Only child trait?

[Anonymous]

The most aggressive kids I've known had had siblings. Kids fight with each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM: don’t take toddlers on international flights but also don’t leave them at home.

I am not upset with anyone for leaving a child with a loving caretaker for a week.

I do think the expectation that a 4 yr old will handle a week away from his parents with ease, in a house with multiple older kids and where his aunt is expecting him to just easily acclimate to their schedule, a little silly. 3/4 are notoriously hard ages for separation anxiety and pushing boundaries.

The situation sounds both like a PITA and also pretty predictable, honestly. OP is acting like she can't imagine why there's an issue which is especially dense.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I honestly don’t think I can handle this. I’ve just finally started my life outside of the caretaking of our children back up again. Our kids are older and more responsible, but still never will be “easy” children. They are very opinionated, sensitive and stubborn too.. I have taken on other adult responsibilities.

I wanted to be that go to favorite aunt, so yes I go the extra mile. But now I’m just older, in my 50s and I’m tired. All our kids are gifted, which brings extra challenges. I’ve been diagnosed with adhd, and I get easily overwhelmed and exhausted.

I feel disappointed in myself for failing to meet their expectations and my own expectations.

It also didn’t help that this was just a “pleasure” trip for the parents. And part of me is disappointed in myself that I felt guilted into it and didn’t know my limits.

I mean nothing terrible happened. I just feel utterly drained, exhausted, and resentful, and I feel like a crappy person for not having warm and fuzzy feelings toward my nephew after a week of dealing with his shenanigans.

And to top it off, everybody here is dumping on me about how dense I am and unreasonable I am.

I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Sometimes our best intentions outpace our abilities and reserves on any given day. You did the best you could. Take a few days and decompress. You'll love your nephew (and yourself) again in the near future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Combination of innate personality traits, parenting style, and lack of having to accommodate siblings. It’s everything together!

+1. Parenting style and only child go hand in hand. When similar age siblings are in the mix you are naturally forced to compromise more and are more aware of give and take (“we went to the museum yesterday because you wanted that, Billy. tomorrow we are going to the playground, since that’s what Molly wants.”) I see this with my kids’ friends who have much older siblings (10+ years), because their experience is pretty similar to that of an only child. But nothing is universal, some kids are just less willing to compromise and are more oriented towards getting their “needs” (target run, laser tag, etc) met.

[Anonymous]

OP - my nephew was exactly like this - he got much better when he went to school and had boundaries with teachers vs his parents who are very loving but impose very few boundaries. Also he is very smart so was able to adapt to our household when we told him in a very neutral voice - that x, y or z might be what happens at home but at our house we did a,b, c - for example, he was always claiming that he didn't have to wash his hands after using the bathroom (which we knew wasn't true) but can't blame him for trying. It is a struggle and im glad you decided to vent here to get it out in a way and give you more energy to support your nephew

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCUM: don’t take toddlers on international flights but also don’t leave them at home.

I am not upset with anyone for leaving a child with a loving caretaker for a week.

I do think the expectation that a 4 yr old will handle a week away from his parents with ease, in a house with multiple older kids and where his aunt is expecting him to just easily acclimate to their schedule, a little silly. 3/4 are notoriously hard ages for separation anxiety and pushing boundaries.

The situation sounds both like a PITA and also pretty predictable, honestly. OP is acting like she can't imagine why there's an issue which is especially dense.

+1000

Agreed. I would have my difficult nephew over for a night at 4-5 years old, but did have to decline to take him for a full week at that age. That same nephew is now 7 and while still difficult, is so much more mature and able to understand behavioral expectations. I still wouldn't love having him for a week, but probably wouldn't say no again if asked.

OP, it sounds like you forgot what preschoolers were like and rushed the "favorite aunt" thing. You've got plenty of time for that, so don't assume that just because this week was too hard, an overnight or a weekend would be too hard forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking care of our 4yo nephew for a week, and whew! I love him to bits but he is also so exhausting. It is constant hands on management. We kind of need him to just go with the flow with our family as we have lots of competing obligations, activities and responsibilities.

But his expectations are the complete opposite. He expects to call ALL the shots and it’s been constant coaching him that he doesn’t get to boss everyone around and tell us how the day is going to go and how he expects us to bend to his every whim.

Also he just starts beating up on our kids who are older than him, and our kids are just too nice to fight back. I nipped that in the bud, but I don’t even know where that is coming from as I know he loves them, follows them around everywhere. But if they are not doing exactly what he wants them to do, that is his strategy.

And it is just constant demands. He wants us to take him to target to go buy him a toy. He wants us to take him to the ice cream shop to buy him an ice cream cone with sprinkles. He wants us to take him to the wood shop to buy wood to build him a tree fort. And he says it like “hey. I need to tell you something. I know exactly what we should do tomorrow. We’ll go out early in the morning and have an amazing adventure at target. And you will buy me this thing I saw at target that mommy won’t even buy for me.” And I’m like, yeah we’re not doing that tomorrow. We already have plans to do x”

Our kids would never have the gumption to even say something like that to their family members, so a part of me is like, why does he constantly think he is running the show here?

Also it’s things like having the last word. I might say, ok I’m going to cook up some “bacon, sausages, eggs, and waffles for breakfast.” And he’ll say, “ok you can cook the sausages and eggs, and make extra for me. Don’t make the waffles and bacon because I don’t want to eat it.” And I’ll say well I’ll make the waffles and bacon for everyone else. And he’ll say “NO! Only the eggs and sausages! I SAID I DONT WANT THE OTHER STUFF!!” And I’ll be like, sorry bud, you don’t get to tell us what we can cook or can’t cook in our house. But it’s stuff like this. It’s exhausting.

Is this an only child thing? Personality trait? Just stubbornness?

It’s your sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I honestly don’t think I can handle this. I’ve just finally started my life outside of the caretaking of our children back up again. Our kids are older and more responsible, but still never will be “easy” children. They are very opinionated, sensitive and stubborn too.. I have taken on other adult responsibilities.

I wanted to be that go to favorite aunt, so yes I go the extra mile. But now I’m just older, in my 50s and I’m tired. All our kids are gifted, which brings extra challenges. I’ve been diagnosed with adhd, and I get easily overwhelmed and exhausted.

I feel disappointed in myself for failing to meet their expectations and my own expectations.

It also didn’t help that this was just a “pleasure” trip for the parents. And part of me is disappointed in myself that I felt guilted into it and didn’t know my limits.

I mean nothing terrible happened. I just feel utterly drained, exhausted, and resentful, and I feel like a crappy person for not having warm and fuzzy feelings toward my nephew after a week of dealing with his shenanigans.

And to top it off, everybody here is dumping on me about how dense I am and unreasonable I am.

Tbh, you are dense but your feelings are totally valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Combination of innate personality traits, parenting style, and lack of having to accommodate siblings. It’s everything together!

+1. Parenting style and only child go hand in hand. When similar age siblings are in the mix you are naturally forced to compromise more and are more aware of give and take (“we went to the museum yesterday because you wanted that, Billy. tomorrow we are going to the playground, since that’s what Molly wants.”) I see this with my kids’ friends who have much older siblings (10+ years), because their experience is pretty similar to that of an only child. But nothing is universal, some kids are just less willing to compromise and are more oriented towards getting their “needs” (target run, laser tag, etc) met.

Agreed. Compromise is built in with siblings. Only kids with engaged parents get more attention and more of what they want to do on a daily basis, of course they start to feel entitled to that norm. IMO it’s good for you and your kids to push back and get him better acquainted with compromise.

Also agree that some kids are just more stubborn and vocal about getting their needs met. Again, good to push back on this although I do see how exhausting it must be!