Stay in mediocre relationship or risk being alone?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have move in with him. The relationship would be fresher and you could keep an eye out for someone with some emotions and feelings.
He sounds like a pet on your couch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you doing other interesting things together? Do you travel, bike, hike ?

OP - can you please respond to this? Is he a good travel companion, eg likes road trips international travel? Hanging out with friends? If so, would he be able to contribute as equal partner to these activities or you are banking everything - rent, utilities, travel ?
Of it’s just lack of conversations but otherwise I had a companion to do stuff traveling together and he’s contributing to our quality of life in retirement, I would stay in the relationship and fill in the void with book clubs.

OP here. He's a good travel companion and he contributes more than half of the expenses you mentioned. We do a lot of things together and have a good time but the emotional connection and conversation is lacking

[Anonymous]

OP, you should have another place, travel, be meeting other people. You may or may not find someone else you prefer. Where are your gown children? Get an apartment near one of them. Go back and forth. Any Grandchildren? You don't need to "leave him" necessarily, not to make a change - you could also find that you're blaming him for you getting more boring too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you doing other interesting things together? Do you travel, bike, hike ?

OP - can you please respond to this? Is he a good travel companion, eg likes road trips international travel? Hanging out with friends? If so, would he be able to contribute as equal partner to these activities or you are banking everything - rent, utilities, travel ?
Of it’s just lack of conversations but otherwise I had a companion to do stuff traveling together and he’s contributing to our quality of life in retirement, I would stay in the relationship and fill in the void with book clubs.

OP here. He's a good travel companion and he contributes more than half of the expenses you mentioned. We do a lot of things together and have a good time but the emotional connection and conversation is lacking

He sounds like a good person and that is his ‘fault’. You should do him a favor and end it. Why keep living a lie and you can go on your quest to find someone to fill your needs. He will be free to find someone more compatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you doing other interesting things together? Do you travel, bike, hike ?

OP - can you please respond to this? Is he a good travel companion, eg likes road trips international travel? Hanging out with friends? If so, would he be able to contribute as equal partner to these activities or you are banking everything - rent, utilities, travel ?
Of it’s just lack of conversations but otherwise I had a companion to do stuff traveling together and he’s contributing to our quality of life in retirement, I would stay in the relationship and fill in the void with book clubs.

OP here. He's a good travel companion and he contributes more than half of the expenses you mentioned. We do a lot of things together and have a good time but the emotional connection and conversation is lacking

He sounds like a good person and that is his ‘fault’. You should do him a favor and end it. Why keep living a lie and you can go on your quest to find someone to fill your needs. He will be free to find someone more compatible.

This exactly. Set this man free to find his real match and go find your soulmate. I am rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you doing other interesting things together? Do you travel, bike, hike ?

OP - can you please respond to this? Is he a good travel companion, eg likes road trips international travel? Hanging out with friends? If so, would he be able to contribute as equal partner to these activities or you are banking everything - rent, utilities, travel ?
Of it’s just lack of conversations but otherwise I had a companion to do stuff traveling together and he’s contributing to our quality of life in retirement, I would stay in the relationship and fill in the void with book clubs.

OP here. He's a good travel companion and he contributes more than half of the expenses you mentioned. We do a lot of things together and have a good time but the emotional connection and conversation is lacking

He sounds like a good person and that is his ‘fault’. You should do him a favor and end it. Why keep living a lie and you can go on your quest to find someone to fill your needs. He will be free to find someone more compatible.

Set him free, OP. It’s you. You’re the problem.

[Anonymous]

Op - why are you so not self-sufficient ? You should have own interests - book clubs, concerts friends to go out with. He sounds just like other men to me and not a dud.

[Anonymous]

Easiest to blame not-having-the-life I deserve, not being the person I dream of being, on someone getting in the way. Op, I dare you to start doing exciting stuff, having engaging conversations -- with someone. He's not stopping you. Not stopping you from anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op - why are you so not self-sufficient ? You should have own interests - book clubs, concerts friends to go out with. He sounds just like other men to me and not a dud.

I have a lot of friends and actually travel with them twice yearly and have great conversations with them. And my work gives me a lot of intellectual stimulation. But I was hoping that my companion for life would give me the deep emotional connection and conversation that I had with my husband. But given the reality of the dating world in your 50s and above, I question whether I could find that and if I'm just looking for a unicorn. My partner now has a lot of qualities and is good to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easiest to blame not-having-the-life I deserve, not being the person I dream of being, on someone getting in the way. Op, I dare you to start doing exciting stuff, having engaging conversations -- with someone. He's not stopping you. Not stopping you from anything.

Are you suggesting that I leave him and do this or just have these engaging conversations with other people?

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry for your loss.

Honestly, I understand what you are saying. A lot of men are not great conversationalists. It can be hard to find. I think it just depends how much you are getting otherwise out of this relationship. How much do you enjoy his company? How much does he add to your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for advice on whether to "settle" or try to see if I can find a better match.

I'm a woman in my mid 50s, with grown children. I was widowed in my mid 40s and began dating again at 50. I've been in a relationship with someone for four years now with a man a few years older than me, and we started living together three years ago. Our relationship started out strong but over time has weakened. Hes nice, funny, and loyal, but he doesn't offer much in terms of emotional connection. On weekends he likes to watch sports and he spends a lot of time on the couch doing that. I like talking about books and current events and he's not into that. We have fun together but it's superficial.

Our relationship is pleasant but he's not the soulmate that I hoped to spend the rest of my life with. I think a lot about the deep conversations and talking for hours that I had with my late husband, and I wonder if I could find that again.

If I were i younger, I think I could have a chance of finding that. But in my mid 50s, the dating pool is very small and the options are so limited. The men I know in this age group who are single have major baggage or issues.

Is the wise decision to give up on the soulmate idea and be happy with a so-so relationship that is more about easy companionship than deep connection? Or risk trying to find that and potentially lose a "good enough" relationship?

At any age this is a challenge for women. Emotionally fulfilling a woman is not always easy for most of us men. Some do succeed but let's be honest and frank the vast majority of men fail. I am sure the outliers will jump up and down and say oh my DH is soooooo emotionally supportive. Well good for you. It's just a fact it's not always easy for us to emotionally connect with women in ways that they are very satisfied with our efforts.

[Anonymous]

Would being alone be better than remaining in this relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry for your loss.

Honestly, I understand what you are saying. A lot of men are not great conversationalists. It can be hard to find. I think it just depends how much you are getting otherwise out of this relationship. How much do you enjoy his company? How much does he add to your life?

He adds more then half of her living and travel expenses, gives good sex. Most 50+ women would be happy to have it . OP just still loves her exH and needs therapy
Or her BF actually is physically unattractive and irritates her - thus she feels contempt

[Anonymous]

I am surprised that you are worried about being alone. It's a departure from what the women here say.