Do you let your high schoolers enjoy wine with dinner at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t use DoorDash or Uber Eats almost ever, but your comment shows that you’re just seething with disdain for anyone who makes different choices than you do.

Take out is worse for children than a home cooked Mediterranean diet with a glass of wine. Obesity is the norm in the U.S.

That statement just isn’t true. I’m not a tee totaler but I also don’t encourage my teens to drink. And if you’re European, personally I’ve found that many are functional alcoholics who need alcohol at almost every meal. Not exactly something to aspire to, even if you are thinner than Americans. Although I’ll bet the DCUM pop runs fairly svelte

[Anonymous]

Once they turned 18 I allowed it, they are off at college so this is just at Christmastime dinners. And now they’re over 21. They don’t like wine though and don’t have more than a sip or two. We made strawberry margaritas at NYE. One is in Europe for the summer and we’ll see if they like wine more when they return in August. The school program includes a wine tasting.

[Anonymous]

Nope. And that's regardless of whether we are cooking dinner or getting DoorDash. If you're in HS you are not served wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're French, and had our kids taste wine and other alcohols when they pretty young, because in many French families, this is what happens. They didn't like it. So now they're young adults and older teens, we drink extremely rarely (a couple of times a year, maybe), and the children don't usually join us, even though we'd have no problems if they did. I think we all lack the gene that makes humans like alcohol. It does nothing for us. We would definitely NOT be fine with frequent drinking. As PP said, it's not good for your health.

I'm a francophile, and I agree. OP your message comes off as though you think you're superior. You're not. Go to any AA meeting and you'll find many addicts who started drinking very young with their families.

[Anonymous]

My family did this - we were allowed to have a small glass of wine with dinner. How we turned out:

1. Me - had very little interest in drinking throughout my 20s. Never went to parties, rarely went out, can count on one hand how many times I’ve been drunk. After having kids, dove headfirst into mommy wine culture, drinking 3-5 glasses per day and drove a couple times I really shouldn’t have. Quit and am now completely sober.

2. Sister - drank heavily and partied heavily in college. Stopped in her late 20s and rarely drinks now, probably hasn’t in years.

3. Brother - full blown alcoholic since adolescence. Multiple DUIs, most recent one he was extremely intoxicated, crashed into a tree, is lucky to be alive and that he didn’t kill anyone. No relationships because he’s a mean drunk and women don’t stick around. Looks terrible.

It’s really not so black and white of “serve alcohol so you demystify it”. Different kids raised in the same environment turn out differently.

Personally we are a dry house. H also has problems drinking, so we’ve just cut it out entirely. We don’t demonize it, we are honest with our kids that they likely have genes for alcoholism and personality disorders triggered by alcohol and drugs (they run in H’s family). If they want to try it, I will always let them because I would rather they try with me than at a party where a guy might spike their drink. I let them know I won’t judge and if they ever need me to get them because they’re drunk at a party, or they realize they have a problem, I will be there with no questions asked and no judgements.

[Anonymous]

Every now and then. Hard apple cider mostly.
I want the kids to understand how to enjoy a meal with wine and that it is for social occasions.

My kid is legal to drink in the UK where they are heading this fall so popping out to the pub with friends will be happening. Hopefully they can approach it with a sense of ease and find it enjoyable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess this depends on your commitment to sit down for a family meal regularly. If you’re relying on Uber Eats or DoorDash to feed your family you can just move along from here.

We pair a bottle of wine with our family dinners. Allowing our teens to enjoy wine with their meal serves to demystify alcohol. It has served us and them well.

No. Because they don’t “enjoy” wine.

The binge drink beer and seltzer like God intended teens to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're French, and had our kids taste wine and other alcohols when they pretty young, because in many French families, this is what happens. They didn't like it. So now they're young adults and older teens, we drink extremely rarely (a couple of times a year, maybe), and the children don't usually join us, even though we'd have no problems if they did. I think we all lack the gene that makes humans like alcohol. It does nothing for us. We would definitely NOT be fine with frequent drinking. As PP said, it's not good for your health.

France has a huge problem with binge drinking and teenagers. Definitely not a culture to emulate. Europeans in general are lushes — ever see the Brits? And like 3/4 of Russians show signs of fetal alcohol syndrome in their faces.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess this depends on your commitment to sit down for a family meal regularly. If you’re relying on Uber Eats or DoorDash to feed your family you can just move along from here.

We pair a bottle of wine with our family dinners. Allowing our teens to enjoy wine with their meal serves to demystify alcohol. It has served us and them well.

No. Because they don’t “enjoy” wine.

The binge drink beer and seltzer like God intended teens to do.

Haha- 30 years later I can still smell the keg parties.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn’t allow my hs kids to drink alcohol. It’s very bad for their developing brain. Well, actually it’s just bad in general, for everyone but especially for kids/teens.

(We also don’t ever eat door dash or uber eats and we do have homemade family meals together most nights. We eat at restaurants/take out very rarely and are generally quite healthy.)

Also, my parents are alcoholics who were very successful in their careers despite alcoholism (my mom is a medical Dr, my dad is a professor) who had wine nightly. My siblings and I were allowed to drink too. How we turned out:

I drank way too much throughout my teens and 20s and 30s and am now 40 and finally sober.
My older brother drinks daily and is a high functioning alcoholic (for now)
My younger brother abuses alcohol and other substances and is marginally employed.

Lots of factors at play and largely genetic I’m sure but look at yourself and your spouse and your extended family, OP. Are you alcoholics? Or phrased in a way that’s more palatable: do you have alcohol use issues? If you drink nightly, you might. Be careful w your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t alcoholics that drink every day.

Oh, this is so tiresome. If someone has dessert every day, do you say they have a "dessert problem" or are a "chocoholic?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess this depends on your commitment to sit down for a family meal regularly. If you’re relying on Uber Eats or DoorDash to feed your family you can just move along from here.

We pair a bottle of wine with our family dinners. Allowing our teens to enjoy wine with their meal serves to demystify alcohol. It has served us and them well.

No. It's illegal to serve alcoholic beverages to anyone under ,age 21, even at home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess this depends on your commitment to sit down for a family meal regularly. If you’re relying on Uber Eats or DoorDash to feed your family you can just move along from here.

We pair a bottle of wine with our family dinners. Allowing our teens to enjoy wine with their meal serves to demystify alcohol. It has served us and them well.

No. It's illegal to serve alcoholic beverages to anyone under ,age 21, even at home

Varies by state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t alcoholics that drink every day.

Oh, this is so tiresome. If someone has dessert every day, do you say they have a "dessert problem" or are a "chocoholic?"

NP. Yeeeaahh, that’s the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're French, and had our kids taste wine and other alcohols when they pretty young, because in many French families, this is what happens. They didn't like it. So now they're young adults and older teens, we drink extremely rarely (a couple of times a year, maybe), and the children don't usually join us, even though we'd have no problems if they did. I think we all lack the gene that makes humans like alcohol. It does nothing for us. We would definitely NOT be fine with frequent drinking. As PP said, it's not good for your health.

France has a huge problem with binge drinking and teenagers. Definitely not a culture to emulate. Europeans in general are lushes — ever see the Brits? And like 3/4 of Russians show signs of fetal alcohol syndrome in their faces.

Ya this. I'm married to a European person and you should see how drunk people get at weddings -- it's honestly deeply disturbing, like they can't see straight and stand up on their own. And everyone has an uncle who was an alcoholic just, like, disappeared one day (likely they literally just died somewhere in their own).

It's not something to emulate.