Menopause rage makes me hate my nice husband

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Husbands endure a lot. Men really need to communicate their frustrations because that silence makes women dominate the grievance space.


No one said we were dominating the grievance space in our relationship. We know these are non-issues, and have to do with us, rather than our husbands.

When I'm this ragey, I kiss him goodnight, and tell him I need to put myself to bed. Hot shower plus cozy bed will usually do the trick.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No, menopausal rage did not happen with me. In fact, these are the best years of our married life. I am SAHM whose kids have left the coop and DH still has a few years before retirement.

But, some of the reasons why there is no rage but a whole lot of love for my spouse -

- I am a SAHW. No pressure to go to toxic workplace enviornments. (Sorry, but if you have a great and happy workplace, you are the few lucky ones!). We have money. No abuse, adultery, addiction issues.

- I have my own bedroom and own bathroom. We cuddle, we have sex, we nap together, but we have our own space.

- Domestic staff. I don't ever want to tell anyone to do their share of chores at my house because no one ever does it happily and I don't care for the drama and the resentment. So, I have always had a weekly cleaner for the house. I also have a landscape guy who mows every 10 days and does my seasonal maintenance for $$$$ extra money.

- We have enough money to outsource stuff. I am a minimalist kind of person who does not care for clothes, expensive grooming, designer stuff for my own self. So, I decided there is no need for me to save my DH's money and not outsource stuff. My DH does not care about the money I spend in outsourcing things, but he will be pissed if I am a rage-filled spouse.

- My entire focus has been my kids and family, so since that all turned out ok, I am most relaxed and chilled.

- I am not a hyper or a super-competetive person. As long as I am able to meet my social and family obligations, I don't want too much. I am not a striver. I am happy as a clam with my life as it is.


So then this thread is not for you. Please take your smug self to some other place.


+1
Anonymous
I'm a husband with a wife right on the cusp of menopause. Thanks for letting me peak into your mental space.

I'm a decent husband, I think; but I also chew and breathe at times. So it's good to know what my wife might (soon) be going through.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I'm a husband with a wife right on the cusp of menopause. Thanks for letting me peak into your mental space.

I'm a decent husband, I think; but I also chew and breathe at times. So it's good to know what my wife might (soon) be going through.


07/09/2025 11:55 Here. I'm 58. Depending on your wife's age, it might be a while. Now is the time to practice not doing either.
Anonymous
Ladies, stop being so hard on yourselves and MAKE CHANGES.

No, don’t go get a divorce…but DO get therapy. In an individual setting to help reevaluate your values and live better in the present. In couples, to reconnect with the smelly male humans you married. Learn new communication strategies, deal with childhood trauma.

The rage is coming from veils coming off of the oppressive system we are in that expects women to be the caregivers and shoulder the burden. Many of us don’t want to escape that role altogether but overtime it does become too much and our strategies need shifting around. And our partners need to shift with us.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Ladies, stop being so hard on yourselves and MAKE CHANGES.

No, don’t go get a divorce…but DO get therapy. In an individual setting to help reevaluate your values and live better in the present. In couples, to reconnect with the smelly male humans you married. Learn new communication strategies, deal with childhood trauma.

The rage is coming from veils coming off of the oppressive system we are in that expects women to be the caregivers and shoulder the burden. Many of us don’t want to escape that role altogether but overtime it does become too much and our strategies need shifting around. And our partners need to shift with us.



This would require introspection but most women don't want to do that.they would rather blame someone else
Anonymous
At what age does menopause start? Sure I can Google it, but would love to hear some experiences. DW just turned 41 and she hasn't talk about this at all. She recently stated taking a weight loss drugs called zepbound and is also more into skincare and shopping for new outfits? Please don't tell me she is cheating, I rather you tell me it's mid life crisis or the beginning of menopause. She has also been looking for things about me to criticize. I don't know she has been aging weird. For now, I am just being patient and avoiding reacting to every little thing that bothers me. Maybe she is staying menopause?
Anonymous
Estrogen (and progesterone) and fluoxetine for luteal stage.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Ladies, stop being so hard on yourselves and MAKE CHANGES.

No, don’t go get a divorce…but DO get therapy. In an individual setting to help reevaluate your values and live better in the present. In couples, to reconnect with the smelly male humans you married. Learn new communication strategies, deal with childhood trauma.

The rage is coming from veils coming off of the oppressive system we are in that expects women to be the caregivers and shoulder the burden. Many of us don’t want to escape that role altogether but overtime it does become too much and our strategies need shifting around. And our partners need to shift with us.



Oh, shut up. This thread is just a fun way to commiserate about something. Nobody needs therapy for a hormonal shift.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Has anyone actually left their nice husband because of menopausal rage? The sound of his voice and his every habit makes me want to strangle him. It doesn't help that we both work from home (with two teens around this summer to boot), so I have essentially no break, but every single thing he does makes me insane. I fantasize constantly about getting my own apartment where I don't have to deal with his clutter and habits. I probably just need therapy/antidepressants/more yoga....


Hello, me. My husband is delightful. But he breathes, and chews, and moves in bed. He makes stupid jokes, lets the grass get too long before mowing, and weighs 60 pounds more than he should. He doesn't brush his teeth enough, he won't exercise, and he cooks for the whole family. He creates clutter, has big shoes, and he takes out the trash & recycling of his own volition. He won't take his own antidepressants, he still likes to have sex with me, and his breath smells bad in the morning.

As you can see it is a hopeless case and I definitely need a getaway from this horrible man and life we've created together.


Why do they breathe so LOUDLY? Mine sniffs with every inhale. I want to throat punch him. -.-
But he makes coffee and brings it to me. Washes the dogs. Still has a 6 pack. (not beer, abs!) Yes, clutter and leaves his shoes where I trip on them. But is so calm and sweet. I wish he would never eat in my earshot though....

So yeah, I feel you.


Has a 6 pack and you want to throat punch him?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:At what age does menopause start? Sure I can Google it, but would love to hear some experiences. DW just turned 41 and she hasn't talk about this at all. She recently stated taking a weight loss drugs called zepbound and is also more into skincare and shopping for new outfits? Please don't tell me she is cheating, I rather you tell me it's mid life crisis or the beginning of menopause. She has also been looking for things about me to criticize. I don't know she has been aging weird. For now, I am just being patient and avoiding reacting to every little thing that bothers me. Maybe she is staying menopause?


The beginning of menopause is called perimenopause. She's a bit young, but that happens with some people. I'm 58 and not actually through menopause yet. (Officially you are post menopause when you haven't had a period in a year).

What does "aging weird" mean? She's shopping for new outfits because she's losing weight, I'd suspect. And getting more into skincare is likely because she's noticing signs of aging.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:No, menopausal rage did not happen with me. In fact, these are the best years of our married life. I am SAHM whose kids have left the coop and DH still has a few years before retirement.

But, some of the reasons why there is no rage but a whole lot of love for my spouse -

- I am a SAHW. No pressure to go to toxic workplace enviornments. (Sorry, but if you have a great and happy workplace, you are the few lucky ones!). We have money. No abuse, adultery, addiction issues.

- I have my own bedroom and own bathroom. We cuddle, we have sex, we nap together, but we have our own space.

- Domestic staff. I don't ever want to tell anyone to do their share of chores at my house because no one ever does it happily and I don't care for the drama and the resentment. So, I have always had a weekly cleaner for the house. I also have a landscape guy who mows every 10 days and does my seasonal maintenance for $$$$ extra money.

- We have enough money to outsource stuff. I am a minimalist kind of person who does not care for clothes, expensive grooming, designer stuff for my own self. So, I decided there is no need for me to save my DH's money and not outsource stuff. My DH does not care about the money I spend in outsourcing things, but he will be pissed if I am a rage-filled spouse.

- My entire focus has been my kids and family, so since that all turned out ok, I am most relaxed and chilled.

- I am not a hyper or a super-competetive person. As long as I am able to meet my social and family obligations, I don't want too much. I am not a striver. I am happy as a clam with my life as it is.


Hi VP Vance!!
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Has anyone actually left their nice husband because of menopausal rage? The sound of his voice and his every habit makes me want to strangle him. It doesn't help that we both work from home (with two teens around this summer to boot), so I have essentially no break, but every single thing he does makes me insane. I fantasize constantly about getting my own apartment where I don't have to deal with his clutter and habits. I probably just need therapy/antidepressants/more yoga....


Hello, me. My husband is delightful. But he breathes, and chews, and moves in bed. He makes stupid jokes, lets the grass get too long before mowing, and weighs 60 pounds more than he should. He doesn't brush his teeth enough, he won't exercise, and he cooks for the whole family. He creates clutter, has big shoes, and he takes out the trash & recycling of his own volition. He won't take his own antidepressants, he still likes to have sex with me, and his breath smells bad in the morning.

As you can see it is a hopeless case and I definitely need a getaway from this horrible man and life we've created together.


Why do they breathe so LOUDLY? Mine sniffs with every inhale. I want to throat punch him. -.-
But he makes coffee and brings it to me. Washes the dogs. Still has a 6 pack. (not beer, abs!) Yes, clutter and leaves his shoes where I trip on them. But is so calm and sweet. I wish he would never eat in my earshot though....

So yeah, I feel you.


Has a 6 pack and you want to throat punch him?


Only when he breathes.

Ok, I am clearly not being serious and just pointing out how irrational it is sometimes when things annoy you. He's a great guy, and pretty hot (as evidenced by the looks he gets at the pool). You can love someone and still be annoyed by them!
Anonymous
I get you. I was literally considering making a doc appointment to say that I CANNOT STAND my family right now so maybe something is wrong with me. I feel like I spend most of every day screaming at one of them. It’s so stressful.

Does estrogen really help? Is there a blood test to do first?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:No, menopausal rage did not happen with me. In fact, these are the best years of our married life. I am SAHM whose kids have left the coop and DH still has a few years before retirement.

But, some of the reasons why there is no rage but a whole lot of love for my spouse -

- I am a SAHW. No pressure to go to toxic workplace enviornments. (Sorry, but if you have a great and happy workplace, you are the few lucky ones!). We have money. No abuse, adultery, addiction issues.

- I have my own bedroom and own bathroom. We cuddle, we have sex, we nap together, but we have our own space.

- Domestic staff. I don't ever want to tell anyone to do their share of chores at my house because no one ever does it happily and I don't care for the drama and the resentment. So, I have always had a weekly cleaner for the house. I also have a landscape guy who mows every 10 days and does my seasonal maintenance for $$$$ extra money.

- We have enough money to outsource stuff. I am a minimalist kind of person who does not care for clothes, expensive grooming, designer stuff for my own self. So, I decided there is no need for me to save my DH's money and not outsource stuff. My DH does not care about the money I spend in outsourcing things, but he will be pissed if I am a rage-filled spouse.

- My entire focus has been my kids and family, so since that all turned out ok, I am most relaxed and chilled.

- I am not a hyper or a super-competetive person. As long as I am able to meet my social and family obligations, I don't want too much. I am not a striver. I am happy as a clam with my life as it is.


Life sure is easy when born beautiful.
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