Getting involved when a couple argues in front of you
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Anonymous
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OP here. I wrote the post badly by accident, not to troll.
The person creating these crappy tense situations is the wife in a couple where the husband is cool. What she’s done repeatedly is pile on when someone in a different couple in the circle has a tiff of any kind in a social setting. She seems to love the audience and she’s absolutely relentless in arguing when she’s not directly involved. It pisses me and DH off, but it’s also not our business, and she’s still invited to group type stuff - not by us. It’s gotten worse with time. Most recently, she decided it was her business to reference a long-running disagreement a couple (not me and DH - I wanted to clarify that because I don’t have a direct ax to grind with her so I wrote “third parties”) has about a room in their house, whether it should be a den or not. She - and to try and be clear, it’s not this woman’s house - brought up the disagreement and kept picking at one of these people. It got ugly fast and she wouldn’t stop, saying she “had to tell the truth and stand up for her friend” until the picked-on person finally shouted at her to leave. She flipped and said she had the right to her perspective in anyone’s house! It devolved from there. This woman who got thrown out of someone’s house is now trying to get others to agree that she was right. That the angry person was drunk and trying to keep her from having her opinion. I used to love her as a friend and I can’t stand her anymore, and I’m not even the person she’s going after. She’s convinced that she’s just speaking her mind. Her DH is cool. It’s just unbearable for me being around her, because I never want to spend time with her anymore. Others seem to think that’s just her - I’ve avoided gossiping about her IRL because she’s just so effing mean and I don’t want to deal. |
Anonymous
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That’s really bizarre.
Show up and cite arguments she overheard in the past and start arguments? Someone needs to tell her to Stop doing that or don’t show up anymore. Or all of you intervene and state that message. That’s F’d up. Never seen that and am quite social as were my parents with many holiday and lake house parties over the past 50 years. Never saw a guest conjur up fights other people had had before. Very odd. And odd you all supposedly didn’t nip this in the bud at first sight. |
Anonymous
NP here: That person is her "cool" husband. But I bet he's scared sh#tless of her. Has anyone broached the "cool" husband about his wife's lack of decorum? |
Anonymous
OP and I don’t think anyone has. Look, I don’t know how I can nip this in the bud and don’t think I can. I’m just not going to spend as much time in this larger group or any time at all one on one time with her and I had in the past. I find my tolerance for petty stuff is basically gone as I age. I can’t explain why she’s increasingly acted like this. I’ve known her under a decade, and this has been a bummer. She acts like she’s just scrappy and fun and she’s been a real beast. Of course she’d crumble being treated as she treats others but I guess I just don’t even want to engage unless she goes after DH or me or DC. |
Anonymous
| People who argue in front of other people at a social event are gauche. Take it outside or somewhere private and don't expect people to take sides. |
Anonymous
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Third parties who show up at parties to recite other couples’ former tiffs are really toxic.
Most hosts would have shown her the door years ago. There’s no ambiguity or controversy here. Other than why you are your friend are so confused about what to do. |