Getting out of a relationship that I’m not completely sure how I got into

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to start out by saying I am not a troll regardless of how ridiculous this sounds. I bought a fixer upper and hired a general contractor to work on it. To say he is not my typical type is to put it mildly. The house has taken 5 months to work on and in that time somehow we are in some kind of undefined relationship that goes beyond the scope of what he initially came here for. I guess we saw too much of each other everyday and just became too comfortable and familiar with one another. We are both single and our relationship doesn’t extend beyond the house. We don’t go out on dates but we’ll spend days at a time together. The work is almost over and he keeps trying to find things to do to keep having a reason to come over. He also didn’t want to get paid for work he’s done but I insisted I pay him what’s fair but checks remain uncashed. There isn’t a future for us and I need to end this relationship gracefully. How do I go about doing this? [/quote
Interesting, you used him to get favorable contracting stuff, trashy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you married or divorced

I’m neither.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the biggest projects completed? Cut him loose.

Yes but I feel like that’s easier said than done.

Ya think? I mean, sister, you put yourself into a super weird situation because I'm guessing you don't know yourself very well and lack a backbone. So start remedying that. Do you fear what he might do if you cut it off?

Does she lack a backbone or does she lack boundaries and judgment? I can’t even imagine the trajectory that would lead me to sleep with a contractor. This guy better look like Chris Evans, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the biggest projects completed? Cut him loose.

Yes but I feel like that’s easier said than done.

Ya think? I mean, sister, you put yourself into a super weird situation because I'm guessing you don't know yourself very well and lack a backbone. So start remedying that. Do you fear what he might do if you cut it off?

Does she lack a backbone or does she lack boundaries and judgment? I can’t even imagine the trajectory that would lead me to sleep with a contractor. This guy better look like Chris Evans, OP.

Elitist much?

[Anonymous]

For the uncashed checks, you need to insist he cash them, or you cancel the checks and pay him in cash. That is so not ok.

Tell him the renovation is done (even if it’s not) you’re sorry you don’t see a ltr with him and you should never have slept with him and you’re sorry you let it happen. Basically - grow a spine and tell him the truth. Do it asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the biggest projects completed? Cut him loose.

Yes but I feel like that’s easier said than done.

Ya think? I mean, sister, you put yourself into a super weird situation because I'm guessing you don't know yourself very well and lack a backbone. So start remedying that. Do you fear what he might do if you cut it off?

Does she lack a backbone or does she lack boundaries and judgment? I can’t even imagine the trajectory that would lead me to sleep with a contractor. This guy better look like Chris Evans, OP.

Elitist much?

It’s interesting that you assume this is an “elitist” position and not just… not wanting to sleep with a guy I am getting paid services from. I wouldn’t sleep with my dentist or lawyer either (even if there weren’t ethics rules)! Look at how weird it’s getting for OP just to pay this guy and make him go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the uncashed checks, you need to insist he cash them, or you cancel the checks and pay him in cash. That is so not ok.

Tell him the renovation is done (even if it’s not) you’re sorry you don’t see a ltr with him and you should never have slept with him and you’re sorry you let it happen. Basically - grow a spine and tell him the truth. Do it asap.

There’s no need to tell this guy that she should’ve never gotten involved with him. That’s cruel and entirely unnecessary, even if true. She just needs to end it. The less information the better. He will probably predictably call her a B and tell her that she used him and blah blah blah, it doesn’t matter. She just needs this guy out of her life. I agree with canceling the checks and paying him cash. She needs to close all the doors. This guy is probably as unskilled with boundaries as she is and so she needs to cut off all the avenues.

You can do it OP. Also make sure he doesn’t have keys to your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to start out by saying I am not a troll regardless of how ridiculous this sounds. I bought a fixer upper and hired a general contractor to work on it. To say he is not my typical type is to put it mildly. The house has taken 5 months to work on and in that time somehow we are in some kind of undefined relationship that goes beyond the scope of what he initially came here for. I guess we saw too much of each other everyday and just became too comfortable and familiar with one another. We are both single and our relationship doesn’t extend beyond the house. We don’t go out on dates but we’ll spend days at a time together. The work is almost over and he keeps trying to find things to do to keep having a reason to come over. He also didn’t want to get paid for work he’s done but I insisted I pay him what’s fair but checks remain uncashed. There isn’t a future for us and I need to end this relationship gracefully. How do I go about doing this?

You should start by not having sëx with him anymore...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the biggest projects completed? Cut him loose.

Yes but I feel like that’s easier said than done.

Ya think? I mean, sister, you put yourself into a super weird situation because I'm guessing you don't know yourself very well and lack a backbone. So start remedying that. Do you fear what he might do if you cut it off?

Does she lack a backbone or does she lack boundaries and judgment? I can’t even imagine the trajectory that would lead me to sleep with a contractor. This guy better look like Chris Evans, OP.

Elitist much?

It’s interesting that you assume this is an “elitist” position and not just… not wanting to sleep with a guy I am getting paid services from. I wouldn’t sleep with my dentist or lawyer either (even if there weren’t ethics rules)! Look at how weird it’s getting for OP just to pay this guy and make him go away.

LOL, it’s very clear what you meant.

[Anonymous]

He thinks he is your boyfriend. Next, he expects to move in. Pretend it was a real relationship and end it in a similar way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are the biggest projects completed? Cut him loose.

Yes but I feel like that’s easier said than done.

Ya think? I mean, sister, you put yourself into a super weird situation because I'm guessing you don't know yourself very well and lack a backbone. So start remedying that. Do you fear what he might do if you cut it off?

Does she lack a backbone or does she lack boundaries and judgment? I can’t even imagine the trajectory that would lead me to sleep with a contractor. This guy better look like Chris Evans, OP.

Elitist much?

It’s interesting that you assume this is an “elitist” position and not just… not wanting to sleep with a guy I am getting paid services from. I wouldn’t sleep with my dentist or lawyer either (even if there weren’t ethics rules)! Look at how weird it’s getting for OP just to pay this guy and make him go away.

LOL, it’s very clear what you meant.

How was it “very clear?” I think your assumption here only reveals your own thought process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He thinks he is your boyfriend. Next, he expects to move in. Pretend it was a real relationship and end it in a similar way.

This. The whole background of how it started is super weird, but now you just need to break up with him like you would anyone else. There’s no need to go into how you shouldn’t have done it and regret it etc. Just say you have enjoyed spending time with him, but you no longer want to date him and goodbye.

[Anonymous]

My ex gf is in this situation with a guy. He practically lives with her one or two nights a week. They're always working on a new home improvement project. I guess he has more skills besides knowing how to hang drywall and paint. She's a little embarrassed because he's a high school dropout and she's a very successful professional, but they are comfortable with each other. She sees other men too, when she wants a different kind of interaction with a man.

[Anonymous]

Sell your fixer upper. What a horrible way to start out in a new to you home.

[Anonymous]

Have a grown up conversation.

Be honest about your feelings and what you want. Then don’t backslide.

That really is all you can do, and want you need to do.