Racial Bias in Nanny Share Arrangements
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
| nanny shares are great - I’d just keep looking and you’ll find a non-racist family. And of course you can start looking around for a more diverse neighborhood. |
Anonymous
| I think nanny shares are difficult. Would you want two different bosses with likely different expectations, schedules, contracts, etc.? No, thank you. One doesn't have to be a racist to decide that sharing your nanny is not in your or your employee's best interest. If you look for racism everywhere, you're likely to find it. |
Anonymous
|
If you have a hunch race is at play , then there’s really not much you can do. What do you expect Internet strangers to say? Either: yes! Sounds like you have racist neighbors, in which case nanny share won’t work. Or: no you are hyper sensitive, it’s just a matter of fit. In either case the problem is you need to pivot and either do daycare or single nanny.
My own experience is nanny shares are logistically complicated and only works if you really match well with a family. And it’s not surprising that families with very similar backgrounds match well. |
Anonymous
OP again. Lol, we live in the city where socioeconomic diversity exists. And we know many families with $400,000+ HHI that have opted into nanny shares…. |
Anonymous
|
It's possible the families are gravitating toward other white families due to comfort. I won't say it's not that because certainly that happens and it's often unconscious bias at work.
But I'll also say that at least in my DC neighborhood (Capitol Hill), being mixed race would be seen as a positive for a nanny share arrangement. People want their kids in diverse environments and that would be an easy way to ensure this. We have multiple friends who actively sought out nanny shares with families where one or both parents were native speakers of Spanish or French, with the intention of hiring a nanny fluent in that language and essentially creating a little immersion situation. This resulted in them joining shares with non-white families. I guess it could depend on your neighborhood, but at least where I live, being non-white is seen as a bonus in forming nanny shares. I think it also helps cut back on the inherent guilt some people have about dynamics with the nanny, who is almost always not white. Do you live in upper upper NW? That's the only part of DC I can think of where most of the families would be white and even there we know mixed and non-white families. |
Anonymous
|
OP, are you approaching people who already have vetted and good nannies? Because if they do I could see them not wanting to alter the dynamic if it’s working for their kid(s).
Not sure whether race is at play. Agree with the previous poster who said having exposure to a mixed race family would be a plus for many families. |
Anonymous
|
Ugh. My just want to say I’m sorry OP. We are a white family in DC who have done a few nanny shares with great success, and we went with nanny shares for the reasons you sited (similar cost to daycare, but an at home environment which is way better IMHO).
Race pops up in so many insidious ways. So sorry you’re dealing with it. I hope you find a good family soon!! |
Anonymous
OP again- last response before I go offline for the morning. 😂 Sorry to hear that. We started three months before the end of my mat leave which I thought was plenty of time, so this is sobering to hear. At this point we are toying with starting with our own nanny and just seeing if we can still try to find a share family down the line. We’ll see! |
Anonymous
I have had people tell me they really like so and so but they can’t be sure about what kind of family/friends might be coming around and they worry about those people. So maybe that kind of bias is at play in your situation? I always viewed nanny share arrangements as the hardest to arrange and manage. |
Anonymous
| Maybe is was personality, parenting style or something else. You are assuming everyone is racist so that’s a huge red flag. |
Anonymous
|
I believe you, OP. I had a similarly hard time finding a nanny share in my neighborhood, and in my case it was because I was young (for the neighborhood) to be having kids. Not young in general, just young for someplace as career-focused as DC and as a result folks assumed I could not afford the share long-term.
Nevermind that I had independent funds, they just didn't want to take the risk. At any rate, we ended up finding something and it wasn't ideal. Good luck finding something, and also know that nanny versus nanny share versus daycare doesn't mean anything in the long run, so long as the daycare is well-staffed and attentive. |
Anonymous
You are quoting me so I'll elaborate. With first, we had a share. We found each other and nanny before either of the boys were born so it might actually be too late. That said, if you get your own, I want you to feel good about the excessive expense. Our share family was paying cash and I was paying via payroll service so although we both paid the same salery, nanny got more cash from them. So she demanded that I raise her pay to equal theirs. Which is weird, right? I said no and she quit our half of the share. Months later, I saw nanny share mom visibly expecting so it was basic extortion. When I was expecting my second, we didn't get into a center so I had to get my own and I started by asking people at my older kid's preschool if their former nannies were looking for work. I interviewed almost 10 women, I think and found my woman. She was a full-time nanny for 3 years and then part time for a couple and we used her as a baby sitter until covid. She's coming over for Christmas! Upsides of your own nanny. You can ask for things like kid laundry, kid food prep for dinner (like dicing up fruits and vegs), organizing kid's room and stuff, very light grocery shopping. Mine would bring a sweet potato for example if that what she wanted to feed my child, or milk if she suspected I was out. You both work and mine would work when my older was ill. She was an internationally experienced nanny who DIDN'T GET sick. Ever. One embarrassing day, she took care of me, but we won't go into details. (norovirus). what else? You both work so work travel or both of us having an evening work commitment was never a problem. My Golden Girl (who was in her 50s at time of hire) even started doing towels, sheets and kitchen laundry, unasked. Having your own nanny is a luxury that you might be forced into and I hope this post helps you feel better about it. Did you make it the end? I have a surprise for you. That cash-paying family? Got divorced. Dad was "hanging out with" the next door lady. Mom worked in office all day. Dad "worked from home" before covid and the next door lady was a SAH. They got caught cheating and spouses split. Let that sink in. So one downside of not having a nanny-share is lack of drama, if you are into that sort of thing. So cheat on taxes, cheat on your wife I guess. Good luck! |
Anonymous
It sounds like a gentrifying neighborhood with a range of income levels. That’s what I got from OPs original post when he/she mentioned that’s the way the demographics falls |
Anonymous
What a bizarre post. |
Anonymous
Some of my lower tier servants utilize nanny share for their children when they are early in their careers. |