Why won’t DH read fiction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The [only] problem is him being judgey about what you read.

I read silly, lightweight books. I recount them to my DH, who doesn't read fiction, and he laughs about them with me. He doesn't have to find them fascinating, and they're not the only thing I talk about, but that kind of conversational exchange is part of marriage. Just like spouses should be able to talk about their jobs, so long as it's not excessive.

OP, I'd call him on being judgey. Nobody likes a book snob. But you also shouldn't expect him to read what you like.

OP is equally judgey.

I don't think so, because if he didn't read at all she'd have the same issue.
I think she's looking for a point of connection with her DH and not finding it. And perhaps picking up on a lack of respect as well.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he struggles to read. Many have had a mediocre education and can’t read above5th grade level.

[Anonymous]

Read erotic fiction together. Bet he will be willing to discuss that.

[Anonymous]

Why do you expect your husband to fulfill the role of fiction book discussion partner? Post some reviews on GoodReads and join a book club!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The [only] problem is him being judgey about what you read.

I read silly, lightweight books. I recount them to my DH, who doesn't read fiction, and he laughs about them with me. He doesn't have to find them fascinating, and they're not the only thing I talk about, but that kind of conversational exchange is part of marriage. Just like spouses should be able to talk about their jobs, so long as it's not excessive.

OP, I'd call him on being judgey. Nobody likes a book snob. But you also shouldn't expect him to read what you like.

OP is equally judgey.

I don't think so, because if he didn't read at all she'd have the same issue.
I think she's looking for a point of connection with her DH and not finding it. And perhaps picking up on a lack of respect as well.

Agree she is looking for connection.

Disagree she isn’t judging him. He “refuses to read fiction.” She asks could there be something wrong with him like a lack of empathy?

I know people who read only nonfiction and people who read only fiction. There isn’t anything wrong with any if them.

Find another way to connect and let him read what he wants.

[Anonymous]

I think tastes change and I’m not sure why you’re so bristled about what he wants to read, or not read.

I used to read anything and everything. I even read 50 Shades, as bad as the series was.

These days, I have less time and I’m more interested in expanding my knowledge than I am with feeding my brain with literary candy. Most of the time, I don’t even have time to read so I’m stuck with Audible. As I’m no longer in school and my CE is related to my field, I like to fill that time with interesting topics, learning about the world around me, stretching the limits of my intellect. I don’t get that with fiction, even though I don’t mind fiction at all.

I also agree that the quality of fiction writing has degraded (and I’m sure the writers of the classics may have said that long ago). I find a lot of fiction completely inane and unreadable. Of course, this isn’t every book but if I’m going to hedge my bets about my limited time, I can at least get something out of a non fiction book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am willing to and do read pretty much anything. Unfortunately, as someone who loves to discuss books with others, I find myself married to someone who refuses to read fiction and most topics of non-fiction, too.

When we were dating and engaged, DH was able to talk a lot about fiction, but in hindsight it was books he was forced to read in HS or college or books he sort of knew about from book reviews in the NYT or from other people’s conversations.

I can’t change what he reads now, but I’m hoping someone who reads exclusively non-fiction can help me understand your reasoning behind not liking or being drawn to fiction.

I originally was going to post this to the book forum, but I’m realizing it’s more about my relationship and worries about who I’m married to. DH is very judgey of the books I read, but they’re all so different that I think he’s actually judging the concept of fiction and reading it.

Could this be a neurodivergence thing? A lack of empathy? Aphantasia? Something else?

Our relationship has been bumpy lately and I’m realizing there are some things that seem benign (like reading) hint at something more problematic below the surface.

How old are you all?

How much does he read on his phone? (The internet has changed many people's reading habits; it may not just be a function of age.)

I honestly find most fiction boring. A really good absorbing fiction book is much harder to find, in my opinion, than nonfiction. I actually prefer novella-length nonfiction to books.

-A woman

[Anonymous]

I prefer nonfiction, too. I wouldn’t want to read fiction, either. Maybe he would like a mystery?

[Anonymous]

I mean....my ex didn't read at all. When I packed up his books from our decades long marriage, they didn't even fill a book box. I read fiction and non-fiction. I've never thought to judge people who read one vs. the other but I do judge people who don't read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could this be a neurodivergence thing? A lack of empathy? Aphantasia? Something else?

OP, how do we get here, exactly?

[Anonymous]

What??! I love reading and my dh does not. We have plenty to talk about. And I talk about books with my book loving friends. This is an odd thing to be upset about, op.

[Anonymous]

I’d rather be set on fire than read the slop that passes for fiction these days.

[Anonymous]

Just be happy he reads OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d rather be set on fire than read the slop that passes for fiction these days.

It's crazy what's getting published these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am willing to and do read pretty much anything. Unfortunately, as someone who loves to discuss books with others, I find myself married to someone who refuses to read fiction and most topics of non-fiction, too.

When we were dating and engaged, DH was able to talk a lot about fiction, but in hindsight it was books he was forced to read in HS or college or books he sort of knew about from book reviews in the NYT or from other people’s conversations.

I can’t change what he reads now, but I’m hoping someone who reads exclusively non-fiction can help me understand your reasoning behind not liking or being drawn to fiction.

I originally was going to post this to the book forum, but I’m realizing it’s more about my relationship and worries about who I’m married to. DH is very judgey of the books I read, but they’re all so different that I think he’s actually judging the concept of fiction and reading it.

Could this be a neurodivergence thing? A lack of empathy? Aphantasia? Something else?

Our relationship has been bumpy lately and I’m realizing there are some things that seem benign (like reading) hint at something more problematic below the surface.

You should be asking yourself whether you’re neurodivergent.