Dropping the rope with MIL

[Anonymous]

MIL has met DD once for a 3 day visit yet thinks she is an authority on my baby.

She goes out of her way to say crap that is laced with judgement and just rude. I felt bad they haven't been able to spend more time with DD so I send photos all of time to the family chat. They have said they appreciate it and it helps them feel involved but now they just nitpick every damn thing. I have stopped sending photos and told DH he can send his parents photos from now on. Knowing well he just won't unless asked.

Sent a photo of baby contact napping and MIL response was oh finally she gets some freedom. She has made it clear she thinks swaddling is evil and inhumane.

DH mentioned once he plays metal music and it calms dd instantly. Now anytime she calls she says crap like I know you only play that awful music but you really should be singing to her and playing classical music.

She's obsessed with this dumb phonics song and is convinced we don't read to DD and keeps saying things like well the least you could do is sing this song. How else will she learn to read. The newborn. Nevermind our home is filled with books ours and hers and we read to her multiple times a day. Meanwhile you can't find a book at mil's home..

It's constant well I think she would like this or you should do this instead and I'm just over it. You've met my kid once. You aren't involved in our lives and you don't know my baby. Give it a rest.

I know it's petty to not engage in the family chat anymore. But I just can't stand it and they just don't listen. Ex above about the swaddle. I responded with she gets plenty of freedom. Didn't feel the need to explain she's only swaddled at night. But then they just dig in. With well I never did all that. So I'm out. No more photos or updates just so it can be used against me later.

[Anonymous]

I would send photos and updates to everyone except her and refuse to engage at all.

[Anonymous]

It's time to become "too busy" for the family chat. Dropping the rope seems like a good idea. If they are going to be negative in response to you sending photos, their son can be the one to send them -- or not.

My MIL attacks me routinely yet claims she loves me and has me in her will. In person, I ignore it. It's not hard since she doesn't stop talking and none of us is sure she cares if people are listening. She's been driving everyone crazy for years (not just me) but she attacks me the most.

Congrats on your baby! Take good care of yourself, and ignore the blathering grandparents. My guess is you have a passive FIL with a self-centered, always talking, always-has-an-opinion MIL.

[Anonymous]

My MIL made me insane when my DD was a newborn. It made no sense to me, as the relationship with the grandchild goes through the mother (at least until the grandchild is old enough to maintain a relationship without the parents’ assistance). Ten years and three kids in, all I can say is she is afraid of not knowing her grandchild and misses being the mother/the authority/the director of operations of household affairs. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Have you seen a doctor about your out of control emotions?

[Anonymous]

Learn to not talk to them as much, about anything. They do not need to know what music you like, where baby is napping etc. just stop.
And enjoy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Learn to not talk to them as much, about anything. They do not need to know what music you like, where baby is napping etc. just stop.
And enjoy!

It comes through DH. MIL has a way of badgering info out of you. She was obsessed with how nursing was going now she's moved on to sleep and if DD is a "good" baby. It's gross

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen a doctor about your out of control emotions?

The irrational one is you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you seen a doctor about your out of control emotions?

What a nice comment you’ve made to someone clearly in the PP period and struggling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL made me insane when my DD was a newborn. It made no sense to me, as the relationship with the grandchild goes through the mother (at least until the grandchild is old enough to maintain a relationship without the parents’ assistance). Ten years and three kids in, all I can say is she is afraid of not knowing her grandchild and misses being the mother/the authority/the director of operations of household affairs. Good luck.

Oof. Thank you! Yes that is so confusing. She keeps asking DH if I'll bring the baby down and stay with them for an extended amount of time while I'm on leave and I'm like absolutely not.. maybe I'd have entertained a weekend or something before this behavior but no way now..

[Anonymous]

She commented on your loud music- true. She commented on your swaddling- true. She commented on how you should sing nursery rhymes- true. She commented on reading- true.

Be thankful someone in the family knows what that baby needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She commented on your loud music- true. She commented on your swaddling- true. She commented on how you should sing nursery rhymes- true. She commented on reading- true.

Be thankful someone in the family knows what that baby needs.

Go away, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's time to become "too busy" for the family chat. Dropping the rope seems like a good idea. If they are going to be negative in response to you sending photos, their son can be the one to send them -- or not.

My MIL attacks me routinely yet claims she loves me and has me in her will. In person, I ignore it. It's not hard since she doesn't stop talking and none of us is sure she cares if people are listening. She's been driving everyone crazy for years (not just me) but she attacks me the most.

Congrats on your baby! Take good care of yourself, and ignore the blathering grandparents. My guess is you have a passive FIL with a self-centered, always talking, always-has-an-opinion MIL.

Yes! FIL is passive and kind of goofy just wants to spend time with the kids. He was actually so nice during the visit. Always asked if he could hold DD and wasn't pushy and would just be silly trying to get her to smile. MIL tried once to remove her from my arms without asking or warning and I had to say please stop. And whenever she was holding DD she would say weird crap like you're my baby girl, grandma loves you the most, you're my special girl..it made me so uncomfortable..

Ugh same MIL says family is everything but I know she hates me .not one single photo of me in their home. Married for 10 years together for 13.

[Anonymous]

Hard to hear, but the family chat doesn't need daily photos anyway. You said you feel bad they don't get to spend more time with DD ... people aren't invested the way you are. Leave family chat and raise your baby.

[Anonymous]

Put her on an information diet for sure. No need for her to know all these details. If DH chooses to share those types of things, that is on him. He will probably learn eventually. Some people just can’t resist putting their two cents in.

That said, when you do hear it, let this stuff go in one ear and out the other. Be confident. What MIL says really does not matter and new grandmothers love to chatter on and give advice IME- it isn’t always personal (and does not mean that she dislikes you or thinks you are doing a poor job or anything). Usually they settle down as baby gets a bit older. For some reason the “unhelpful advice” is most abundant at the baby stage. I wouldn’t make it an issue (beyond the info diet) as that will just be stress for you to deal with- more stress than ignoring her misguided comments is.