Dropping the rope with MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard to hear, but the family chat doesn't need daily photos anyway. You said you feel bad they don't get to spend more time with DD ... people aren't invested the way you are. Leave family chat and raise your baby.

Totally agree and have and will step back. The chat is filled with photos and videos from SIL of my nephew and MIL and FIL send old photos/videos of nephew too. They used to ask but I just I'm the habit of sending so they don't need to ask anymore. We don't have socials and we wouldn't post her if we did so they wouldn't see her any other way. But agree checking out of that chat has been great. I adore my SIL and wie just have a sep chat for us

[Anonymous]

I hope her father realizes how controlling you are and leaves before you ruin his relationship with his child too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope her father realizes how controlling you are and leaves before you ruin his relationship with his child too.

These threads are so full of trolls today….tone is the same for most. Probably just one weird unhappy person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope her father realizes how controlling you are and leaves before you ruin his relationship with his child too.

These threads are so full of trolls today….tone is the same for most. Probably just one weird unhappy person.

Some disgruntled in law or enmeshed codependent #boymom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

Now while I agree with you about the advice MIL gives the things she’s saying to the baby are normal and shouldn’t bother you. You’re probably heightened because of everything else going on. Been there, done that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's time to become "too busy" for the family chat. Dropping the rope seems like a good idea. If they are going to be negative in response to you sending photos, their son can be the one to send them -- or not.

My MIL attacks me routinely yet claims she loves me and has me in her will. In person, I ignore it. It's not hard since she doesn't stop talking and none of us is sure she cares if people are listening. She's been driving everyone crazy for years (not just me) but she attacks me the most.

Congrats on your baby! Take good care of yourself, and ignore the blathering grandparents. My guess is you have a passive FIL with a self-centered, always talking, always-has-an-opinion MIL.

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

This is normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's time to become "too busy" for the family chat. Dropping the rope seems like a good idea. If they are going to be negative in response to you sending photos, their son can be the one to send them -- or not.

My MIL attacks me routinely yet claims she loves me and has me in her will. In person, I ignore it. It's not hard since she doesn't stop talking and none of us is sure she cares if people are listening. She's been driving everyone crazy for years (not just me) but she attacks me the most.

Congrats on your baby! Take good care of yourself, and ignore the blathering grandparents. My guess is you have a passive FIL with a self-centered, always talking, always-has-an-opinion MIL.

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

This is normal

No, it’s not. The grandmother is trying to displace the mother. Why else would the grandmother say she loves the baby more than the woman who carried her and birthed her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

Now while I agree with you about the advice MIL gives the things she’s saying to the baby are normal and shouldn’t bother you. You’re probably heightened because of everything else going on. Been there, done that.

Thank you for saying that. TO be fair I didn't grow up with grandparents. So this is foreign to me. Grandpa says things like your gramps boy to my nephew and it doesn't feel the same. I think it's the intention behind MIL words. It also kind of feels like love bombing. She doesn't want anything to do with baby unless it's in her terms and she can be saying that stuff and DD looking at her but DD is a busy body now and wants to get on with playing..it's also all day not a one off comment. It started rubbing me the wrong way when each time I let her hold DD she would immediately start with grandma loves you the most, you're grandma's girl. You're my little baby. It's the you're mine that sends me seeing red.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's time to become "too busy" for the family chat. Dropping the rope seems like a good idea. If they are going to be negative in response to you sending photos, their son can be the one to send them -- or not.

My MIL attacks me routinely yet claims she loves me and has me in her will. In person, I ignore it. It's not hard since she doesn't stop talking and none of us is sure she cares if people are listening. She's been driving everyone crazy for years (not just me) but she attacks me the most.

Congrats on your baby! Take good care of yourself, and ignore the blathering grandparents. My guess is you have a passive FIL with a self-centered, always talking, always-has-an-opinion MIL.

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

This is normal

No, it’s not. The grandmother is trying to displace the mother. Why else would the grandmother say she loves the baby more than the woman who carried her and birthed her?

She didn’t say any of that though this crazy mom might interpret it that way though.

[Anonymous]

OP, empty nester, mom of 3DC, DW24 years here WITH a similar MIL but she lives just a few miles away. I feel for you - I really do!

This is advice to my younger self and what I’d tell you if I were your big sister!

As others have said, put up boundaries NOW - if nothing else but to protect this precious and fleeting time with your baby and to prioritize yourself! There’s simply no time to add photos or be involved in the toxic family chat. Make DH be in charge of this … and any posting irregularities and/or complaints can be directed to him!

Go gray rock! It’s a thing! You disengage and disentangle yourself from MIL.
You control all access to information about YOU and this is key-you cease telling her one scrap of information about your thoughts, feelings, plans, health, career, extended family, daily activities. No idle chitchat. Anything you say can and will be used against you (fodder for gossip, examples will be cited, arguments will be made) and your own words will be weaponized!

No breezy phone calls just to chat. No texts just to say hi. No visits or trips or vacations with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's time to become "too busy" for the family chat. Dropping the rope seems like a good idea. If they are going to be negative in response to you sending photos, their son can be the one to send them -- or not.

My MIL attacks me routinely yet claims she loves me and has me in her will. In person, I ignore it. It's not hard since she doesn't stop talking and none of us is sure she cares if people are listening. She's been driving everyone crazy for years (not just me) but she attacks me the most.

Congrats on your baby! Take good care of yourself, and ignore the blathering grandparents. My guess is you have a passive FIL with a self-centered, always talking, always-has-an-opinion MIL.

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

This is normal

No, it’s not. The grandmother is trying to displace the mother. Why else would the grandmother say she loves the baby more than the woman who carried her and birthed her?

She didn’t say any of that though this crazy mom might interpret it that way though.

How else do you interpret “grandma loves you the most”?

[Anonymous]

PP 20:05.
Here’s some light reading for you on grey rocking!

To “grey rock” a person involves making all interactions with them as uninteresting and unrewarding as possible. In general, this means giving short, straightforward answers to questions and hiding emotional reactions to the things a person says or does.


The idea behind grey rocking is that it will, in theory, cut off a person’s “narcissistic supply” and cause them to lose interest in their target.

And

The slightest form of disagreement or even stating an opinion on your part can set your parent off. It may even lead to an outburst.

So try your best not to outwardly disagree with anything they say. Go along with what they say or simply nod.

Remind yourself that they thrive off of drama. So every point you attempt to make to them that counters their beliefs is giving them ammo.

You may be tempted to defend yourself or argue with whatever ridiculous or abusive statement they’re making, but don’t give in. Remind yourself that they want you to cave. Don’t give them the satisfaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's time to become "too busy" for the family chat. Dropping the rope seems like a good idea. If they are going to be negative in response to you sending photos, their son can be the one to send them -- or not.

My MIL attacks me routinely yet claims she loves me and has me in her will. In person, I ignore it. It's not hard since she doesn't stop talking and none of us is sure she cares if people are listening. She's been driving everyone crazy for years (not just me) but she attacks me the most.

Congrats on your baby! Take good care of yourself, and ignore the blathering grandparents. My guess is you have a passive FIL with a self-centered, always talking, always-has-an-opinion MIL.

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

This is normal

No, it’s not. The grandmother is trying to displace the mother. Why else would the grandmother say she loves the baby more than the woman who carried her and birthed her?

She didn’t say any of that though this crazy mom might interpret it that way though.

How else do you interpret “grandma loves you the most”?

Grandma loves you more than she loves anyone else. You’re grandma’s favorite person.

[Anonymous]

No photos, calls, texts, posts or messages from you to her. Any and all contact goes through DH.

Oh what’s that? He may remember to send a picture once a month? Oh well, MIL. You made your bed…

[Anonymous]

None of this is worth getting upset over. You’re really going to ruin the relationship between grandmother and granddaughter AND the relationship with your husband if you keep this nonsense going.