Friends don't like me enough to ever invite me

[Anonymous]

Maybe you're bland? I know several people who are perfectly nice, but not particularly dynamic, and nothing about them grabs me. They're pleasant enough to chat with when I am waiting and killing time, but I wouldn't seek them out in my free time.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's you, OP.

I love that you are suggesting low cost get togethers, because that's one of my main complaints with some of my own mid-40s friends. I would say yes more often to things that didn't cost me $50+ every time, because unfortunately I'm not on an unlimited fun budget. I am also tired and dearly love alone time, so frequently I'm not inviting people anywhere because: a) I'm at home doing nothing or b) I want to do something on my own.

I agree that classes and groups like a book club are a good place to find new friends - I made a few good friends several years ago through an exercise class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 43 year old woman and have only a few acquaintances/casual friends and no close friends. I've found it very hard to make good friends and have been trying for 10 years without much luck.

I am always the initiator and invite acquaintances/new acquaintances to do things a lot. What I've noticed is that women are happy to accept my invitations but never invite me to do anything. I can't remember the last time another mom or female friend invited me out for coffee, a walk, or anything. I usually invite other women to get together about once a month or so, to do something like brunch, a walk, coffee, and I wait a few months in between invitations with the same person. In other words, if I invite Jen for lunch in March, I'll wait until June to invite her for coffee next. I also don't get invited to birthday parties for friends or holiday celebrations. I feel invisible and overlooked. If I didn't reach out and do all this inviting, no one would reach out to me and I would be friendless.

I feel that the problem is that other women think I'm nice enough, but don't think of me as someone they would make the effort to reach out to. I feel like I have plenty in common with these other moms/women, and I feel like our conversations go well. I'm not sure how I can fix this problem and therapy has been no help. Any advice?

Take a closer look at your husband and his personality. He may likely be off-putting and the reason why you're not getting more invitations. It's his fault, not yours.

Lol

[Anonymous]

I’ve made good friends at work and by shared hobbies and activities (book club, biking and skiing).

I can’t say l’ve been targeted as a potential friend by other women and deliberately rejecting them, no idea why you aren’t getting traction.

Have you thought about getting a job outside the home? So many of my friends are from past jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 43 year old woman and have only a few acquaintances/casual friends and no close friends. I've found it very hard to make good friends and have been trying for 10 years without much luck.

I am always the initiator and invite acquaintances/new acquaintances to do things a lot. What I've noticed is that women are happy to accept my invitations but never invite me to do anything. I can't remember the last time another mom or female friend invited me out for coffee, a walk, or anything. I usually invite other women to get together about once a month or so, to do something like brunch, a walk, coffee, and I wait a few months in between invitations with the same person. In other words, if I invite Jen for lunch in March, I'll wait until June to invite her for coffee next. I also don't get invited to birthday parties for friends or holiday celebrations. I feel invisible and overlooked. If I didn't reach out and do all this inviting, no one would reach out to me and I would be friendless.

I feel that the problem is that other women think I'm nice enough, but don't think of me as someone they would make the effort to reach out to. I feel like I have plenty in common with these other moms/women, and I feel like our conversations go well. I'm not sure how I can fix this problem and therapy has been no help. Any advice?

Take a closer look at your husband and his personality. He may likely be off-putting and the reason why you're not getting more invitations. It's his fault, not yours.

Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 43 year old woman and have only a few acquaintances/casual friends and no close friends. I've found it very hard to make good friends and have been trying for 10 years without much luck.

I am always the initiator and invite acquaintances/new acquaintances to do things a lot. What I've noticed is that women are happy to accept my invitations but never invite me to do anything. I can't remember the last time another mom or female friend invited me out for coffee, a walk, or anything. I usually invite other women to get together about once a month or so, to do something like brunch, a walk, coffee, and I wait a few months in between invitations with the same person. In other words, if I invite Jen for lunch in March, I'll wait until June to invite her for coffee next. I also don't get invited to birthday parties for friends or holiday celebrations. I feel invisible and overlooked. If I didn't reach out and do all this inviting, no one would reach out to me and I would be friendless.

I feel that the problem is that other women think I'm nice enough, but don't think of me as someone they would make the effort to reach out to. I feel like I have plenty in common with these other moms/women, and I feel like our conversations go well. I'm not sure how I can fix this problem and therapy has been no help. Any advice?

Take a closer look at your husband and his personality. He may likely be off-putting and the reason why you're not getting more invitations. It's his fault, not yours.

Women truly will blame their husbands for everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your best friend is supposed to be your husband, OP. Not girlfriends. Your husband. Focus on that. Women don't get along. There is always infighting, backbiting, catfighting. There is no loyalty among females, and I am one. It is never as good as it seems, OP. You are not missing out on anything. Cheap intimacy is just that. Cheap.

Terrible advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 43 year old woman and have only a few acquaintances/casual friends and no close friends. I've found it very hard to make good friends and have been trying for 10 years without much luck.

I am always the initiator and invite acquaintances/new acquaintances to do things a lot. What I've noticed is that women are happy to accept my invitations but never invite me to do anything. I can't remember the last time another mom or female friend invited me out for coffee, a walk, or anything. I usually invite other women to get together about once a month or so, to do something like brunch, a walk, coffee, and I wait a few months in between invitations with the same person. In other words, if I invite Jen for lunch in March, I'll wait until June to invite her for coffee next. I also don't get invited to birthday parties for friends or holiday celebrations. I feel invisible and overlooked. If I didn't reach out and do all this inviting, no one would reach out to me and I would be friendless.

I feel that the problem is that other women think I'm nice enough, but don't think of me as someone they would make the effort to reach out to. I feel like I have plenty in common with these other moms/women, and I feel like our conversations go well. I'm not sure how I can fix this problem and therapy has been no help. Any advice?

Take a closer look at your husband and his personality. He may likely be off-putting and the reason why you're not getting more invitations. It's his fault, not yours.

Jesus.

It can be true. I used to be work friends with a lovely, interesting woman. When we started hanging out outside of work I noticed her husband made me uncomfortable and she and her husband shared an email account, which weirded me out. Every single time I talked with him, even for 30 seconds, there was something about him that left me unsettled. Turns out he was abusive and controlling and she ultimately divorced him. We became better friends after that.

My sibling has dropped a couple of friends because she didn't like how the husbands spoke - either to her or to their wives/my sister's friends.

[Anonymous]

OP our society has changed. People are fake. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 43 year old woman and have only a few acquaintances/casual friends and no close friends. I've found it very hard to make good friends and have been trying for 10 years without much luck.

I am always the initiator and invite acquaintances/new acquaintances to do things a lot. What I've noticed is that women are happy to accept my invitations but never invite me to do anything. I can't remember the last time another mom or female friend invited me out for coffee, a walk, or anything. I usually invite other women to get together about once a month or so, to do something like brunch, a walk, coffee, and I wait a few months in between invitations with the same person. In other words, if I invite Jen for lunch in March, I'll wait until June to invite her for coffee next. I also don't get invited to birthday parties for friends or holiday celebrations. I feel invisible and overlooked. If I didn't reach out and do all this inviting, no one would reach out to me and I would be friendless.

I feel that the problem is that other women think I'm nice enough, but don't think of me as someone they would make the effort to reach out to. I feel like I have plenty in common with these other moms/women, and I feel like our conversations go well. I'm not sure how I can fix this problem and therapy has been no help. Any advice?

Take a closer look at your husband and his personality. He may likely be off-putting and the reason why you're not getting more invitations. It's his fault, not yours.

Jesus.

It can be true. I used to be work friends with a lovely, interesting woman. When we started hanging out outside of work I noticed her husband made me uncomfortable and she and her husband shared an email account, which weirded me out. Every single time I talked with him, even for 30 seconds, there was something about him that left me unsettled. Turns out he was abusive and controlling and she ultimately divorced him. We became better friends after that.

My sibling has dropped a couple of friends because she didn't like how the husbands spoke - either to her or to their wives/my sister's friends.

This is why I never hand out with my wife and her female friends. I'm not weird, but I just feel like as a man I don't think I'll enjoy spending time with other women without their husbands being present.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What could be some examples of something about my personality that the other women don't like?

Also, if they really don't like me, why do they accept all my invitations? I would think they would make up an excuse and decline them.

Here is an example: I have invited my son's best friend and his mom to meet up with us for fun activities (mini golf, movie, bowling, etc.) about 10 times in two years. We always have a nice time chatting but she has never invited us to do anything. I have also invited her 1:1 for lunch several times. Again, she has never invited me to do anything but accepts my invitations. How do I interpret this?

I wouldn’t assume that there’s anything about your personality that they dislike — more that they have full lives already, and don’t have the time or energy to initiate things. She’s happy to hang out with you — when you make the effort. That —to me —says more about being at a stage of life which includes multiple demands, and not having the bandwidth/desire to do more things that take effort.m

[Anonymous]

I come from a lower middle class family and we are top upper middle class now. Upper middle class people are weird let's just keep it at that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What could be some examples of something about my personality that the other women don't like?

Also, if they really don't like me, why do they accept all my invitations? I would think they would make up an excuse and decline them.

Here is an example: I have invited my son's best friend and his mom to meet up with us for fun activities (mini golf, movie, bowling, etc.) about 10 times in two years. We always have a nice time chatting but she has never invited us to do anything. I have also invited her 1:1 for lunch several times. Again, she has never invited me to do anything but accepts my invitations. How do I interpret this?

I'm the one who said you might be bland. I would accept your invitation if you're doing something I REALLY want to do, or I am bored and have nothing else going on and kind of feel like "Eh, why not?"

[Anonymous]

It's not you OP. People are slammed and exhausted and it's easier to scroll through Instagram (or DCUM) than spend time with a real live person, despite that in-person interaction being a million times better for them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What could be some examples of something about my personality that the other women don't like?

Also, if they really don't like me, why do they accept all my invitations? I would think they would make up an excuse and decline them.

Here is an example: I have invited my son's best friend and his mom to meet up with us for fun activities (mini golf, movie, bowling, etc.) about 10 times in two years. We always have a nice time chatting but she has never invited us to do anything. I have also invited her 1:1 for lunch several times. Again, she has never invited me to do anything but accepts my invitations. How do I interpret this?

I wouldn’t assume that there’s anything about your personality that they dislike — more that they have full lives already, and don’t have the time or energy to initiate things. She’s happy to hang out with you — when you make the effort. That —to me —says more about being at a stage of life which includes multiple demands, and not having the bandwidth/desire to do more things that take effort.m

YES! This. Unless I really hit it off with a person it is so hard to make room to hang out bc of the stage of life I am in right now (full time work with young kids). From time to time it’s nice but more so than not, I just want to watch a movie with my husband or spend time with close friends I already have. You just have to find someone on the same wavelength. Sign up to welcome a new family at school- they may be looking for a deeper connection bc they are new to your community