hoping it will spark a connection that is not there. Especially if you and your spouse are not going (sort of shows you do not think it is important)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that neither you and your husband can’t make something so important but you want to send your busy high schooler. Plus it sounds like she’s not that keen anyway. Let her stay home. The other adult going can record the ceremony to share with the family.

OP here. Not odd - we're applying for our green card and are not allowed to leave the US while it's processing. Otherwise I'd go!

I just posted and then read this. No way should you send your minor child out of the country if you are not yet a citizen. There is a lot of craziness going on. I would be afraid she could have trouble getting back into the country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that neither you and your husband can’t make something so important but you want to send your busy high schooler. Plus it sounds like she’s not that keen anyway. Let her stay home. The other adult going can record the ceremony to share with the family.

OP here. Not odd - we're applying for our green card and are not allowed to leave the US while it's processing. Otherwise I'd go!

I just posted and then read this. No way should you send your minor child out of the country if you are not yet a citizen. There is a lot of craziness going on. I would be afraid she could have trouble getting back into the country.

OP here. But she's a US citizen. She shouldn't have any problems, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In September, some of my relatives will gather in a European country to attend a public ceremony marking an event in which my ancestor played a role. My adult kid will attend. My husband and I cannot attend, but I was wondering if my high schooler should go. She has lived in the US all her life and has the least connection to our European history. I feel this would help her understand her origins.

The problem is that she picked a very serious load of classes for 10th grade and she's going to be stressed out about missing a week of school, and might hate traveling to Europe by herself (she'd be picked up at the airport by her brother and relatives, of course).

But this event is not likely to re-occur. The head of the family who invited us is elderly and in poor health. It might be her only chance at meeting him at his best (tasked with this public presentation, he loves those).

What would you do?

Go obviuosly. High school is a nothing burger, doesn't matter in life as long as you graduate, and missing a week of it is no big deal. We used to pull kids out for a week every year to travel. Much more education than being in a babysitting public school.

[Anonymous]

I would leave the decision up to her.

[Anonymous]

You just said it would stress her out to go. Why would you make her do that?

[Anonymous]

Send her

[Anonymous]

Let her decide. For some kids, making up a week of work is stressful.

Also consider, if she gets sick while traveling she might miss more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that neither you and your husband can’t make something so important but you want to send your busy high schooler. Plus it sounds like she’s not that keen anyway. Let her stay home. The other adult going can record the ceremony to share with the family.

OP here. Not odd - we're applying for our green card and are not allowed to leave the US while it's processing. Otherwise I'd go!

Very reasonable and good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems odd that neither you and your husband can’t make something so important but you want to send your busy high schooler. Plus it sounds like she’s not that keen anyway. Let her stay home. The other adult going can record the ceremony to share with the family.

OP here. Not odd - we're applying for our green card and are not allowed to leave the US while it's processing. Otherwise I'd go!

I just posted and then read this. No way should you send your minor child out of the country if you are not yet a citizen. There is a lot of craziness going on. I would be afraid she could have trouble getting back into the country.

OP here. But she's a US citizen. She shouldn't have any problems, right?

Different poster than you’re responding to, here

While you’re right that she shouldn’t have any problems, a lot of things have happened that shouldn’t. Trump keeps talking about ending birthright citizenship, contrary to the Constitution, the supreme law of the land, that he swore to preserve, protect, and defend - that shouldn’t be happening.

I’m certainly no expert, but I’d check with one before you send your daughter and make sure you take all possible steps to make sure she’s protected. Probably nothing would happen, but these are strange times.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that she picked a very serious load of classes for 10th grade and she's going to be stressed out about missing a week of school, and might hate traveling to Europe by herself (she'd be picked up at the airport by her brother and relatives, of course).

But has she said this? What is her attitude about the trip? As a teen I would have hated something like this, especially alone. Does she speak the language? Is she comfortable with the country and the relatives? I would have felt absolutely smothered by my relatives since I barely spoke the language. If she wants to go, do everything you can to help accomplish that. If not, then it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Does she need to be gone a whole week to attend this ceremony?

I don’t think she’ll have problems returning to the US as a citizen, but what would happen if she was seriously injured or got very, very sick? Is there anyone there who can take care of her? Could your adult child extend their trip if necessary? I’m asking because I have a relative who suffered the sudden onset of a medical condition that required surgery while they were in a foreign country. It sounds like you and your dh would be unable to leave the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she need to be gone a whole week to attend this ceremony?

I don’t think she’ll have problems returning to the US as a citizen, but what would happen if she was seriously injured or got very, very sick? Is there anyone there who can take care of her? Could your adult child extend their trip if necessary? I’m asking because I have a relative who suffered the sudden onset of a medical condition that required surgery while they were in a foreign country. It sounds like you and your dh would be unable to leave the US.

OP here. Yes, she speaks the language and has visited a few times, but always with us. Our parents and siblings live there and will be happy to see her. Her older brother is attending college there, but he has to arrive in August and stay, so they cannot fly together.

Thank you everyone. I posted before telling her, just to get my thoughts in order. Of course if she doesn't want to go, I wouldn't force her.

[Anonymous]

I would send her.
One week of 10th grade at the beginning of the school year isn't going to break her GPA.
And the amount of family, local and larger european history she absorbs with this event cannot be replicated.

[Anonymous]

Does she need to miss a whole week? When I was a junior in high school I went to an important event for my grandparents in a country that was a 10 hour flight away. I just missed Friday and Monday.

It's ok to go to far and expensive places for short periods if it's for a meaningful event.