How to support friend who found out her partner is cheating?

[Anonymous]

Thanks all! They are not married but do have children.

For the love of God why do women do this. Men are just not reliable enough to share these huge life chapters with you without guardrails.

OP so sorry to hear. Agree, support, don’t judge. Just being a good friend is plenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Thanks all! They are not married but do have children.

For the love of God why do women do this. Men are just not reliable enough to share these huge life chapters with you without guardrails.

OP so sorry to hear. Agree, support, don’t judge. Just being a good friend is plenty.

Well sometimes it’s to the woman’s advantage not to be married. It just depends on the individual situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all! They are not married but do have children. I’ll be sure not to offer advice and just be a good listener. I certainly would never badmouth her partner, but I do tend to share my opinion on things so I will be extra mindful of that. Love the idea of providing distractions for her as appropriate.

To the PP who said she may distance herself from me if she decides to stay, I will keep that in mind. I hope she knows that I would never judge her for staying or leaving, but it is good to be aware of any possible outcome. I just want to support her as best as I can in this season!

One of the kindest things a good friend said to me was “If you ever decide it’s in your best interest to forgive him, I will never judge you for it.” It’s worth saying some version of that out loud for her to hear.

You’re a good friend. She’s lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

Gross. Not married but have children? What did she expect. No reason he cant date if not married. This is on you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all! They are not married but do have children. I’ll be sure not to offer advice and just be a good listener. I certainly would never badmouth her partner, but I do tend to share my opinion on things so I will be extra mindful of that. Love the idea of providing distractions for her as appropriate.

To the PP who said she may distance herself from me if she decides to stay, I will keep that in mind. I hope she knows that I would never judge her for staying or leaving, but it is good to be aware of any possible outcome. I just want to support her as best as I can in this season!

One of the kindest things a good friend said to me was “If you ever decide it’s in your best interest to forgive him, I will never judge you for it.” It’s worth saying some version of that out loud for her to hear.

You’re a good friend. She’s lucky to have you.

OP here. This is fantastic advice. Thank you. I will absolutely say this out loud to her when it’s the right time. Thank you, thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she married? If not, this is much easier to deal with. Just end it.

It’s not if your lives are entangled because you’ve been together for years or decades. There’s less protection than there is in marriage, which can make
It much harder to deal
With.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My close friend just learned that her partner is cheating on her. She is very sad, not wanting to get out of bed, etc. How do I support her without overstepping and being in the way? I am the only person she has told about it. She hasn’t made any decisions yet on next steps.

Tell her to go out and get some random D.

[Anonymous]

Touch her on the leg, tell you you’ll be there for her, lick her ear and see where it goes.

[Anonymous]

Be willing to listen to her anytime she needs to talk it out. It may feel like she’s on repeat for awhile. Just having someone there will help so much.

[Anonymous]

As someone who was cheated on, my advice is simply to listen, listen, listen. Encourage her to call or text anytime. Even if you grow tired of hearing the same story, the same concerns, I cannot tell you how important it is for her to have a good friend who is listening. And check in. Just a text message every couple of days can really help. No pressure for her to reply, but just knowing somebody is thinking of her. Like me, she may be so incredibly hurt and also embarrassed that she does not want to tell more than one or a few people. You may be the life ring she needs right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross. Not married but have children? What did she expect. No reason he cant date if not married. This is on you OP.

On op? Did you read the thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all! They are not married but do have children. I’ll be sure not to offer advice and just be a good listener. I certainly would never badmouth her partner, but I do tend to share my opinion on things so I will be extra mindful of that. Love the idea of providing distractions for her as appropriate.

To the PP who said she may distance herself from me if she decides to stay, I will keep that in mind. I hope she knows that I would never judge her for staying or leaving, but it is good to be aware of any possible outcome. I just want to support her as best as I can in this season!

One of the kindest things a good friend said to me was “If you ever decide it’s in your best interest to forgive him, I will never judge you for it.” It’s worth saying some version of that out loud for her to hear.

You’re a good friend. She’s lucky to have you.

OP here. This is fantastic advice. Thank you. I will absolutely say this out loud to her when it’s the right time. Thank you, thank you!

Ick. I would not have wanted a friend to say that to me - it's low key sending the message that staying and forgiving is the right thing to do. My ex's cheating was bananas - so bananas that I couldn't even tell my friends all of it. If she'd said this to me, I would have felt gross - pushed into staying with someone who was slimy. Ick. Ick. Ick. I'm so grateful that my friends and family supported my ending the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do NOT talk about it to anyone else, not even under the guise of needing support for how to help her. No one.

Thank you. I certainly won’t share with anyone as my friend isn’t a huge sharer anyway so I know how important it is to keep this to myself.

She tends to withdraw and deal with things alone, so I am hesitant on what to do and when. This thread has been helpful!

NP. As someone who also withdraws when grieving and yet still doesn't want to feel alone, DO check in with her regularly, but DON'T ask "how are you?" I hated being asked that every day, because the answer was always "awful" but I didn't feel like I was allowed to say that day after day. The pressure to be positive or not burden others is so engrained! Just say "I'm thinking about you" or "I'm here if you want to talk" and then give her grace if she doesn't always respond. ( You sound like a good friend. <3 )

[Anonymous]

This is a very difficult time for your friend as you very well can tell.

If she cannot get out of bed in the morning then her depression over the situation is very strong.

If she is up to it - perhaps you can visit her a few times a week for a good chat.
While she may not feel up to going out > you can prepare her some meals to make sure she is taking care of herself.

Encourage her to shower daily, perhaps bring over some bubble bath + a candle 🕯️ in her favorite scent.

Also volunteer to help her w/any household tasks that may seem monumental to her during this hard time.
Help her load/unload the dishwasher, fold cleaned laundry or bring her some groceries from the store.

[Anonymous]

You've gotten a lot of good advice on here, OP. And you sound like a great friend.

I'll echo the part about remaining judgment free. I have a friend who left her husband (who I don't like) and then went back to him. I never offered my opinion on her leaving him (i.e. I never said I was so glad, he's a loser, etc.) and I'm glad I didn't since they're back together now. I just said I'm here for you and I support you in whatever you need and I won't judge whatever decisions you make because you never know what you'd do until you're in a situation so I don't get an opinion on this. When they got back together, I was one of the few friends she turned to because I hadn't bad-mouthed him when she left.