Level 1 ASD and Kinder

[Anonymous]

Our 4.5-year old is so bright and a loving kid. All his therapists and his preschool teachers think he’s ready for kindergarten at an NT private school. The problem is that he masks heavily and the behavior I’ve seen at the park and at play dates makes me very concerned for Kindergarten especially unstructured times like recess. He struggles to keep his hands himself, can’t read the facial expressions of his disgruntled friends, and often ends up hurt or nearly hurt if I don’t intervene. The preschool teachers swear they’ve never seen this at school. I’m concerned he’s going to struggle during recess/PE/special events and that repeat incidents will get him in trouble at an NT school, but academically I feel like he’s right there. What would you do? NT or ND private school? The public schools are awful in our area, overcrowded and history of not providing proper IEP services.

[Anonymous]

Ask your home based team leader to observe in the preschool and provide an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Kindergarten is the easiest time in elementary for a child who is ND to be in a NT school, and it will get harder every year at least until the very end of elementary. So if you have doubts now that it will work, save yourself some grief and go look at ND schools, because you may end up switching there anyway.

In the end it will come down to the actual school options you have.

Also, I'm not sure "masking" is a useful term with kids that young. it's more like he can act appropriately in a structured class setting where expectations are very clear, and he won't necessarily understand how to behave in a situation when there is more flexibility or ambiguity. That's to be expected and a reason to look for a school that is quite explicit in its expectations.

[Anonymous]

Apply to both then decide,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten is the easiest time in elementary for a child who is ND to be in a NT school, and it will get harder every year at least until the very end of elementary. So if you have doubts now that it will work, save yourself some grief and go look at ND schools, because you may end up switching there anyway.

In the end it will come down to the actual school options you have.

Also, I'm not sure "masking" is a useful term with kids that young. it's more like he can act appropriately in a structured class setting where expectations are very clear, and he won't necessarily understand how to behave in a situation when there is more flexibility or ambiguity. That's to be expected and a reason to look for a school that is quite explicit in its expectations.

Thank you for that perspective. I think he will get in to at least one NT and ND school. He’s unbelievably smart, performs well on assessments, and can follow a classroom routine. I’m worried about what happens after acceptance. If he goes to an ND school for 2E students, he’ll thrive academically with other students like him and potentially be spared from bullying. On the other hand, he won’t have any NT peers and will he be able to grow in his social skills, handling ambiguous situations, etc. if he’s too comfortable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten is the easiest time in elementary for a child who is ND to be in a NT school, and it will get harder every year at least until the very end of elementary. So if you have doubts now that it will work, save yourself some grief and go look at ND schools, because you may end up switching there anyway.

In the end it will come down to the actual school options you have.

Also, I'm not sure "masking" is a useful term with kids that young. it's more like he can act appropriately in a structured class setting where expectations are very clear, and he won't necessarily understand how to behave in a situation when there is more flexibility or ambiguity. That's to be expected and a reason to look for a school that is quite explicit in its expectations.

+1. I think this is a good take. Some kids struggle less after ES, but many kids struggle through HS or at least through MS. It really depends on the child and the school culture/composition of kids in the class.

[Anonymous]

My child attends a prek-8th that attracts a lot of 4-5 yo ND boys to its pre-K program. My DD started with a few of them and it is great through 2nd grade when peers have a decent amount of patience and kids are at all different levels academically so teachers are adept at adapting the curriculum.

But 3rd and 4th were both very rough for these boys. Two of them are in the midst of being counseled out and there are daily incidents related to misses between where their NT male peers are socially and where they are. These are great, nice boys so it’s hard to hear my DD’s stories after school about the latest misunderstanding. I don’t want to scare you, but as other kids become more socially adept they are like sharks smelling blood in the water and they go after the ND kids first. The ND boys were mellow and nice in early grades, but the repeated misunderstandings and slights changed that over time.

I would seek out a public school with lots of possibilities for diverse friendship groups and similar peers. It would be a friendlier 2e and ND environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten is the easiest time in elementary for a child who is ND to be in a NT school, and it will get harder every year at least until the very end of elementary. So if you have doubts now that it will work, save yourself some grief and go look at ND schools, because you may end up switching there anyway.

In the end it will come down to the actual school options you have.

Also, I'm not sure "masking" is a useful term with kids that young. it's more like he can act appropriately in a structured class setting where expectations are very clear, and he won't necessarily understand how to behave in a situation when there is more flexibility or ambiguity. That's to be expected and a reason to look for a school that is quite explicit in its expectations.

Thank you for that perspective. I think he will get in to at least one NT and ND school. He’s unbelievably smart, performs well on assessments, and can follow a classroom routine. I’m worried about what happens after acceptance. If he goes to an ND school for 2E students, he’ll thrive academically with other students like him and potentially be spared from bullying. On the other hand, he won’t have any NT peers and will he be able to grow in his social skills, handling ambiguous situations, etc. if he’s too comfortable?

Are you in the DC area? There really isn't any elementary school for 2e kids.

But you're wrong about not growing because of being "too comfortable." To the contrary, growth only happens when you're comfortable and safe. If you feel anxious and under sensory attack, you can't grow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten is the easiest time in elementary for a child who is ND to be in a NT school, and it will get harder every year at least until the very end of elementary. So if you have doubts now that it will work, save yourself some grief and go look at ND schools, because you may end up switching there anyway.

In the end it will come down to the actual school options you have.

Also, I'm not sure "masking" is a useful term with kids that young. it's more like he can act appropriately in a structured class setting where expectations are very clear, and he won't necessarily understand how to behave in a situation when there is more flexibility or ambiguity. That's to be expected and a reason to look for a school that is quite explicit in its expectations.

Thank you for that perspective. I think he will get in to at least one NT and ND school. He’s unbelievably smart, performs well on assessments, and can follow a classroom routine. I’m worried about what happens after acceptance. If he goes to an ND school for 2E students, he’ll thrive academically with other students like him and potentially be spared from bullying. On the other hand, he won’t have any NT peers and will he be able to grow in his social skills, handling ambiguous situations, etc. if he’s too comfortable?

I understand where you’re coming from and I felt much the same when my son was young. My experience is that kids with ASD have a hard time absorbing social skills from others. If they could just naturally understand how to handle situations or where to stand next to someone else or have insight into others’ motivations (the way many NT kids do) they wouldn’t have ASD. Even very smart kids with ASD need more explicit teaching about behavior and social interactions.

My son attended a mostly NT private and even though they did a lot of social emotional learning, it was geared to NT kids and it wasn’t really explicit enough for him. The autistic brain is just wired to need certain things explained.

I will say that our experience at the NT private was not easy and I felt many times over the years that he would be asked to leave. He was not, but don’t discount the stress of that. If there had been a good school for 2E kids in our area that might have been better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kindergarten is the easiest time in elementary for a child who is ND to be in a NT school, and it will get harder every year at least until the very end of elementary. So if you have doubts now that it will work, save yourself some grief and go look at ND schools, because you may end up switching there anyway.

In the end it will come down to the actual school options you have.

Also, I'm not sure "masking" is a useful term with kids that young. it's more like he can act appropriately in a structured class setting where expectations are very clear, and he won't necessarily understand how to behave in a situation when there is more flexibility or ambiguity. That's to be expected and a reason to look for a school that is quite explicit in its expectations.

This is spot on

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks for all the thoughtful responses. I’m not sure if masking is the correct term, but he does a great job of regulating at school but the moment he’s picked up it’s like he flips a switch. He’s so irritable after school so we keep a low-demand environment. I’m nervous as the school day lengthens and the expectations increase, that the irritability and meltdowns will spill over at school. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting, but if this were to happen at an NT school I don’t think they would be keen to work with us. Or if we started medications I’m not sure we could speak openly with them to find the best fit for symptom control throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

There's been some very good advice already. I would only add a few things having gone through this recently with a kindergartner who's now happily in a NT private school and had a similar profile in preschool. One is that the dysregulation at home for us was essentially an early warning system that even though things seemed okay at school, our kid was probaby hanging on by a thread and just couldn't keep it together anymore by the time they got home; hence the dysregulation. So they actually needed more support in school than they were getting. The second is that when you're looking at NT private schools, be sure to find out about whether the administrators are open to working with OTs and speech therapists. It's such a common need now among all kinds of kids (especially little ones) that it's arguably a best practice and what you'd want for any child, ND or not. We hired an educational consultant to identify schools that have that reputation since it's not everyone unfortunately. You may be able to manage just doing your own tours and asking. But better to be ready in a school that you know gets it, if and when you need their support. This way no one is walking on eggsheels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's been some very good advice already. I would only add a few things having gone through this recently with a kindergartner who's now happily in a NT private school and had a similar profile in preschool. One is that the dysregulation at home for us was essentially an early warning system that even though things seemed okay at school, our kid was probaby hanging on by a thread and just couldn't keep it together anymore by the time they got home; hence the dysregulation. So they actually needed more support in school than they were getting. The second is that when you're looking at NT private schools, be sure to find out about whether the administrators are open to working with OTs and speech therapists. It's such a common need now among all kinds of kids (especially little ones) that it's arguably a best practice and what you'd want for any child, ND or not. We hired an educational consultant to identify schools that have that reputation since it's not everyone unfortunately. You may be able to manage just doing your own tours and asking. But better to be ready in a school that you know gets it, if and when you need their support. This way no one is walking on eggsheels.

Did you share your child’s DX. We did with a very similar profile and most would either waitlisted our child or said no simply out of precaution because they don’t want to counsel us out later on…curious if your NT private is in the DC area. We also hired an education advocate- fairly well known one too but that didn’t do much as far as admission.

[Anonymous]

How does he end up hurt or nearly hurt if you don’t intervene? Do you mean that other kids are hurting him because he is bothering them as he isnt reading social cues?

[Anonymous]

Did you share your child’s DX. We did with a very similar profile and most would either waitlisted our child or said no simply out of precaution because they don’t want to counsel us out later on…curious if your NT private is in the DC area. We also hired an education advocate- fairly well known one too but that didn’t do much as far as admission.

We did share. And yes, in the DC area. I will say that we did not have issues with putting hands on other kids so that probably (fairly or unfairly) made it easier during admissions.