Sadness When They Move Out

[Anonymous]

A wedding!! That’s exciting! And only an hour away. I bet it’s hard though. My youngest is home for winterbreak and my 23 yr old comes home at Christmas. I’m overjoyed when they are both under my roof. So hugs! Wishing you a smashing mother of the groom dress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you cry in private. I have an emotionally unregulated mother and it's always been awkward and cringey. This has pushed me away. It's fine to be sad though, we all are at important junctures in life. Just be happy and cheerful in front of him.

You push away your mother who is sad you left home? Really? I swear I do t understand how some of you have any family left.

There's sad and there's overly dramatically life-changing bad sad. Some people have a hard time with kids growing up due to their own issues, and change in general. No, it's not kids' job to regulate their parents' emotions. Growing up is normal, some sadness is also normal, crying about it... as I say, if you must, do it in private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you cry in private. I have an emotionally unregulated mother and it's always been awkward and cringey. This has pushed me away. It's fine to be sad though, we all are at important junctures in life. Just be happy and cheerful in front of him.

This is ridiculous. It is fine for a parent to cry a little and for an AC to know that their parent is both happy and sad. As long as you’re not hysterical or putting a guilt trip on them it’s fine. He’s a 24 year old young man who should be capable of understanding that transitions can have some pain. Mom and Dad have had him at home which has allowed him to save money instead of renting. This sounds like a nice, normal family with healthy relationships. Stop trying to make mothers be Doris Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 24 year-old son will slowly be moving out over the next few months. I'm so proud of him; he's got a fantastic job, a wonderful fiancee, and just bought a house an hour away. I'm just so sad because I will miss him terribly. I'm happy I was able to spend so much time with him and that he's doing so well, but my heart's broken and I just want to cry.

Anyway, I felt the same way when my oldest left and eventually got over it, so I'm sure I will this time, too. Until then, I'm just going to be really sad.

Thanks for listening. If anyone has any helpful strategies aside from staying busy, which I plan to do, I'm open to suggestions. Please be kind.

Thanks!

I can so relate. My 23 year old just bought a house and is remodeling and slowly moving out. I am also so sad. Luckily, he is only 15 minutes away but I will miss him like crazy.

[Anonymous]

Much worse when they are useless and won’t move out! Cheers!

[Anonymous]

I was certainly sad when our three moved out but I took great joy in seeing them thrive and succeed as adults. I was also proud of myself, and my husband, for doing a good job as parents. Thankfully, they all live within an hour of us so we get to see them quite often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you cry in private. I have an emotionally unregulated mother and it's always been awkward and cringey. This has pushed me away. It's fine to be sad though, we all are at important junctures in life. Just be happy and cheerful in front of him.

This is ridiculous. It is fine for a parent to cry a little and for an AC to know that their parent is both happy and sad. As long as you’re not hysterical or putting a guilt trip on them it’s fine. He’s a 24 year old young man who should be capable of understanding that transitions can have some pain. Mom and Dad have had him at home which has allowed him to save money instead of renting. This sounds like a nice, normal family with healthy relationships. Stop trying to make mothers be Doris Day.

Cry a little = fine. Cry every time you see them = not fine. See, not difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you cry in private. I have an emotionally unregulated mother and it's always been awkward and cringey. This has pushed me away. It's fine to be sad though, we all are at important junctures in life. Just be happy and cheerful in front of him.

It is a shame you are uncomfortable with feelings.

Many people would envy the fact that your mother clearly loves you. Unfortunately, you have learned to pathologize an entirely normal reaction.

[Anonymous]

I can relate to your feelings OP.

I am glad that your son won’t be across the country, or the globe. So glad also that you feel he has chosen a good life partner.

I think we, as parents, have moments when it sinks in that one door has closed. If a lot of happiness was behind that door, you feel sad. Just remember, there will be lots of happiness ahead also. You just can’t see it yet.

🤗

[Anonymous]

It's fine to be a bit sad, but try to keep it in perspective and recognize it's a happy-sad, or a grateful-sad. This isn't a sad milestone. Your adult child has made a healthy, positive life for themself.

Then try to go out and create some new focal points in your own life. Do not live your life based on the crumbs of your child's life.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely bittersweet!

Sounds like he’s on his way to a great next chapter. congrats and hugs to you, Mom!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Much worse when they are useless and won’t move out! Cheers!

This! 😆

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this will be helpful for you, but I recently read that it is our responsibility as parents to cultivate our relationships with our adult children.

It sounds like you already have a strong connection with you son, but now it is evolving. It can be great in the future - it's not over, just a chapter is over (and it is appropriate to reflect and feel that deeply).

Ask yourself, what can I do for myself today? And look forward to continuing your strong relationship with your adult child and his soon-to-be wife.

[Anonymous]

Congrats on raising a mature son who has their shit together!! Buying a house and being engaged at 24 is unusual now a days!

Do you have a dog? I truly don't know what I would do without my cutie. She brings joy and comfort to all

So exciting to have a wedding and housewarming on the horizon. Maybe grandkids soon!! Then you'll be able to fill lots of time by being a helpful and kind mother-in-law/grandmom. If you haven't already, I would recommend really focusing on building a relationship with your soon to be daughter-in-law. And don't forget to not act like an invalid who can't travel or plan outings, etc. So bizarre how so many women just shut down and age rapidly, turning into selfish martyrs because their little boys are building their own lives. Let them have their independence, but still think of them (I'll drop off dinner for them if I know they have had a long week, for example, or I'll buy tickets and coordinate for us to go to a show or concert or similar).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make sure you cry in private. I have an emotionally unregulated mother and it's always been awkward and cringey. This has pushed me away. It's fine to be sad though, we all are at important junctures in life. Just be happy and cheerful in front of him.

This is ridiculous. It is fine for a parent to cry a little and for an AC to know that their parent is both happy and sad. As long as you’re not hysterical or putting a guilt trip on them it’s fine. He’s a 24 year old young man who should be capable of understanding that transitions can have some pain. Mom and Dad have had him at home which has allowed him to save money instead of renting. This sounds like a nice, normal family with healthy relationships. Stop trying to make mothers be Doris Day.

Cry a little = fine. Cry every time you see them = not fine. See, not difficult. [/quote

Maybe you should take a little emotion from your mom instead of coming across and a frosty bi---- when someone tries to give you a different perspective.