Husband’s family obsessed with previous girlfriend

[Anonymous]

My husband doesn’t really say much. He avoids talking about much with his family because their viewpoints are so rigid and outlandish he’s hard to relate on any topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t really say much. He avoids talking about much with his family because their viewpoints are so rigid and outlandish he’s hard to relate on any topic.

Honest question only because I have a couple family members like you describe. Have you ever discussed with your husband why he feels obligated to be part of their lives? It was something I struggled with for years and felt a lot of guilt about wanting to cut them out of my life. But then I had kids. And then my kids became old enough where they could pick up on the family members behavior and what they were saying. And that sealed the deal. I wanted to protect my kids from them. DH was in full support as he'd spent years quietly supporting whatever decision I wanted to make about them but also clearly wanting them out of our lives.

Now, I am involved enough to know what's going on with them but keep my kids and DH away from them. And considering how much worse they've gotten in the last couple years, I'm very glad I'm not exposing my kids to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t really say much. He avoids talking about much with his family because their viewpoints are so rigid and outlandish he’s hard to relate on any topic.

Honest question only because I have a couple family members like you describe. Have you ever discussed with your husband why he feels obligated to be part of their lives? It was something I struggled with for years and felt a lot of guilt about wanting to cut them out of my life. But then I had kids. And then my kids became old enough where they could pick up on the family members behavior and what they were saying. And that sealed the deal. I wanted to protect my kids from them. DH was in full support as he'd spent years quietly supporting whatever decision I wanted to make about them but also clearly wanting them out of our lives.

Now, I am involved enough to know what's going on with them but keep my kids and DH away from them. And considering how much worse they've gotten in the last couple years, I'm very glad I'm not exposing my kids to them.

Yes. But it’s just a tough situation. We spend a lot of time with MIL too and she’s extreme, extreme right which is tough. I don’t want my kids being influenced by her. She’s extremely against education/college, especially the Ivy league and talks about it frequently with the kids and says crazy things like we are going to be homeless, hungry and poor living on the streets because of “the liberals”. It’s a lot. I would love to spend less time with her but it’s not really an option. We don’t see the others much because they live in a different state.

[Anonymous]

He has asked his mom many times to stop talking politics with the kids (they are 4,6,8)

[Anonymous]

You don’t like his family and they don’t like you. You’ve been dealing with this for 10 years and your husband does nothing. You’re not willing to stop seeing them, which really is the answer here. So I guess you’ll just continue on per usual?

[Anonymous]

Sounds made-up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t really say much. He avoids talking about much with his family because their viewpoints are so rigid and outlandish he’s hard to relate on any topic.

Honest question only because I have a couple family members like you describe. Have you ever discussed with your husband why he feels obligated to be part of their lives? It was something I struggled with for years and felt a lot of guilt about wanting to cut them out of my life. But then I had kids. And then my kids became old enough where they could pick up on the family members behavior and what they were saying. And that sealed the deal. I wanted to protect my kids from them. DH was in full support as he'd spent years quietly supporting whatever decision I wanted to make about them but also clearly wanting them out of our lives.

Now, I am involved enough to know what's going on with them but keep my kids and DH away from them. And considering how much worse they've gotten in the last couple years, I'm very glad I'm not exposing my kids to them.

Yes. But it’s just a tough situation. We spend a lot of time with MIL too and she’s extreme, extreme right which is tough. I don’t want my kids being influenced by her. She’s extremely against education/college, especially the Ivy league and talks about it frequently with the kids and says crazy things like we are going to be homeless, hungry and poor living on the streets because of “the liberals”. It’s a lot. I would love to spend less time with her but it’s not really an option. We don’t see the others much because they live in a different state.

Here's the thing. It is an option. He can go deal with his mom alone. There is really no reason your kids or you need to be exposed to this. If he feels an obligation to see her because he's her son, then he can deal with her solo. You have a husband and father problem if he insists that you and the kids join.

[Anonymous]

OP, unfortunately you will experience irrational behavior from irrational people. Alcoholics are irrational.

[Anonymous]

You guys are falling for a very obvious troll. They've been very active this morning, creating multiple threads.

[Anonymous]

Troll

[Anonymous]

Well at least it’s validation that they are nutters when it’s the truth and you are called a troll.

[Anonymous]

Can't fathom why you'd have so much contact OP.

If you aren't willing to put any actual distance between yourself (and kids) and the family, then what do expect to change?

[Anonymous]

You need to discuss this w your husband

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give this another thought except to grey rock them forever because they sound dysfunctional and rude. I love grey rock because it only depends on me maintaining the behavior and it doesn’t require severing the relationship (which your DH may not want to do). It has kept me sane interacting with my in-laws for the last 15 years.

This. I had similar where when first met was no in road with the family unless I wanted to be wasted with them at 10 am on a Tuesday and since I didn’t, could tell level of drink by when they started looping “we miss Larla” (prior ex who apparently was a “great drinker!”). Grey rocking is key to survival if not cutting out completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give this another thought except to grey rock them forever because they sound dysfunctional and rude. I love grey rock because it only depends on me maintaining the behavior and it doesn’t require severing the relationship (which your DH may not want to do). It has kept me sane interacting with my in-laws for the last 15 years.

This. I had similar where when first met was no in road with the family unless I wanted to be wasted with them at 10 am on a Tuesday and since I didn’t, could tell level of drink by when they started looping “we miss Larla” (prior ex who apparently was a “great drinker!”). Grey rocking is key to survival if not cutting out completely.

I am above poster and should add grey rock not enough once kids old enough to hear anything- then cut off completely if continues as your kids shouldn’t hear that at all.