Why won’t DH read fiction?

[Anonymous]

I am willing to and do read pretty much anything. Unfortunately, as someone who loves to discuss books with others, I find myself married to someone who refuses to read fiction and most topics of non-fiction, too.

When we were dating and engaged, DH was able to talk a lot about fiction, but in hindsight it was books he was forced to read in HS or college or books he sort of knew about from book reviews in the NYT or from other people’s conversations.

I can’t change what he reads now, but I’m hoping someone who reads exclusively non-fiction can help me understand your reasoning behind not liking or being drawn to fiction.

I originally was going to post this to the book forum, but I’m realizing it’s more about my relationship and worries about who I’m married to. DH is very judgey of the books I read, but they’re all so different that I think he’s actually judging the concept of fiction and reading it.

Could this be a neurodivergence thing? A lack of empathy? Aphantasia? Something else?

Our relationship has been bumpy lately and I’m realizing there are some things that seem benign (like reading) hint at something more problematic below the surface.

[Anonymous]

Are you serious? You think this is a marital problem?

I read huge quantities of fiction before college including everything from Harlequins to classic British and French literature. Read a bunch more classics and Shakespeare plays in college.

During my 20s, I went through a phase of reading almost all non-fiction. I was curious about the world and my industry/discipline. So I read up. I also was very focused on building my skills. I'd actually had poor luck with some fiction recommendations and I was trying to make better use of my reading time. I focused on reading newspapers a lot during that era as well.

Since then, I have had other periods of interest and disinterest in various genres. I recently ended a six year period where I was mostly reading web-based fan fiction, some of which has been rewritten to be professionally published.

So things can change.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you read some nonfiction and discuss that with him?

…and no, not reading fiction isn’t a symptom of anything other than not being interested in fiction.

[Anonymous]

Probably for the same reasons that people prefer to watch reality TV 📺 these days instead of soap operas.

[Anonymous]

Without lying, OP, list the last five fiction books you read.

[Anonymous]

My best friend is a college English professor who reads 100 books a year. Her husband couldn’t care less about reading. They’ve been married 22 years and are one of the best couples I know.

OP, if it’s a problem for you, and as you said it seems to be indicative of something bigger, then take it seriously. Are you newly married? Do you have kids?

[Anonymous]

Fiction made after the golden age of the novel is sooo bad though. Barnes and Noble is full of crap, chick lit, and fantasy slop these days. Maybe he’s waiting for the modern classics to emerge.

[Anonymous]

Two separate issues here. That he doesn’t read fiction isn’t that strange, this is true for a lot of men later in life I think. As an avid reader of fiction myself when younger, it becomes harder and more challenging to find the time; nonfiction is less challenging if you’ve got a busy schedule, in my opinion, its way easier to pick up and put down nonfiction to fit it into limited windows of time. That he judges what you read is more concerning, how does that manifest? Could mean a lot of different things.

[Anonymous]

You do see that you are judging his reading habits, too?

Your attitudes toward what the other prefers are the issue, not what you each prefer to read.

[Anonymous]

The [only] problem is him being judgey about what you read.

I read silly, lightweight books. I recount them to my DH, who doesn't read fiction, and he laughs about them with me. He doesn't have to find them fascinating, and they're not the only thing I talk about, but that kind of conversational exchange is part of marriage. Just like spouses should be able to talk about their jobs, so long as it's not excessive.

OP, I'd call him on being judgey. Nobody likes a book snob. But you also shouldn't expect him to read what you like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The [only] problem is him being judgey about what you read.

I read silly, lightweight books. I recount them to my DH, who doesn't read fiction, and he laughs about them with me. He doesn't have to find them fascinating, and they're not the only thing I talk about, but that kind of conversational exchange is part of marriage. Just like spouses should be able to talk about their jobs, so long as it's not excessive.

OP, I'd call him on being judgey. Nobody likes a book snob. But you also shouldn't expect him to read what you like.

OP is equally judgey.

[Anonymous]

I have no insight for you.
I read fiction and non-fiction. Among friends, I feel like I read the most non-fiction of anyone I know.
I also notice male acquaintances on my Goodreads read as much as or more non-fiction than I do.

Ask me more, but it doesn’t stand out to me anything other than he is practical to an extreme.

This is why you’re having a disconnect. You’re less practical, more fun loving just for the hell of it. Let each other be and enjoy your lives. You don’t have to agree on things to have a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

I’m dyslexic and I only read non-fiction. I can’t stand fiction books I’ve tried to read them over and over. I try and it’s just so terrible.

My husband reads about three books a week and my best friend reads fiction and my brother reads an immense amount, the common denominator I find with people who need to read a lot is that they have anxiety and they really just can’t stop their brain so they need books to do so.

Have you looked into treating your anxiety??

[Anonymous]

I have ADD, and reading a book is torturous by itself, reading a fiction book is like being tortured by the ones you love.

Fiction, specifically sci-fi or fantasy is just ridiculous too me.

Maybe he doesn't like to read and that is ok.

[Anonymous]

Why are you so controlling? Yikes. Red flag much?