Empathy needs to be consciously taught. It’s a skill. |
It’s parenting. They may have educated themselves, but to what? |
Children take the lead from their parents. If they grow up in a household where the parents are grateful and caring the odds are pretty good they will be the same. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. |
Ironically you don't see that how you got to the point where you could do what you wanted to do, move where you wanted to move and marry whom you wanted to marry. Did you see getting good education, not doing drugs or not sleeping around as a favor to them, not to yourself? Did you face any consequences of moving or marrying? Were they being protective to save you? Yes, they shouldn't have tried to stop you but what was the intention? |
That's exactly what Ai was asking. You give blame and resent for what they did wrong and credit for what they did right and margin for their own upbringing and circumstances. No? |
Today, my mom cannot recall calling me a see you next Tuesday by the time I was 12. She forgets the daily screaming fights with her husband.
My brother and I were raised by babysitters. When she needs help one day, she can call a babysitter. |
What did you do when you were 12 to deserve it? There’s two sides to every story. |
Spoiled children usually = ungrateful children. Please do NOT provide “all you can”. |
This. |
DP. Lol no child deserves to be called names, but especially not that name. If a child is misbehaving, it is your job as a parent to figure out why and TEACH them a better way to handle the situation. Any parent calling their kid a see you next Tuesday has abdicated one of the core obligations of parenthood in favor of blaming and shaming. Weak sauce. |
Pp here. There were things my mom did that at the time I thought were controlling but as an adult/parent I completely have rethought. I still think she was more strict than most but I at least understand her reasoning. There is nothing I can think of that will make me understand why she would threaten to send me to an adoption agency because I didn't want to pick up my room (I was probably 6) or telling me I had made her so upset I was going to give her a heart attack and then I could explain to my dad and brother that I had killed her (said while feeling her pulse and saying she had chest pain and palpitations). I could write a novel about everything she did. So while it's great that you understand why your dad was strict and can understand us, not all of us are that fortunate. Some of us truly do have strict, controlling, and emotionally manipulative parents. |
PP, I’m sorry this happened to you. Don’t waste your breath explaining yourself to this person or others. She’s clearly just trying to rile things up or she has royally messed things up with her own children and wants to place blame on the adult children. Of course, sometimes it’s the adult child’s fault, if we are talking about new issues where adults are responsible for their actions and decisions. But often it’s leftover childhood trauma. You don’t need to show gratitude for that. Or maybe you can separate the gratitude from the trauma. Depends on the level I guess. In any case, you don’t owe anyone anything except to go to sleep feeling good about whatever decisions you take each day. |
She was a child!! No one deserves that. |
I might be considered ungrateful. I never wanted to be born and spent most of my life wondering why my parents kept me alive once they had the son they wanted. They should have murdered me at 18 months when they got the child with the penis like they wanted. |
Gratitude and caring aren’t the same thing.
Expecting children to be “grateful” is pretty toxic— they don’t ask to be born, and what you retroactively deem to have been “all you can” may be woefully inadequate. Caring comes down to personality and parenting. If they were raised to show emotion in a healthy and constructive way they will probably appear caring. |