How to minimize the effects of divorce on a child ?

[Anonymous]

Op here current arrangement is one parent has him 4 days one week the other 3 days the following week it is reversed . It seems to work good for now that way we can both see him every week .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here current arrangement is one parent has him 4 days one week the other 3 days the following week it is reversed . It seems to work good for now that way we can both see him every week .

Working good for who? The adults? It’s seems like your kid is a mess.

The behavior changes and bed wetting is very concerning—at best this kid is under extreme stress….at worst these could be red flags for being molested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think joint custody is good for little kids except for rare circumstances where the parents are genuinely amicable and live very close to each other.

Luckily a minority view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The two of you need to come to an agreement that neither of you will disparage the other when the child is in the car or house. It's not normal for the 5 yr old to be keeping secrets of this kind and not normal for him to start wetting the bed after being fully trained.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bit late now, but you should have kept child in one home and the two of you take turns in apartment and home. No new relationships introduced or around kid until after college. The problem now is the interfering new partner.

OP can only control herself, not ex or people in his life.

OP, don’t be surprised if they seek more custodial time and cs from YOU. Bad people always think it’s cheaper to “have” kid.

This is likely being driven by his stepmother. Expect her to have a kid and for things to get worse.

[Anonymous]

OP you can do exchanges in a way that minimizes contact but that will not change agenda of new spouse. Kid is a pawn in her agenda and his dad is not shutting it down. Consider play therapy for him so he has an outlet, although that can be weaponized by people with agenda too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a bit late now, but you should have kept child in one home and the two of you take turns in apartment and home. No new relationships introduced or around kid until after college. The problem now is the interfering new partner.

Lol nesting does NOT work

[Anonymous]

Keep a good attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here current arrangement is one parent has him 4 days one week the other 3 days the following week it is reversed . It seems to work good for now that way we can both see him every week .

Devastating for your little boy.

Imagine having two self absorbed parents who care only about their own convenience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here current arrangement is one parent has him 4 days one week the other 3 days the following week it is reversed . It seems to work good for now that way we can both see him every week .

Working good for who? The adults? It’s seems like your kid is a mess.

The behavior changes and bed wetting is very concerning—at best this kid is under extreme stress….at worst these could be red flags for being molested.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Op here I just want what's best for him we talked about birdnesting when he was younger ex did not want no part of it . I know ds under stress from ex they call him every night when I have him and quiz him about how his day was . I personally don't call him very often when he's with his dad cause I want him to have fun and have as much routine as possible . Like I said I never discuss his dad or I problems in front of ds .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yeah..I’m not really connecting the dots here. And when say “We’ve been fighting more lately,” what does that mean? Are you screaming at each other in the driveway at drop off/pick up? Or is this limited to phone/text/email fighting that your son doesn’t witness or hear?

How do you know he is saying bad things about your to your son or trying to make him dislike you?

op here I try to never say anything bad about his dad ever in front of our son. His dad has been trying to get more control over his preschool and has been trying to make medical decisions without telling me . I try to keep contact to a minimum and only communicate through text .


The preschool/medical stuff doesn’t seem like disparaging you to kid or trying to make him not like you. The calls during your time could be a way to connect - it’s hard to tell if there is actually a problem here or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex husband and I have a 5 year old son together . We split when our son was 2 months old . Was a pretty smooth split for the most part lately Ex and new spouse have been trying to turn ds against me . Ex fights me on everything which think comes with the territory . Unfortunately it's starting to affect ds he's starting to keep secrets which maybe that's normal for his age only kid I have . We've been fighting some lately try to never say anything bad about my ex in front of him . He was pottytrained day and night by 2 years of age thought we had it made unfortunately the last couple of months he's started to wet the bed .I'm assuming cause of the split anybody got any ideas how to minimize the effects of divorce?

Look, ex is prepping for full custody. You better get a lawyer to prepare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ex husband and I have a 5 year old son together . We split when our son was 2 months old . Was a pretty smooth split for the most part lately Ex and new spouse have been trying to turn ds against me . Ex fights me on everything which think comes with the territory . Unfortunately it's starting to affect ds he's starting to keep secrets which maybe that's normal for his age only kid I have . We've been fighting some lately try to never say anything bad about my ex in front of him . He was pottytrained day and night by 2 years of age thought we had it made unfortunately the last couple of months he's started to wet the bed .I'm assuming cause of the split anybody got any ideas how to minimize the effects of divorce?

Look, ex is prepping for full custody. You better get a lawyer to prepare.

unfortunately I kinda wonder I really don't want to try and take more custody cause he does need both his mom and dad . I have consulted with a lawyer who reviewed everything he basically said it would be hard for either party to get more custody but I do know they would love to have child support. If the bedwetting is gona continue does everyone think it would be OK to go back to pull-ups at night to save on the laundry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here I just want what's best for him we talked about birdnesting when he was younger ex did not want no part of it . I know ds under stress from ex they call him every night when I have him and quiz him about how his day was . I personally don't call him very often when he's with his dad cause I want him to have fun and have as much routine as possible . Like I said I never discuss his dad or I problems in front of ds .

I’m the pp whose kid was 50 50 and kid is well adjusted.

Most other divorced families has parents constantly fighting and badmouthing one another. One parent often seems to get most of the custody. It is just a mess and not good for kids at all.

I know adults who came from these broken families and they either go out of their way to have a perfect family life they didn’t have or are a mess with deep rooted issues. One woman I’m thinking of not only had to go back and forth between parents, they had to mix in step siblings and eventually half siblings. She ended up feeling like she had no home.