How religion has hurt my bisexual daughter...and our whole family

[Anonymous]

My daughter (34) began her first ever bisexual relationship last year. She finally discovered why none of the men she ever dated attracted her, and she is so happy and I am incredibly happy for her. She was so lonely, and she is such a beautiful soul full of love that I am over the moon that she found someone to share her life with.

However, one of my children is ultra religious. He hasn't felt the same way about his sister that he used to be so close to, and it is heartbreaking for all of us, especially my daughter of course. She also pretty much lost her best friend for the same reason. Her best friend loves her, has not shunned her, but tells her how intensely she is praying for her to come to jesus and renounce her lifestyle. It is hurtful and insulting and my daughter no longer wants to be around her very much because she knows how she feels about her.

My son's in-laws are fundamentalist christians that also won't have anything to do with my daughter anymore, even though my daughter-in-law was pretty close to my daughter before she made her announcement. Apparently, there were lots of tears when my daughter told her sister in law, and she begged her to change her ways and find jesus also.

I'm sure none of this is new to anyone here on this forum, but it is all new to me. I had no idea my daughter was attracted to women, but after the initial shock (sorry), I could not do anything but love and support my daughter in the face of a world full of bigots. But this religion stuff has driven a wedge, has divided a once close family, and has broken my heart for both of my children. For my daughter first of all, who has lost her brother in a way, and my son who has been convinced that his sister is not worthy of relationship, of closeness, of human kindness, or of love. That all of the history they shared, the hugs, their sweet brother/sister relationship doesn't mean more than the words in their book. I am devastated.

Is there any advice/wisdom/solace anyone here can give this grieving mother? Is there anything at all I can say to help my daughter?

I worked hard to raise my children with love as their ultimate value, and I succeeded with 3 out of the 4 of them. But my daughter, as she speaks of a future wedding, is already grieving knowing she will not have her baby brother, the person who finally made her a big sister, at her wedding as he thinks she is disgusting.

I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through anything like this.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. You hit the nail on the head. Those “Christians” are bigots. I pray that they will find God and accept your daughter. God made everyone and loves everyone. Who are they to judge?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. You hit the nail on the head. Those “Christians” are bigots. I pray that they will find God and accept your daughter. God made everyone and loves everyone. Who are they to judge?

Agreed. It's a big reason why I left my religion as an adult. They were so incredibly bigoted and hypocritical. Some of the nastiest people I've ever met were religious.

[Anonymous]

You have to support your LBGTQ daughter over the others as they have fewer allies in life. You can't win and will likely have to choose sides. Religion is not a reason to be unkind to others. I know people may disagree but this is my experience and what I had to do.

[Anonymous]

You reflect on what was going on in your house while your kids were growing up. How did so many of them either become zealots or marry zealots?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately, your son is making you choose between your children. Which one you choose -- the bigot or the one who is finally living her authentic life -- will say a lot about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You reflect on what was going on in your house while your kids were growing up. How did so many of them either become zealots or marry zealots?

1 out of 4? Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately, your son is making you choose between your children. Which one you choose -- the bigot or the one who is finally living her authentic life -- will say a lot about you.

I’ve already made it clear I won’t condone his disrespect .

[Anonymous]

I’m a hypocrite and a sinner, but I have met some LGBTQ+ Christians, and they are right at the top of the most Christ-like people that I have ever met. Many are highly intelligent and extremely knowledgeable of the Christian tradition, including the mutations of it, the heresies that underly religious bigotry. I am so sorry for your tragic situation.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP. Your son and in-laws are Christians in name only. Indeed, you may call them that to their face. My family is Catholic, but they don't throw away their "sinning" loved ones like this.

[Anonymous]

Agree- raised Catholic as are DC but they all know they would have our love regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. You hit the nail on the head. Those “Christians” are bigots. I pray that they will find God and accept your daughter. God made everyone and loves everyone. Who are they to judge?

Agreed. It's a big reason why I left my religion as an adult. They were so incredibly bigoted and hypocritical. Some of the nastiest people I've ever met were religious.

Ive found this to be the case in my life too. I have no issues with anyone believing in a higher power. But I sure do notice when someone who professes to be religious and believes their beliefs trumps overs acts in an immoral way.

[Anonymous]

As a lesbian, I actually prefer the Christians who are up-front and honest about how they feel about me to the ones who feel the need to be fake nice and pretend that they don't hate me. I was raised in a Christian househould and have many family members who have deeply held religious beliefs. The harsh reality is that we are incompatible with one another and can no longer have a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter (34) began her first ever bisexual relationship last year. She finally discovered why none of the men she ever dated attracted her, and she is so happy and I am incredibly happy for her. She was so lonely, and she is such a beautiful soul full of love that I am over the moon that she found someone to share her life with.

However, one of my children is ultra religious. He hasn't felt the same way about his sister that he used to be so close to, and it is heartbreaking for all of us, especially my daughter of course. She also pretty much lost her best friend for the same reason. Her best friend loves her, has not shunned her, but tells her how intensely she is praying for her to come to jesus and renounce her lifestyle. It is hurtful and insulting and my daughter no longer wants to be around her very much because she knows how she feels about her.

My son's in-laws are fundamentalist christians that also won't have anything to do with my daughter anymore, even though my daughter-in-law was pretty close to my daughter before she made her announcement. Apparently, there were lots of tears when my daughter told her sister in law, and she begged her to change her ways and find jesus also.

I'm sure none of this is new to anyone here on this forum, but it is all new to me. I had no idea my daughter was attracted to women, but after the initial shock (sorry), I could not do anything but love and support my daughter in the face of a world full of bigots. But this religion stuff has driven a wedge, has divided a once close family, and has broken my heart for both of my children. For my daughter first of all, who has lost her brother in a way, and my son who has been convinced that his sister is not worthy of relationship, of closeness, of human kindness, or of love. That all of the history they shared, the hugs, their sweet brother/sister relationship doesn't mean more than the words in their book. I am devastated.

Is there any advice/wisdom/solace anyone here can give this grieving mother? Is there anything at all I can say to help my daughter?

I worked hard to raise my children with love as their ultimate value, and I succeeded with 3 out of the 4 of them. But my daughter, as she speaks of a future wedding, is already grieving knowing she will not have her baby brother, the person who finally made her a big sister, at her wedding as he thinks she is disgusting.

I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through anything like this.

What is a “bisexual relationship?”

[Anonymous]

Religion didn’t hurt your child, your child’s choices hurt your child.