Level 1 ASD and Kinder

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does he end up hurt or nearly hurt if you don’t intervene? Do you mean that other kids are hurting him because he is bothering them as he isnt reading social cues?

In a book or movie, he can correctly identify emotions but in real life that all goes out the window. He’s a sweet kid and loves to hug his peers. Most kids tolerate one or two hugs, but after a while especially if it’s hot outside they’re just done. DS can’t seem to read their annoyance and he’s been shoved, kicked, punched, etc. We read him stories about body boundaries, we model respectful behavior (not hugging or touching him without permission), and he’s in ABA too. I’m hoping the new ADHD meds will help him slow down and listen. I’m glad this hasn’t happened at school yet, but I’m scared it will lead to misunderstandings at his new school if it does. They might think he’s the one starting fights. Maybe in a way he is because the other kids deserve their space, but I just wish I could get through to him.

[Anonymous]

ADHD meds won’t teach him to stop hugging his friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD meds won’t teach him to stop hugging his friends.

Right like I said it might slow him down enough to listen to people.

[Anonymous]

OP have you tried viewing this as sensory seeking behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 4.5-year old is so bright and a loving kid. All his therapists and his preschool teachers think he’s ready for kindergarten at an NT private school. The problem is that he masks heavily and the behavior I’ve seen at the park and at play dates makes me very concerned for Kindergarten especially unstructured times like recess. He struggles to keep his hands himself, can’t read the facial expressions of his disgruntled friends, and often ends up hurt or nearly hurt if I don’t intervene. The preschool teachers swear they’ve never seen this at school. I’m concerned he’s going to struggle during recess/PE/special events and that repeat incidents will get him in trouble at an NT school, but academically I feel like he’s right there. What would you do? NT or ND private school? The public schools are awful in our area, overcrowded and history of not providing proper IEP services.

I would def stick with ND private or public. They'll kick him out of a typical private pretty quick prob

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ADHD meds won’t teach him to stop hugging his friends.

Sure they will. It'll control his impulse long enough for him to remember he's not allowed to do that and make a different choice.

[Anonymous]

Homeschool with plenty of play dates to work on these social aspects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Homeschool with plenty of play dates to work on these social aspects.

This has been so hard. Most kids don’t want to play with him for the aforementioned reasons. We’re definitely doing school of some kind.

[Anonymous]

I have a level 1 ASD child and have been looking at private k because her IEP would not give her the level of support she needs to thrive (think 15 minutes/day) and our school district is roundly criticized by just about everyone we know for their special ed services.

It has been slim pickings for private school. When we disclose ASD, tolerance seems to go out the window most NT places, and they make clear that your child must be very “lite” on needs and behaviors. Often these schools will say they are not the right fit for DD without even taking a moment to hear her profile. Even many SN schools that help kids with things like “language based disabilities and ADHD” specifically say they are not a good fit for ASD children.

It’s very frustrating. We don’t want to be counseled out, and we want DD to be accepted for her neurodiversity, not just tolerated if she can “mostly fit in” which is why we are working hard to review our options. We found maybe 2 schools total that seem a good fit for our DD that have NT and ND children (definitely a quirky kids school vibe) and access to the gen ed curriculum.

I’m surprised you are finding NT private schools open to your child. I think you mentioned above that he has no friends due to these behaviors or at least most kids don’t want to play with him—this sounds pretty serious and I’m shocked some of this isn’t happening in preschool—hearing this alone makes me think he wouldn’t be tolerated at a private school.

My DD is clearly on the quirky side but has lots of friends and is well-liked at school despite some of her hard edges. And like I said, despite this the NT private schools are fairly discriminatory.

I think you should focus on inclusive elementary schools if you can find one in your area. Or if you haven’t gotten feedback from your therapists already, I’d ask where kids with his profile have been successful since they think he’s ready for NT private schools. I’d also ask what supports kids like him get at the school—in some cases ASD kids are only accepted to these schools if they have an aide to monitor their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a level 1 ASD child and have been looking at private k because her IEP would not give her the level of support she needs to thrive (think 15 minutes/day) and our school district is roundly criticized by just about everyone we know for their special ed services.

It has been slim pickings for private school. When we disclose ASD, tolerance seems to go out the window most NT places, and they make clear that your child must be very “lite” on needs and behaviors. Often these schools will say they are not the right fit for DD without even taking a moment to hear her profile. Even many SN schools that help kids with things like “language based disabilities and ADHD” specifically say they are not a good fit for ASD children.

It’s very frustrating. We don’t want to be counseled out, and we want DD to be accepted for her neurodiversity, not just tolerated if she can “mostly fit in” which is why we are working hard to review our options. We found maybe 2 schools total that seem a good fit for our DD that have NT and ND children (definitely a quirky kids school vibe) and access to the gen ed curriculum.

I’m surprised you are finding NT private schools open to your child. I think you mentioned above that he has no friends due to these behaviors or at least most kids don’t want to play with him—this sounds pretty serious and I’m shocked some of this isn’t happening in preschool—hearing this alone makes me think he wouldn’t be tolerated at a private school.

My DD is clearly on the quirky side but has lots of friends and is well-liked at school despite some of her hard edges. And like I said, despite this the NT private schools are fairly discriminatory.

I think you should focus on inclusive elementary schools if you can find one in your area. Or if you haven’t gotten feedback from your therapists already, I’d ask where kids with his profile have been successful since they think he’s ready for NT private schools. I’d also ask what supports kids like him get at the school—in some cases ASD kids are only accepted to these schools if they have an aide to monitor their behavior.

I wish you good luck. Definitely slim pickings. I probably didn’t describe it well, but he’s well liked at school by everyone and has friends there. It’s out in the community where the problems are. I’m just at a loss regarding the stark difference. Probably a combo of my parenting and restraint collapse. I just hope none of it shows up at Kinder without the new environment and demands. We’ve made it 3 years at 2 different schools (we moved) without any incidents. Both of those schools wrote great letters of rec for NT privates based on knowing him. I’m nervous, but I’ll have to make a gut decision. I don’t want to put him in a more restrictive environment or in a less rigorous curriculum because of a fear that has never manifested.

[Anonymous]

Our kids seem similar, and mine is a bit older and we’re very happy with our situation, so I’ll tell you what we did. We spent endless hours researching public zones with excellent services, and we found one that also happened to be excellent academically and for creative arts. The schools in the pyramid are large, which was not my preference. But we went into IEP meeting with an independent evaluation and got an amazing level of services. Now midway through elementary DS is thriving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. I’m not sure if masking is the correct term, but he does a great job of regulating at school but the moment he’s picked up it’s like he flips a switch. He’s so irritable after school so we keep a low-demand environment. I’m nervous as the school day lengthens and the expectations increase, that the irritability and meltdowns will spill over at school. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, but if this were to happen at an NT school I don’t think they would be keen to work with us. Or if we started medications I’m not sure we could speak openly with them to find the best fit for symptom control throughout the day.

I know you know your kid and I’m sure you have good reasons for your concerns, but, as you say, maybe you are slightly overly concerned?

The behaviors you’re talking about are common among many kids, ND or not, e.g. struggling to keep hands to yourself, falling apart at the end of the school day.
Schools are accustomed to dealing with meltdowns.

I have one ASD Level 1 upper elementary boy and one NT (but maybe ADHD) lower elementary girl.

Each has had friends but also times with some social struggles. Each has so far avoided major behavioral problems at school but sometimes falls apart on us at home. But I think almost all of us could say the same, right?

It’s awful to worry about your kid’s struggles, but it sounds like your kid’s might not be too atypical and it could be worth it to try a more conventional environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids seem similar, and mine is a bit older and we’re very happy with our situation, so I’ll tell you what we did. We spent endless hours researching public zones with excellent services, and we found one that also happened to be excellent academically and for creative arts. The schools in the pyramid are large, which was not my preference. But we went into IEP meeting with an independent evaluation and got an amazing level of services. Now midway through elementary DS is thriving.

Would you be open to sharing which districts or schools you were most impressed by

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 4.5-year old is so bright and a loving kid. All his therapists and his preschool teachers think he’s ready for kindergarten at an NT private school. The problem is that he masks heavily and the behavior I’ve seen at the park and at play dates makes me very concerned for Kindergarten especially unstructured times like recess. He struggles to keep his hands himself, can’t read the facial expressions of his disgruntled friends, and often ends up hurt or nearly hurt if I don’t intervene. The preschool teachers swear they’ve never seen this at school. I’m concerned he’s going to struggle during recess/PE/special events and that repeat incidents will get him in trouble at an NT school, but academically I feel like he’s right there. What would you do? NT or ND private school? The public schools are awful in our area, overcrowded and history of not providing proper IEP services.

Most pre-k teachers fail to realize that the social expectations of kindergarten are completely different from pre-k.
I child that doesn’t keep hands to himself will be a problem in kinder.
Kindergarten teachers have lower tolerance for disruptive children.
Sorry,OP but your child is not ready for NT kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter how smart your child is,OP.
Kindergarten has implicit and explicit social expectations that they expect all children to follow.
Kindergarten teachers don’t care if your child is the smartest in the class if he is constantly causing disruption.