Hostess Etiquette - how do you both serve and sit with guests?

[Anonymous]

I have appetizers in the same general area as buffet table so I can chat as I am setting up and guests eat, but that is my house set up. The way my mom does it in different configuration is she has most things ready, then my dad/my brother/ I help bring whatever plates to guests as she doesn’t do buffet. That way she is always sitting at some point and guests don’t feel rude.

[Anonymous]

It helps to have a wingman or woman. They can handle the chit chat while you do your thing. When we were kids our mother used to send us in to chat with guests while she took care of things.

[Anonymous]

buffet or lazy susan

[Anonymous]

It’s about sequencing and flow of people. You have to plan backwards. Seasoned hosts/hostesses wouldn’t have had this problem. Hard to give specific advice without knowing details but basically—be thoughtful and organized about which dishes need what kind of prep. Be smart about appliance usage (oven/microwave/stovetop/air fryer/etc.). For example, a big cut of meat will need 20 mins to rest, so use that 20 mins wisely. Cold and room temp dishes can sit on the table. Rolls take a couple of mins in the oven. Etc etc etc

But it takes a few mins of sequencing and planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s about sequencing and flow of people. You have to plan backwards. Seasoned hosts/hostesses wouldn’t have had this problem. Hard to give specific advice without knowing details but basically—be thoughtful and organized about which dishes need what kind of prep. Be smart about appliance usage (oven/microwave/stovetop/air fryer/etc.). For example, a big cut of meat will need 20 mins to rest, so use that 20 mins wisely. Cold and room temp dishes can sit on the table. Rolls take a couple of mins in the oven. Etc etc etc

But it takes a few mins of sequencing and planning.

Newsflash: Seasoned hosts/hostesses wouldn't have this problem that OP had and posted here about because she didn't know what went wrong but it wouldn't go wrong if she were seasoned.
So. helpful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The appetizers needed to be NOT on the main dining table.

Yes, from the responses I'm gathering this was the main issue. I needed better space planning. It didn't occur to me that where I put things would have that effect. Guess now I know.

Where does your MIL serve apps? I also find soup odd for a meal like this. Does your MIL serve it?

[Anonymous]

I think the apps should have been in the living room as well, but I also think it was rude of your guests not to eat when you asked them too. Especially the apps! What was DH doing?

Out of curiosity, does MIL put the soup and salad out with her apps? Do people eat soup in her living room? That is the part I am most confused about.

[Anonymous]

I view soup and salad as part of a meal.

So I’d have started by putting out apps in the family room and had my husband greet people as they arrive and escort them into the family room and offer to get them a drink (if I could set up drinks in the family room I’d do that, too, but my family room doesn’t have a good spot for drinks).

I’d be in the kitchen finishing food prep, and popping in and out of the family room to greet people and grab a snack myself. Usually some people come in the kitchen me and offer to help, which I tend to decline bc I’ve got my prep routine but they’ll stay and chat and wander in and out.

If I planned to serve dinner buffet style, I’d have put the salad on the buffet line. I wouldn’t serve soup in a buffet style meal.

Hth!

[Anonymous]

I want to second basically everything in this thread. You shouldn’t have served soup in a meal styled this way. Your guests were rude, and should eat when you tell them to. You should also TELL people where to go and what to do when you they arrive — “Hello I’m so happy you could make it — take a seat on the couch in the den and help yourself to the charcuterie plate on the coffee table there. DH will take care of your drinks” — this very clearly communicates that you are in charge of where they should go and what they should do. The rest of the meal will follow suit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would never put appetizers on the table. Put them in the living room where people are hanging out. Have spouse take care of drinks.

Set buffet with salad & main dishes. No soup. Invite everyone to help themselves from buffet.

This is what we do as well. Depending on who is cooking the main dish, either my husband or I will sit with the guests in the living room while the other one finishes cooking. I have drinks and appetizers in the living room and then when everything is ready, we move to the dining room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s about sequencing and flow of people. You have to plan backwards. Seasoned hosts/hostesses wouldn’t have had this problem. Hard to give specific advice without knowing details but basically—be thoughtful and organized about which dishes need what kind of prep. Be smart about appliance usage (oven/microwave/stovetop/air fryer/etc.). For example, a big cut of meat will need 20 mins to rest, so use that 20 mins wisely. Cold and room temp dishes can sit on the table. Rolls take a couple of mins in the oven. Etc etc etc

But it takes a few mins of sequencing and planning.

Newsflash: Seasoned hosts/hostesses wouldn't have this problem that OP had and posted here about because she didn't know what went wrong but it wouldn't go wrong if she were seasoned.
So. helpful.

Plenty of advice was given in the previous post. Sorry/not sorry you’re so triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:buffet or lazy susan

A lazy Susan? For a party? Is this 1978 and are we in rural PA?

[Anonymous]

People are far less formal today than in the past and trying to recreate an old fashioned dinner party is difficult, not just for the hosts but also for the guests.

Appetizers: do finger foods/nuts/olives in the living room beforehand.

Soups: first course at the table. Have a big tureen. Serve from it, one bowl at a time. People pass it around. It's quick and doesn't take long.

Mains: do a big dish like a lasagna or pot pie, serve as you did the soup. Or dash into the kitchen and get out the roast/trimmings, put on a large platter and serve from the table. Alternatively: set up the mains on a sideboard/kitchen and have everyone fix their plate. I've discovered the latter is often more time consuming than serving from the table, FYI.

Salad: pass around the salad bowl after people have finished their mains.

Don't have too many people. Eight total is the max I'd do unless it's a big holiday meal, and then the buffet style is the approach we take. I also rarely do soups to keep things simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are far less formal today than in the past and trying to recreate an old fashioned dinner party is difficult, not just for the hosts but also for the guests.

Appetizers: do finger foods/nuts/olives in the living room beforehand.

Soups: first course at the table. Have a big tureen. Serve from it, one bowl at a time. People pass it around. It's quick and doesn't take long.

Mains: do a big dish like a lasagna or pot pie, serve as you did the soup. Or dash into the kitchen and get out the roast/trimmings, put on a large platter and serve from the table. Alternatively: set up the mains on a sideboard/kitchen and have everyone fix their plate. I've discovered the latter is often more time consuming than serving from the table, FYI.

Salad: pass around the salad bowl after people have finished their mains.

Don't have too many people. Eight total is the max I'd do unless it's a big holiday meal, and then the buffet style is the approach we take. I also rarely do soups to keep things simple.

For 8 guests a buffet is easier. And in the US it would be very odd to serve salad after people have eaten their main course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are far less formal today than in the past and trying to recreate an old fashioned dinner party is difficult, not just for the hosts but also for the guests.

Appetizers: do finger foods/nuts/olives in the living room beforehand.

Soups: first course at the table. Have a big tureen. Serve from it, one bowl at a time. People pass it around. It's quick and doesn't take long.

Mains: do a big dish like a lasagna or pot pie, serve as you did the soup. Or dash into the kitchen and get out the roast/trimmings, put on a large platter and serve from the table. Alternatively: set up the mains on a sideboard/kitchen and have everyone fix their plate. I've discovered the latter is often more time consuming than serving from the table, FYI.

Salad: pass around the salad bowl after people have finished their mains.

Don't have too many people. Eight total is the max I'd do unless it's a big holiday meal, and then the buffet style is the approach we take. I also rarely do soups to keep things simple.

For 8 guests a buffet is easier. And in the US it would be very odd to serve salad after people have eaten their main course.

I always serve salad after the main course and no one has ever complained. I'm famous for my salads, which are mainly of the spinach and other greens tossed in a light vinaigrette variety. It makes a nice break between the main and the dessert. Salad after mains is pretty common where I live.

Buffet can work if people are orderly. But people often don't know how to queue for the buffet, some take a long time, people talk and interrupt the flow. Then you have people waiting at the table for everyone else. With eight people total I can easily serve at the table if I pick the right menu and it's quick.