Reply to Why do grown women need to call each other ‘bestie’ or ‘bff’?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It doesn't bother me when adult women do this but I do think the desire of many girls and women to have a "best" friend is interesting. I've never had a best friend but I've always had plenty of friends and am social and people seem to like me. I've never really understood why people seek the exclusivity of a "bestie" in friendship.

Especially now that I'm in my 40s with a husband and a child. There are already so many exclusive relationships due to marriage and family -- my relationship with my DH and DC are special and singular. But that makes me want a best friend even less -- I like how expansive and inclusive my friendships can be. It's a more flexible relationship that can shift and adapt in ways that a marriage or parent-child relationship can't and that's a nice counterbalance (I love my family a lot, don't get me wrong!).[/quote]

I'm the opposite. I don't have the mental energy in my 40s to have 20 aquaninstences who don't know me deeply. I prefer my small best friend group to get in deep with. [/quote]

PP here. I have virtually no acquaintances (I guess the parents of my kid's friends would count but I don't invest in those relationships). I have a handful of close friends I've known for years but no "bestie" specifically because I find that term so limiting. The two friends I'm closest to right now, we weren't as close a few years back but the pandemic brought us together due to similar circumstances. Meanwhile I have a good friend who I'm not as close to now but we were very close when our kids, who are very close in age, were babies and that bond really cemented our friendship even if we have gone in slightly different directions since then so don't see each other as often.

I wouldn't call any of these women my best friend because I have seen how friendship can ebb and flow and how that's actually healthy and the flexibility allows us to maintain friendshps even when we are in a period where we might not have as much in common or be able to see each other as much. I think assigning "bestie" to a friendship creates static expectations and then if lives shift and you are more distant for a time it's like a betrayal -- you were supposed to be my "best" friend but you are so focused on your husband or baby or new job. But if you just have a collection of close friends those shifts don't feel like betrayal. It's just normal and perhaps you'll find your way back to each other part of life. If you have other close friends then you can shift energy towards them and you don't feel abandoned or lonely just because one close friend has other priorities at the moment.[/quote]

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