How religion has hurt my bisexual daughter...and our whole family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Religion didn’t hurt your child, your child’s choices hurt your child.

Agree
Ignorance is not an excuse.
Im a gay Christian that attends Church regularly, we all feel loved and accepted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Religion didn’t hurt your child, your child’s choices hurt your child.

Agree
Ignorance is not an excuse.
Im a gay Christian that attends Church regularly, we all feel loved and accepted.

No the cult hurt both the bisexual child and the “religious “ child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Religion didn’t hurt your child, your child’s choices hurt your child.

Im a gay Christian that attends Church regularly

And I'm a vegan meat eater.

[Anonymous]

Fundamental Christians do not espouse the teaching of Christ as the idea that Christ loved all people is a central tenet of Christian theology and belief. He also admonished Christians in His Sermon on the Mount to "Judge not lest ye be judged."

I am so sorry your daughter is being treated shamefully by her siblings. I can only try to imagine her heart break. She sounds like a lovely person and I wish her all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (34) began her first ever bisexual relationship last year. She finally discovered why none of the men she ever dated attracted her, and she is so happy and I am incredibly happy for her. She was so lonely, and she is such a beautiful soul full of love that I am over the moon that she found someone to share her life with.

However, one of my children is ultra religious. He hasn't felt the same way about his sister that he used to be so close to, and it is heartbreaking for all of us, especially my daughter of course. She also pretty much lost her best friend for the same reason. Her best friend loves her, has not shunned her, but tells her how intensely she is praying for her to come to jesus and renounce her lifestyle. It is hurtful and insulting and my daughter no longer wants to be around her very much because she knows how she feels about her.

My son's in-laws are fundamentalist christians that also won't have anything to do with my daughter anymore, even though my daughter-in-law was pretty close to my daughter before she made her announcement. Apparently, there were lots of tears when my daughter told her sister in law, and she begged her to change her ways and find jesus also.

I'm sure none of this is new to anyone here on this forum, but it is all new to me. I had no idea my daughter was attracted to women, but after the initial shock (sorry), I could not do anything but love and support my daughter in the face of a world full of bigots. But this religion stuff has driven a wedge, has divided a once close family, and has broken my heart for both of my children. For my daughter first of all, who has lost her brother in a way, and my son who has been convinced that his sister is not worthy of relationship, of closeness, of human kindness, or of love. That all of the history they shared, the hugs, their sweet brother/sister relationship doesn't mean more than the words in their book. I am devastated.

Is there any advice/wisdom/solace anyone here can give this grieving mother? Is there anything at all I can say to help my daughter?

I worked hard to raise my children with love as their ultimate value, and I succeeded with 3 out of the 4 of them. But my daughter, as she speaks of a future wedding, is already grieving knowing she will not have her baby brother, the person who finally made her a big sister, at her wedding as he thinks she is disgusting.

I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through anything like this.

My heart is breaking for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Religion didn’t hurt your child, your child’s choices hurt your child.

Agree
Ignorance is not an excuse.
Im a gay Christian that attends Church regularly, we all feel loved and accepted.

i really think its great that youre able to attend church and feel accepted but i really doubt that many other lgbt people can say the same especially in more conservative and fundamentalist parts of the country and world. and while people can be religious and respect each other i think the grievance in this post is of how some obtuse individuals are using religion against its purpose on people like op's daughter.

[Anonymous]

Support her.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this is just one more reason I don't look fondly (to put it very mildly) upon the Christian religion. Your daughter needs to surround herself with less religious people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Religion didn’t hurt your child, your child’s choices hurt your child.

I think this is the difficulty of OPs predicament that she cannot see from the perspective of a religious person.

OP wants everyone to elevate her daughter’s choices above their understanding of Biblical teachings. And they are saying no, we can’t just nod in agreement with you when you tell us that sinning is good.

And that’s the issue, OP.
You don’t believe that practicing homosexuality is a sin and therefore it isn’t an issue for you to accept your daughter’s ongoing choice to be in a lesbian relationship.

But if you DID believe that the Bible tells us that this is sinful (as your son and his wife and her family clearly believe) then it would be unthinkable for someone to ask you to not only accept that they will be continuing to choose to sin but you also need to embrace and celebrate the sin! It’s kind of a crazy expectation.

Christians believe we are all sinners and are given grace and forgiven if we confess and repent. But taking pride in our sin and calling sinful nature GOOD and embracing what the Bible says is sin…it’s just not compatible with following Christ.

I promise you that—from their perspective, they are objecting *because* they love her…not because they have deemed HER unworthy of love.
God calls us to be joyful in our obedience to him. They are praying that she will derive joy from confessing her sin and being obedient to God instead of from indulging her own temptations to sin.

I’m not saying that this is MY belief or even that it’s a correct one. Just laying this out in hopes that you, as a non-religious mother of both your daughter and your religious son might be able to get a glimpse into his perspective.

[Anonymous]

Or possibly, given that your son loves his sister and is a Christian who believes that Christ died to take the punishment for the sins of all of us, your son is convicted that encouraging his sister to seek to know Jesus, repent, and turn away from sin is 100x more loving than pretending it doesn’t matter and watching her get further and further from God.

I am sad for you OP because as a mother it must be heartbreaking.
And I’m sad for your DD because it must hurt a lot to feel so lonely and then to have found this happiness and face the disappointment of her brother and his family.

But I am also sad for your son that his mom and sister assume that his views are rooted in hate rather than deep love.
I will sincerely pray for all of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (34) began her first ever bisexual relationship last year. She finally discovered why none of the men she ever dated attracted her, and she is so happy and I am incredibly happy for her. She was so lonely, and she is such a beautiful soul full of love that I am over the moon that she found someone to share her life with.

However, one of my children is ultra religious. He hasn't felt the same way about his sister that he used to be so close to, and it is heartbreaking for all of us, especially my daughter of course. She also pretty much lost her best friend for the same reason. Her best friend loves her, has not shunned her, but tells her how intensely she is praying for her to come to jesus and renounce her lifestyle. It is hurtful and insulting and my daughter no longer wants to be around her very much because she knows how she feels about her.

My son's in-laws are fundamentalist christians that also won't have anything to do with my daughter anymore, even though my daughter-in-law was pretty close to my daughter before she made her announcement. Apparently, there were lots of tears when my daughter told her sister in law, and she begged her to change her ways and find jesus also.

I'm sure none of this is new to anyone here on this forum, but it is all new to me. I had no idea my daughter was attracted to women, but after the initial shock (sorry), I could not do anything but love and support my daughter in the face of a world full of bigots. But this religion stuff has driven a wedge, has divided a once close family, and has broken my heart for both of my children. For my daughter first of all, who has lost her brother in a way, and my son who has been convinced that his sister is not worthy of relationship, of closeness, of human kindness, or of love. That all of the history they shared, the hugs, their sweet brother/sister relationship doesn't mean more than the words in their book. I am devastated.

Is there any advice/wisdom/solace anyone here can give this grieving mother? Is there anything at all I can say to help my daughter?

I worked hard to raise my children with love as their ultimate value, and I succeeded with 3 out of the 4 of them. But my daughter, as she speaks of a future wedding, is already grieving knowing she will not have her baby brother, the person who finally made her a big sister, at her wedding as he thinks she is disgusting.

I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through anything like this.

I'm sorry that your daughter is facing homophobia and bigotry from her family and so called friend. I hope she is able to move on from people who would rather see her alone than in a relationship that they don't approve of-- these are not loving people or acts of love. Don't let that Christian gaslighter pp get into your head. Definitely stick with your daughter on this one--it's your son who needs to change or risk damaging his relationship with his family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Religion didn’t hurt your child, your child’s choices hurt your child.

I think this is the difficulty of OPs predicament that she cannot see from the perspective of a religious person.

OP wants everyone to elevate her daughter’s choices above their understanding of Biblical teachings. And they are saying no, we can’t just nod in agreement with you when you tell us that sinning is good.

And that’s the issue, OP.
You don’t believe that practicing homosexuality is a sin and therefore it isn’t an issue for you to accept your daughter’s ongoing choice to be in a lesbian relationship.

But if you DID believe that the Bible tells us that this is sinful (as your son and his wife and her family clearly believe) then it would be unthinkable for someone to ask you to not only accept that they will be continuing to choose to sin but you also need to embrace and celebrate the sin! It’s kind of a crazy expectation.

Christians believe we are all sinners and are given grace and forgiven if we confess and repent. But taking pride in our sin and calling sinful nature GOOD and embracing what the Bible says is sin…it’s just not compatible with following Christ.

I promise you that—from their perspective, they are objecting *because* they love her…not because they have deemed HER unworthy of love.
God calls us to be joyful in our obedience to him. They are praying that she will derive joy from confessing her sin and being obedient to God instead of from indulging her own temptations to sin.

I’m not saying that this is MY belief or even that it’s a correct one. Just laying this out in hopes that you, as a non-religious mother of both your daughter and your religious son might be able to get a glimpse into his perspective.

This is why most queer people are not religious. When someone says it’s a sin to be yourself, you know they don’t know what they’re talking about.

[Anonymous]

I am highly skeptical of the stance that she can’t see the issue through the lens of a religious person. I am not religious, but because of a friend have researched the neo-Calvinist church he belongs to. They like many of us are rent seekers in their own way. For example, they believe in complementarianism, where a woman must be submissive to a man. When I told my brother of this, and of looking at photos of the members, he laughed and said these guys have zero game. They aren’t capable of maintaining a relationship where partners are equal. Much easier to have the church act an oppressor. So of course these kind of institutions are going to dislike gay people. It interrupts their scheme of control and authority. I had a lesbian couple work for me - each reported to me - I found out later the C suite exec wanted it that way because I would treat them fairly and develop them (they had different learning styles). The couple knew I had researched this church - it also was and is the subject of child abuse matters - and they truly wanted to know the source of the hatred. I agree with the poster above that it is better to deal with people who put their biases up front. But these types weren’t going to do that, basking instead in contortions over Christian love. I simply told them they threatened the Church’s racket.

I was a serious national level athlete. Had a very tough persona. I was not easy to know. Three of my closest friends were in the theater, and gay. They were talented, but not accepted. Looking back I liked to believe I was a nice guy - but not so sure. I liked them and trusted them because they were doing exactly what I was doing. They put themselves out there, taking risks and overcoming fears. Little wonder I liked and respected them. I am grateful that I didn’t have a religious structure influencing me.

[Anonymous]

I am Catholic, and most Catholics I know would be accepting even though they don't agree with the lifestyle. They would still love them, but they might try to understand more what drove them in that direction. On the other hand, I do know families in my church who are extremely conservative that would not accept this lifestyle and could very well shun the family member. Religion really is a spectrum, so don't blame religion...blame your family members who are clearly heartless.

[Anonymous]

My mom was raised in an extremely conservative Baptist church and I've watched her views progress on this over time, to the point that when my sister came out she was ready to go to Pride with her.

If God would truly create my sister as she is and then send her to hell for loving her wife, I'd rather go to hell with her and having nothing to do with a God like that.