Why do grown women need to call each other ‘bestie’ or ‘bff’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't bother me when adult women do this but I do think the desire of many girls and women to have a "best" friend is interesting. I've never had a best friend but I've always had plenty of friends and am social and people seem to like me. I've never really understood why people seek the exclusivity of a "bestie" in friendship.

Especially now that I'm in my 40s with a husband and a child. There are already so many exclusive relationships due to marriage and family -- my relationship with my DH and DC are special and singular. But that makes me want a best friend even less -- I like how expansive and inclusive my friendships can be. It's a more flexible relationship that can shift and adapt in ways that a marriage or parent-child relationship can't and that's a nice counterbalance (I love my family a lot, don't get me wrong!).

I'm the opposite. I don't have the mental energy in my 40s to have 20 aquaninstences who don't know me deeply. I prefer my small best friend group to get in deep with.

PP here. I have virtually no acquaintances (I guess the parents of my kid's friends would count but I don't invest in those relationships). I have a handful of close friends I've known for years but no "bestie" specifically because I find that term so limiting. The two friends I'm closest to right now, we weren't as close a few years back but the pandemic brought us together due to similar circumstances. Meanwhile I have a good friend who I'm not as close to now but we were very close when our kids, who are very close in age, were babies and that bond really cemented our friendship even if we have gone in slightly different directions since then so don't see each other as often.

I wouldn't call any of these women my best friend because I have seen how friendship can ebb and flow and how that's actually healthy and the flexibility allows us to maintain friendshps even when we are in a period where we might not have as much in common or be able to see each other as much. I think assigning "bestie" to a friendship creates static expectations and then if lives shift and you are more distant for a time it's like a betrayal -- you were supposed to be my "best" friend but you are so focused on your husband or baby or new job. But if you just have a collection of close friends those shifts don't feel like betrayal. It's just normal and perhaps you'll find your way back to each other part of life. If you have other close friends then you can shift energy towards them and you don't feel abandoned or lonely just because one close friend has other priorities at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so cringe

+1. Dovetailing on that, all the "girlie" talk. Unbelievable painful to the ear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so cringe

+1. Dovetailing on that, all the "girlie" talk. Unbelievable painful to the ear.

+1. It’s baby talk, which is a disgraceful way for grown women to talk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so cringe

Using the word cringe is also cringe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:it is. Most women I see doing this are alcoholic women that still act like they're 15.

This is so accurate

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so cringe

Using the word cringe is also cringe.

I disagree

[Anonymous]

Having strong female friendships is not “cringe”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so cringe

+1. Dovetailing on that, all the "girlie" talk. Unbelievable painful to the ear.

+1. It’s baby talk, which is a disgraceful way for grown women to talk

I will not be policed by you or anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:B/c we've been besties since we were 10. That will never change. Boo on you for hating.

+1

I have my bff and I have my squad. They and my littles are my everything.

[Anonymous]

I've never referred to any of my male friends like that. I don't know any man who has. Where are you getting that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've never referred to any of my male friends like that. I don't know any man who has. Where are you getting that?

It's used between women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so cringe

Using the word cringe is also cringe.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B/c we've been besties since we were 10. That will never change. Boo on you for hating.

+1

I have my bff and I have my squad. They and my littles are my everything.

lol are you also a ‘mama’?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B/c we've been besties since we were 10. That will never change. Boo on you for hating.

+1

I have my bff and I have my squad. They and my littles are my everything.

I like you, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:B/c we've been besties since we were 10. That will never change. Boo on you for hating.

+1

I have my bff and I have my squad. They and my littles are my everything.

Do you work? Have a husband? Are any of your friendships with a person who is not your same age and socioeconomic background? Do you have any male friends? Are any of your friends LGBTQ? I'm curious because I've noticed that people who use this kind of language and are very into these sorts of female friendships tend to have very narrow social groups.

I would never have this attitude because my friends don't all mesh together in this cohesive group where we have a "squad." They know each other and get along and can have fun together at a gathering. But most of them also have other friends who aren't necessarily part of my circle of close friends. Everyone has their own families and careers and priorities and they can be wildly different so it would not be possible for everyone to get all their social needs met by the same group. And because there are a range of ages, people are in different places in life -- I'm mid-40s and some of my friends are early 50s and others are mid- to late 30s and they just have wildly different friendship needs.

So the concept of a bestie and a squad is just weird to me. It would not map onto my life at all and implies a level of homogeneity that I haven't had in my friendships since maybe high school? Even then I had some friends who were above and below me in school and like when I was a senior, my two good friends who had already graduated were not spending 100% of their time hanging out with me and my friends who were juniors but we were still close and I'm still friends with several of those women now. The friendships are based on mutual affection but not on "the group" or the idea that we are closer to each other than to others ("besties"). It's just all very foreign to me. I see it in movies and TV shows but have never really experienced something like that in real life.