Only child trait?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have an only and he doesn’t act like this at all. Because we don’t allow that behavior. Meanwhile I know plenty of kids with siblings who kick, punch, yell at and throw things. Because their parents don’t do anything to mitigate that behavior.

It sounds like he is constantly in physical altercations with other kids at his preschool. By his account, he never hits, but a couple other kids are “trying to kill him” and kicking him 5x a day. Obviously some hyperbole there but you get the gist. He also gets into physical fights with his other cousins who are closer in age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Siblings don't put up with this
even if parents don't shut-it-down, siblings will

I’m actually really unsure of how our kids should handle his misbehavior.

They are older and bigger so I tell them they can’t just hit him back. Plus we have a strict no hitting or hurting people rule in our house.

They have asked me what they are supposed to do when he starts getting mean and beating up on them.

If I have my eyes on him obviously I intervene. But if I don’t, how should I advise them to handle the situation?

I didn’t answer their question because I didn’t know the right answer.

Bumping this as I really am seeking an answer for this specific question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To all those shouting that it’s a parenting problem I would note that some children are MUCH more difficult/demanding/bossy than others. He wanted a toy from Target that mom wouldn’t buy. So, she doesn’t give him everything, but he’s asking for it! Some children are like that. (Yes, we can help them improve.)

It's true. Some kids are just demanding and parenting them requires you to say no A LOT plus teach them to manage their disappointment when you do. It's hard work and not for the faint of heart.

Though I actually think the OP is a troll because she says the kid is 4. That's a tough age! I suppose OP might have randomly gotten a couple kids who weren't this difficult at 4 but I feel like it's 50-50 at that age in terms of easy-going versus difficult. It's a peek time for testing boundaries. So I just have a hard time believing a mom if multiple older kids would really have no experience with this kind of behavior.

I would also assume a kid that age would have a difficult time being away from his parents and that can bring out rigid, controlling behavior in kids. OP doesn't mention that he's like this when his parents are around. Even a generally easy 4 yo could act like this if stressed and scared. It's really young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all those shouting that it’s a parenting problem I would note that some children are MUCH more difficult/demanding/bossy than others. He wanted a toy from Target that mom wouldn’t buy. So, she doesn’t give him everything, but he’s asking for it! Some children are like that. (Yes, we can help them improve.)

It's true. Some kids are just demanding and parenting them requires you to say no A LOT plus teach them to manage their disappointment when you do. It's hard work and not for the faint of heart.

Though I actually think the OP is a troll because she says the kid is 4. That's a tough age! I suppose OP might have randomly gotten a couple kids who weren't this difficult at 4 but I feel like it's 50-50 at that age in terms of easy-going versus difficult. It's a peek time for testing boundaries. So I just have a hard time believing a mom if multiple older kids would really have no experience with this kind of behavior.

I would also assume a kid that age would have a difficult time being away from his parents and that can bring out rigid, controlling behavior in kids. OP doesn't mention that he's like this when his parents are around. Even a generally easy 4 yo could act like this if stressed and scared. It's really young.

It’s one thing when it’s your own kid. Yes I’m well aware that it’s one of the most difficult ages. But my kids were never like that in any other environment except at home with us. They were angels everywhere else. They definitely tested us at home. But at their relatives? Apart from being a little rambunctious, they did not. Nor were they demanding, bossy, or beating up other kids.

Also he’s not stressed and scared. He begged to stay with us and wants to stay with us longer. In fact he’s just a bit too comfortable with us, if you ask me!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all those shouting that it’s a parenting problem I would note that some children are MUCH more difficult/demanding/bossy than others. He wanted a toy from Target that mom wouldn’t buy. So, she doesn’t give him everything, but he’s asking for it! Some children are like that. (Yes, we can help them improve.)

It's true. Some kids are just demanding and parenting them requires you to say no A LOT plus teach them to manage their disappointment when you do. It's hard work and not for the faint of heart.

Though I actually think the OP is a troll because she says the kid is 4. That's a tough age! I suppose OP might have randomly gotten a couple kids who weren't this difficult at 4 but I feel like it's 50-50 at that age in terms of easy-going versus difficult. It's a peek time for testing boundaries. So I just have a hard time believing a mom if multiple older kids would really have no experience with this kind of behavior.

I would also assume a kid that age would have a difficult time being away from his parents and that can bring out rigid, controlling behavior in kids. OP doesn't mention that he's like this when his parents are around. Even a generally easy 4 yo could act like this if stressed and scared. It's really young.

It’s one thing when it’s your own kid. Yes I’m well aware that it’s one of the most difficult ages. But my kids were never like that in any other environment except at home with us. They were angels everywhere else. They definitely tested us at home. But at their relatives? Apart from being a little rambunctious, they did not. Nor were they demanding, bossy, or beating up other kids.

Also he’s not stressed and scared. He begged to stay with us and wants to stay with us longer. In fact he’s just a bit too comfortable with us, if you ask me!

Also he does act like this with his parents as well. Probably a fair bit worse with his own parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Siblings don't put up with this
even if parents don't shut-it-down, siblings will

I’m actually really unsure of how our kids should handle his misbehavior.

They are older and bigger so I tell them they can’t just hit him back. Plus we have a strict no hitting or hurting people rule in our house.

They have asked me what they are supposed to do when he starts getting mean and beating up on them.

If I have my eyes on him obviously I intervene. But if I don’t, how should I advise them to handle the situation?

I didn’t answer their question because I didn’t know the right answer.

Bumping this as I really am seeking an answer for this specific question.

You need to model how to do it when you intervene. I would take his hands and hold them firmly (but not too firmly) and make eye contact and say clearly "No hitting. We don't hit." And then move past it. An older kid should be able to do this with a 4 yo as long as it's just like "pesky little bro" aggression and the kid isn't out of control or anything.

I would also tell them to simply remove themselves from the situation as an alternative. If he starts hitting they can just get up and say "I don't want to play if you are hitting."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all those shouting that it’s a parenting problem I would note that some children are MUCH more difficult/demanding/bossy than others. He wanted a toy from Target that mom wouldn’t buy. So, she doesn’t give him everything, but he’s asking for it! Some children are like that. (Yes, we can help them improve.)

It's true. Some kids are just demanding and parenting them requires you to say no A LOT plus teach them to manage their disappointment when you do. It's hard work and not for the faint of heart.

Though I actually think the OP is a troll because she says the kid is 4. That's a tough age! I suppose OP might have randomly gotten a couple kids who weren't this difficult at 4 but I feel like it's 50-50 at that age in terms of easy-going versus difficult. It's a peek time for testing boundaries. So I just have a hard time believing a mom if multiple older kids would really have no experience with this kind of behavior.

I would also assume a kid that age would have a difficult time being away from his parents and that can bring out rigid, controlling behavior in kids. OP doesn't mention that he's like this when his parents are around. Even a generally easy 4 yo could act like this if stressed and scared. It's really young.

It’s one thing when it’s your own kid. Yes I’m well aware that it’s one of the most difficult ages. But my kids were never like that in any other environment except at home with us. They were angels everywhere else. They definitely tested us at home. But at their relatives? Apart from being a little rambunctious, they did not. Nor were they demanding, bossy, or beating up other kids.

Also he’s not stressed and scared. He begged to stay with us and wants to stay with us longer. In fact he’s just a bit too comfortable with us, if you ask me!

Did your kids ever spend an entire week away from you at age 4? Sorry but that's an unusual amount of time for a kid that age and no matter what he says about wanting to do it, he's going to have separation anxiety and stress.

My kid used to beg to spend the night at grandparents house at age 4 or 5. But when we tried she'd really struggle-- it sounded great to her but the reality was scary and hard. It didn't feel totally comfortable until she was a bit older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To all those shouting that it’s a parenting problem I would note that some children are MUCH more difficult/demanding/bossy than others. He wanted a toy from Target that mom wouldn’t buy. So, she doesn’t give him everything, but he’s asking for it! Some children are like that. (Yes, we can help them improve.)

It's true. Some kids are just demanding and parenting them requires you to say no A LOT plus teach them to manage their disappointment when you do. It's hard work and not for the faint of heart.

Though I actually think the OP is a troll because she says the kid is 4. That's a tough age! I suppose OP might have randomly gotten a couple kids who weren't this difficult at 4 but I feel like it's 50-50 at that age in terms of easy-going versus difficult. It's a peek time for testing boundaries. So I just have a hard time believing a mom if multiple older kids would really have no experience with this kind of behavior.

I would also assume a kid that age would have a difficult time being away from his parents and that can bring out rigid, controlling behavior in kids. OP doesn't mention that he's like this when his parents are around. Even a generally easy 4 yo could act like this if stressed and scared. It's really young.

It’s one thing when it’s your own kid. Yes I’m well aware that it’s one of the most difficult ages. But my kids were never like that in any other environment except at home with us. They were angels everywhere else. They definitely tested us at home. But at their relatives? Apart from being a little rambunctious, they did not. Nor were they demanding, bossy, or beating up other kids.

Also he’s not stressed and scared. He begged to stay with us and wants to stay with us longer. In fact he’s just a bit too comfortable with us, if you ask me!

Did your kids ever spend an entire week away from you at age 4? Sorry but that's an unusual amount of time for a kid that age and no matter what he says about wanting to do it, he's going to have separation anxiety and stress.

My kid used to beg to spend the night at grandparents house at age 4 or 5. But when we tried she'd really struggle-- it sounded great to her but the reality was scary and hard. It didn't feel totally comfortable until she was a bit older.

This is not the first time he’s stayed with us. He WAS a little nervous the first time. But I gave him extra attention to make sure he felt comfortable. I just don’t sense any nervousness from him this time around.

Maybe I’m just expecting too much in terms of him adjusting to a day in a life with a full family with siblings, after having been a 1-man show for most of his days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Siblings don't put up with this
even if parents don't shut-it-down, siblings will

I’m actually really unsure of how our kids should handle his misbehavior.

They are older and bigger so I tell them they can’t just hit him back. Plus we have a strict no hitting or hurting people rule in our house.

They have asked me what they are supposed to do when he starts getting mean and beating up on them.

If I have my eyes on him obviously I intervene. But if I don’t, how should I advise them to handle the situation?

I didn’t answer their question because I didn’t know the right answer.

Bumping this as I really am seeking an answer for this specific question.

You need to model how to do it when you intervene. I would take his hands and hold them firmly (but not too firmly) and make eye contact and say clearly "No hitting. We don't hit." And then move past it. An older kid should be able to do this with a 4 yo as long as it's just like "pesky little bro" aggression and the kid isn't out of control or anything.

I would also tell them to simply remove themselves from the situation as an alternative. If he starts hitting they can just get up and say "I don't want to play if you are hitting."

Thanks this is helpful

[Anonymous]

Of course it is. They're all selfish, annoying and constantly seeking attention.

[Anonymous]

I think this is personality and bad parenting. Nothing to do with being an only child.

[Anonymous]

I have an only, now 12 and I purposely didn’t give her her way all the time to prevent this.
This is more like spoiled parenting though than an only child thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is. They're all selfish, annoying and constantly seeking attention.

I have an only who is very shy, prefers to blend in, and has impeccable manners when she goes to other people's houses (in part because she is very averse to getting attention so she works hard to "behave correctly" as a way to blend in).

And we all know kids with siblings who are demanding and attention-seeking.

[Anonymous]

My immediate reaction is this kid is not neurotypical.

[Anonymous]

This “only children are so spoiled” thing is so tiresome.