DH makes me be the bad guy

[Anonymous]

wow team OP here. I don't know how some of you function if you can just toss weekend chores away on whimsy! Carpe diem! Right Scarlett O'Haras? For some of us it isn't rigid control to get things done in an order---- it's survival! Once you're behind in the week you can never catch up. I don't know what y'all are dropping to catch up in the week. You're probably my coworkers. Or the DH!

[Anonymous]

The best scenario would have been "do you want to go grab pizza/burgers with the Flanders?" not bring a family over for unplanned casual dinner.

[Anonymous]

You have no good reason why they couldn’t come over. It’s summer of course it’s hot, eat outside anyways there was a nice breeze yesterday. It’s summer who cares if the kid stays up late. It’s summer who cares if you use paper plates. It’s summer just enjoy your family without the stick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:wow team OP here. I don't know how some of you function if you can just toss weekend chores away on whimsy! Carpe diem! Right Scarlett O'Haras? For some of us it isn't rigid control to get things done in an order---- it's survival! Once you're behind in the week you can never catch up. I don't know what y'all are dropping to catch up in the week. You're probably my coworkers. Or the DH!

If your weekend chores prevent you from spending time with your loved ones or having any spontaneity then you need reprioritize your week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He works hard and wants to enjoy the family he is providing for when he can be around. He is a bit insensitive, but you have lost the joy in life to the tasks already. You should assign some tasks to the kids or ask him if you can hire some additional help a few days a week, so you can enjoy your family again.

Your mental health is important too, try not to blame him for the challenges you are experiencing, he is not creating problems on purpose to be an ass.

But not hard enough for her not to work: she has a morning meeting and camp so clearly has a job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow team OP here. I don't know how some of you function if you can just toss weekend chores away on whimsy! Carpe diem! Right Scarlett O'Haras? For some of us it isn't rigid control to get things done in an order---- it's survival! Once you're behind in the week you can never catch up. I don't know what y'all are dropping to catch up in the week. You're probably my coworkers. Or the DH!

If your weekend chores prevent you from spending time with your loved ones or having any spontaneity then you need reprioritize your week.

Are you working parents? Weekend chores esp Sunday night is part of the package. Unless you are $$$ and hired a house manager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow team OP here. I don't know how some of you function if you can just toss weekend chores away on whimsy! Carpe diem! Right Scarlett O'Haras? For some of us it isn't rigid control to get things done in an order---- it's survival! Once you're behind in the week you can never catch up. I don't know what y'all are dropping to catch up in the week. You're probably my coworkers. Or the DH!

If your weekend chores prevent you from spending time with your loved ones or having any spontaneity then you need reprioritize your week.

If he wants to invite people over, he should’ve shopped, cooked and cleaned enough to make it happen.

Also, if he's gone all week, he doesn't get to redefine bedtime. For young kids, it can set them back for days, but not his problem because he's traveling all week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old is your kid and what time is camp wake-up. I am surprised by how often I hear about kids having to go to bed early because of an early camp wake-up. It isn't school where you need a well functioning brain. I'm not saying kids can just stay up late every night when in camp, but the occasional late night is not going to hurt them.

Early wake up for camp is usually so kids can be dropped off at camp and parents can work.

No, I understand that. I’m a working mom though my kids are now teens. What I don’t understand is why it requires an early bedtime every single night.

[Anonymous]

I am a bit you, OP. Spontaneous late afternoon fun that pushes bedtime is hard for me. As the kids have gotten a bit older, I've also unclenched a bit. More often than not, I pay for it the next morning but it's summer. My spouse and I both work full time and yes, early camp. But my spouse helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:wow team OP here. I don't know how some of you function if you can just toss weekend chores away on whimsy! Carpe diem! Right Scarlett O'Haras? For some of us it isn't rigid control to get things done in an order---- it's survival! Once you're behind in the week you can never catch up. I don't know what y'all are dropping to catch up in the week. You're probably my coworkers. Or the DH!

If your weekend chores prevent you from spending time with your loved ones or having any spontaneity then you need reprioritize your week.

Are you working parents? Weekend chores esp Sunday night is part of the package. Unless you are $$$ and hired a house manager.

NP. Wrong. I am a working parent who handles the vast majority of the house/kid work. I don't let "weekend chores" get in the way of spending time with people. I'm flexible enough to make it work so that we don't live our lives in thrall to chores. You should try it. It's a happier life than you have.

[Anonymous]

Why do your kids have a bedtime? Let them sleep when they’re tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or...you could loosen up the death grip of control, give in to sponteneity and have unexpected fun all while reinforcing to your daughter the value of friends and having fun. A week of regimented meals, a military time schedule and an uptight home doesn't sound like a fun place to be a kid.

Yeah I'm a DW but am like the DH in this situation. Unless this is a really little kid or special circumstances, I have a 4yo (and older siblings) and we've let bedtime slip in the summer. We are always at the pool and make a lot of informal plans with other families. That said, we don't always eat home cooked healthy balanced meals, more like pulling stuff together. So this OP is definitely more organized than I am.

I would be irked that DH put me on speakerphone though. Our conversations are between us and not for kids or other families that hear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:or...you could loosen up the death grip of control, give in to sponteneity and have unexpected fun all while reinforcing to your daughter the value of friends and having fun. A week of regimented meals, a military time schedule and an uptight home doesn't sound like a fun place to be a kid.

Yeah I'm a DW but am like the DH in this situation. Unless this is a really little kid or special circumstances, I have a 4yo (and older siblings) and we've let bedtime slip in the summer. We are always at the pool and make a lot of informal plans with other families. That said, we don't always eat home cooked healthy balanced meals, more like pulling stuff together. So this OP is definitely more organized than I am.

I would be irked that DH put me on speakerphone though. Our conversations are between us and not for kids or other families that hear!

OP was home being the workhorse all day while he swam with the kids, then he invited more to the table without offering to help. A worse horse doesn't want more work. I would've been mad, too. Before I had kids, I loved spontaneity and last-minute informal dinners. If DH was super helpful and did any of the cooking, this might also appeal to me now. But if he swam all day with the kids while I stayed home and did work, hard no.

[Anonymous]

He's not "making you be the bad guy." He's proposing something you don't want to do, but that lots of us would happily do. The kitchen is messy? Who cares? Your kid goes to camp a little tired? Not a big deal. All of this is very possible, but you're CHOOSING to say no. If you feel like the bad guy (and I agree, I think saying no to this makes you a bad parent), you can either change yourself or you can own it, but he's not responsible for your inflexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's not "making you be the bad guy." He's proposing something you don't want to do, but that lots of us would happily do. The kitchen is messy? Who cares? Your kid goes to camp a little tired? Not a big deal. All of this is very possible, but you're CHOOSING to say no. If you feel like the bad guy (and I agree, I think saying no to this makes you a bad parent), you can either change yourself or you can own it, but he's not responsible for your inflexibility.

Disagree. He swims all day, then piles on more work for her to do, then leaves for the week? That is disgusting behavior. What he should do is stay home all day, meal prepping for the week, since he won't be there to help. Give her a break to connect with her kids in a non-stressful environment like the pool. Then he should make dinner for her, the kids, and all their friends.