Husband’s family obsessed with previous girlfriend

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been married 10 years, have kids etc. Late 30’s.
The entire time we have been married his mom and brothers have been rude to me and talk constantly about this woman my husband dated for 1 year when he was 24. It was my BIL’s good friend. My MIL is an alcoholic so bonded well with this women, who was also an alcoholic. I mean they hah talked incessantly how they wished he ended up with her. My husband said he stopped dating her due to red flags (drinking at bars at noon by herself) This week she left behind her own husband and died at 40 from alcoholism. The whole thing is sad but I’m also disturbed by their obsession.

[Anonymous]

THey are alcoholics, what do you expect.

[Anonymous]

F them. May she rest in peace and maybe now they’ll shut up about her.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t give this another thought except to grey rock them forever because they sound dysfunctional and rude. I love grey rock because it only depends on me maintaining the behavior and it doesn’t require severing the relationship (which your DH may not want to do). It has kept me sane interacting with my in-laws for the last 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Yah, alcoholics don’t always have the best judgement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t give this another thought except to grey rock them forever because they sound dysfunctional and rude. I love grey rock because it only depends on me maintaining the behavior and it doesn’t require severing the relationship (which your DH may not want to do). It has kept me sane interacting with my in-laws for the last 15 years.

That’s an interesting idea. I’m going to look into this.

[Anonymous]

What on earth does your husband say or do when they bring this up? And how much time do you really spend with these people?

My dad is an alcoholic and my husband barely has to see the guy. And my dad isn’t actually actively obnoxious like these people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What on earth does your husband say or do when they bring this up? And how much time do you really spend with these people?

My dad is an alcoholic and my husband barely has to see the guy. And my dad isn’t actually actively obnoxious like these people.

This. If he just let the comments go and didn't stand up for you, he's most of the problem.

[Anonymous]

He just says he doesn’t care about her.
His family has always been really difficult for me. When we first met and started dating, I found out the mom was gossiping about me to my husband’s cousin and a good female friend from HS. The tone was already set that she didn’t want to like me. I saw some screenshots early in our relationship that his mom had sent my husband. She and the cousin were actually mocking me that I didn’t drink (we lived in a big sports pub culture area). I actually do drink and love a glass of wine or cocktail but had an autoimmune disease when we met and couldn’t drink any alcohol for 2 years.

His siblings take themselves very seriously in a hipster counter culture way. Constantly mock and make fun of where we live and that our kids go to school and church and get vaccines. They just think we are boring which is fine. If is really important for them to live in a hip neighborhood, do mushrooms everyday and go to raves in their 40’s. It’s ironic because they think they are really open minded and free spirited and I find them to be pretty rigid and inflexible with their own beliefs. I’ve tried really hard over the years and I’m always nice to them and make a lot of effort but I’m done at this point.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever heard the phrase? “don’t speak ill of the dead”?

Just leave it alone. She’s gone.

[Anonymous]

At least she's dead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever heard the phrase? “don’t speak ill of the dead”?

Just leave it alone. She’s gone.

Huh? the problem is with MIL who is very much alive.

[Anonymous]

Where is your husband in all of this? Not that I'm giving him a pass, but being in a family of alcoholics can seriously warp how you handle situations. You may find that now that she's passed, the situation will naturally end. But your husband needs to shut it down if it continues. And as much as the comments bother you, you also need to remind yourself that they are coming from completely dysfunctional people and you shouldn't take them to heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever heard the phrase? “don’t speak ill of the dead”?

Just leave it alone. She’s gone.

Huh? the problem is with MIL who is very much alive.

Probably an old person responding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is your husband in all of this? Not that I'm giving him a pass, but being in a family of alcoholics can seriously warp how you handle situations. You may find that now that she's passed, the situation will naturally end. But your husband needs to shut it down if it continues. And as much as the comments bother you, you also need to remind yourself that they are coming from completely dysfunctional people and you shouldn't take them to heart.

Yes, you’re right. His family is very dysfunctional. Everyone’s been married 3+ times. Addiction. Extremist and rigid views. His mom is extreme right MAGA (anti-education) and the brothers are extreme left (against the medical system and all healthcare, anti religion, anti education)