Airing the Dirty Laundry of Schools - Why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why do these school communities come here to DCUM to air the dirty laundry of the school or endlessly defend the school?

It would seem more appropriate to do neither. What is everyone gaining from this, other than making the schools they are attached to look bad or defensive? Or others piling on while admitting lack of experience or knowledge?

I see you have discovered the Internet. Welcome!

Lol. Hilarious ♡

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When someone pays 50,000+ per year for their child's education, they are going to have opinions about it.

It's a mix
- when people think because they paid a high price think they deserve to get what they want (it doesn't work that way - you are paying market price - which is high. You are not paying a price to get you more say. You get to choose where to attend but then you need to find a way to work cooperatively with where you chose....or leave)

- people with strong opinions and are focused just on their child who fail to see the big picture. part of me thinks it doesn't help that there are so many people who think they are powerful in DC circles that they should have the power to steamroll at private school too. But I have also seen others who are just highly opinionated that have no particular power personally/professionally - but fail to understand that no school is perfect - no school is going to cater to every special need of your particular child/situation (unless you are lucky and found the perfect fit fort that child).

Generally, too many people fail to see nuance and lack tack and self-reflection when dealing with a school they pay for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's because there are a lot of prospective parents out there, as well as private school parents who are dissatisfied with their private school and might be ready to leave for greener pastures: both groups want to know which school to trust and want to know every detail. Even if some gossip might be fabricated, people tell each other that there's no smoke without fire.

And then you have the happy parents who identify with their private school and feel personally attacked when someone criticizes "their" school.

You get conflict, obviously.

OP here. The thing is, I based my final decision on where to send DC to school on information gathered from face-to-face interaction with people either working at or sending their kids to each school. It wasn’t gossip here that drove my decision. How do people factor all this dirty laundry into their choices? Does it help anyone? Why not meet face to face or start text groups among concerned parties to solve a problem?

At our school, meeting in person with administrators has produced zero results. The next step is stopping donations. But if your kid is in high school, you are pretty much stuck. Then the frustration boils over and you come here to express it.

We have one child at a school like this - not just admin but also teachers - and oonations don't matter if you aren't giving over $100K. We have another at a school where at least teacher engagement is an open conversation and fruitful (haven't needed admin). Both schools get tons of flack on DCUM. From what I can see - the first has earned the comments and they all ring true to me. The second - I suppose people care about their complaints but have not had the experience the "complainers" describe. But there are others from the first school who would say the same...they didn't experience the parts I see as fully valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When someone pays 50,000+ per year for their child's education, they are going to have opinions about it.

This. I have shared opinions and concerns directly with my kid's HOS, and have shared a few others here. I also learned a few things here which I verified with my kid and other students' parents. For my kid and for 50k/yr, you bet I'm asking questions and sharing my opinion.

[Anonymous]

A lot of parents haven’t been to therapy, and it shows.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat off-topic, as a person with kids in another state who has contemplated switching them to a magnet or private, I am amazed to see many of my public school's problems mirrored at expensive DC private schools.

[Anonymous]

Schools shouldn’t be unaccountable. When there is high demand for something, schools may not care if parents raise issues because they can fill the spot if the person leaves. If ignoring problems, leads to people complaining on the Internet and it potentially reduces demand then they start caring. Private schools are very much about brand and frankly care more about brand protection than your individual kid.

People from a community don’t complain unless they are unhappy. It’s unlikely someone is randomly making something up. Where there is smoke, there is fire is usually correct. Now the complainer may have unrealistic expectations or may be complaining about something you don’t care about so read carefully. It’s similar to Yelp reviews. I care about the food so bad reviews because the server wasn’t friendly enough or they mixed up the order don’t bother me as long as all foods reviews were great. Conversely, a review that gushes over the great service but says the food was bad will keep me away.

[Anonymous]

Parents have every right to reasonably ask questions and expect school administrators to explain their policies. But they do not have the right to expect schools to change their policies. The 50,000 per year should only be spent if you generally trust the school to provide your kid with a quality experience. It does not give you the right to demand the school to change how it does things. I am a longtime independent school teacher and administrator. About 85% of families are very happy and complain very little. Do they think the school is perfect? Of course not. No school can provide every child with a perfect experience. Nor can parents provide theory kids with a perfect life. The huge majority of complaints are from the 10-15% of parents who either have unrealistic views of their kids or would simply be unhappy anywhere. It always amazes me that people continue to pay 50000 year after year to a school that they seem to hate. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Schools shouldn’t be unaccountable. When there is high demand for something, schools may not care if parents raise issues because they can fill the spot if the person leaves. If ignoring problems, leads to people complaining on the Internet and it potentially reduces demand then they start caring. Private schools are very much about brand and frankly care more about brand protection than your individual kid.

People from a community don’t complain unless they are unhappy. It’s unlikely someone is randomly making something up. Where there is smoke, there is fire is usually correct. Now the complainer may have unrealistic expectations or may be complaining about something you don’t care about so read carefully. It’s similar to Yelp reviews. I care about the food so bad reviews because the server wasn’t friendly enough or they mixed up the order don’t bother me as long as all foods reviews were great. Conversely, a review that gushes over the great service but says the food was bad will keep me away.

Does anyone make a decision based on complaints on DCUM? Every school we looked at for our kids were ripped to shreds on DCUM. No school is perfect, just like no parent, kid, administrator or teacher is perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Schools shouldn’t be unaccountable. When there is high demand for something, schools may not care if parents raise issues because they can fill the spot if the person leaves. If ignoring problems, leads to people complaining on the Internet and it potentially reduces demand then they start caring. Private schools are very much about brand and frankly care more about brand protection than your individual kid.

People from a community don’t complain unless they are unhappy. It’s unlikely someone is randomly making something up. Where there is smoke, there is fire is usually correct. Now the complainer may have unrealistic expectations or may be complaining about something you don’t care about so read carefully. It’s similar to Yelp reviews. I care about the food so bad reviews because the server wasn’t friendly enough or they mixed up the order don’t bother me as long as all foods reviews were great. Conversely, a review that gushes over the great service but says the food was bad will keep me away.

Does anyone make a decision based on complaints on DCUM? Every school we looked at for our kids were ripped to shreds on DCUM. No school is perfect, just like no parent, kid, administrator or teacher is perfect.

I hope they don’t, but sometimes valuable information is given here regarding grade makeup/personality etc. just check out the SR thread. The new family that is just now finding out their DDs grade is knowing for bullying probably wishes they asked this forum earlier. But, yes, you are correct, one needs to take much of this with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve found this forum to be useful in getting practical info about schools. This morning, I found a long string on the departures at one school, and the threat meant is a student at another.

Why do these school communities come here to DCUM to air the dirty laundry of the school or endlessly defend the school?

It would seem more appropriate to do neither. What is everyone gaining from this, other than making the schools they are attached to look bad or defensive? Or others piling on while admitting lack of experience or knowledge?

To warn others what do you think families should just look the other way?

[Anonymous]

A lot is people with an axe to grind, and not actually connected to the school. A few months ago, someone criticized our school's head of lower school, who they claimed was a black man. Our head of Lower School has been a white woman for years, and before that, it was another white woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot is people with an axe to grind, and not actually connected to the school. A few months ago, someone criticized our school's head of lower school, who they claimed was a black man. Our head of Lower School has been a white woman for years, and before that, it was another white woman.

Yes, she’s probably been a white woman her whole life.

[Anonymous]

I ask parents to think about this: was your school experience perfect? Did you have ups and downs? Were some of your teachers better for you than others? Did you experience issues with the kids at times? Were you always happy? Did the tough experiences help you later in life? Did your parents constantly intervene on your behalf, or did you need to sometimes figure things out for yourself? Is everything really a high stakes situation? Or is struggle part of growing up? Maybe the next time you sit down to write an angry email to the school, you should think about whether you are really helping your kid, or are you just fulfilling some need of your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask parents to think about this: was your school experience perfect? Did you have ups and downs? Were some of your teachers better for you than others? Did you experience issues with the kids at times? Were you always happy? Did the tough experiences help you later in life? Did your parents constantly intervene on your behalf, or did you need to sometimes figure things out for yourself? Is everything really a high stakes situation? Or is struggle part of growing up? Maybe the next time you sit down to write an angry email to the school, you should think about whether you are really helping your kid, or are you just fulfilling some need of your own.

That last line. Parents take out deep rooted feelings on school administrators, teachers, other kids, other parents. This is what I think people mean when they say most of the parents who complain would be unhappy at any school: their deep rooted feelings go with them wherever the parents go. It’s not about the environment.