Flaky friend? Why is it so hard for people to communicate…

[Anonymous]

The woman's mom had just passed and she's probably still managing the estate or whatever, she had to help her aunt and cousin with an event, and she had her brother's birthday that weekend - all while carrying the weight of fresh grief from the mother's passing. Yet you browbeat this woman - who you haven't seen in years - over text for failing to communicate satisfactorily about hanging out with you when she's given clear signals she's overwhelmed and it's not a good time.

There is a person here who is not considerate, and it's not the friend.

[Anonymous]

She had a lot going on. She said she didn't have time and you insisted.

[Anonymous]

She doesn’t like you. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Wow, you really went overboard and her first long reply back to your criticism was very gracious, considering you were like a bull in a China shop.

From that exchange you are the one who struggles with communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

What does grieving have to do with being respectful and communicating with someone, even a quick text?

You are AWFUL. She is prioritizing her family during a time of grief. YOU never, ever told her you were coming down just to see her or that you were waiting just for her.

You are 100000% out of line. I would never speak to you again and seriously would assume you were a malignant narcissist.

This is one of the craziest things I've ever read on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Wow - HER MOTHER DIED AND SHE HAD FAMILY IN TOWN - give the woman a break!!! GEEZ!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

What does grieving have to do with being respectful and communicating with someone, even a quick text?

You are AWFUL. She is prioritizing her family during a time of grief. YOU never, ever told her you were coming down just to see her or that you were waiting just for her.

You are 100000% out of line. I would never speak to you again and seriously would assume you were a malignant narcissist.

This is one of the craziest things I've ever read on DCUM.

Agreed.

OP, your texts to this woman were out of line and completely rude. She is grieving, and still she was nice enough to respond to your first ahole text. I'm glad she didn't respond to your second. Who TF do you think you are?

You are a self-centered ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

What does grieving have to do with being respectful and communicating with someone, even a quick text?

The fact that you even have to ask that is so cringe.

Read the room. Her “quick text” had already happened. It was ti say “yeah I’m
Super busy but if I have time we can see each other” and she didn’t really have time and you aren’t her priority right now. Get over it. She was trying to tell you that in a nice way without saying “Omg my mom just died! I dont want to hang out with you when you come to town “
So instead she just left it open ended and a “we’ll see” situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you really went overboard and her first long reply back to your criticism was very gracious, considering you were like a bull in a China shop.

From that exchange you are the one who struggles with communication.

+1 It’s time for some self-reflection. If you can’t see that you were just over-the-top here (her initial long and gracious explanation wasn’t enough?) then I imagine you have a pattern of being disappointed by people, and not understanding your role. You were also not picking up on her cues to begin with (not responding several times, sharing her packed schedule); it seems you need very direct communication.

Nonetheless - she apologized and you sent yet another haranguing text? And this woman who has not been in your life in years is supposed to continue to hash this out with you and grovel for your forgiveness? Please leave her be.

[Anonymous]

I’m guessing OP is the friend whose mother passed away, crowd-sourcing. If so, OP I wouldn’t worry about it another second. This “friend” was way, way out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She doesn’t like you. Move on.

I don’t like OP either. They’re exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

What does grieving have to do with being respectful and communicating with someone, even a quick text?

The fact that you even have to ask that is so cringe.

Read the room. Her “quick text” had already happened. It was ti say “yeah I’m
Super busy but if I have time we can see each other” and she didn’t really have time and you aren’t her priority right now. Get over it. She was trying to tell you that in a nice way without saying “Omg my mom just died! I dont want to hang out with you when you come to town “
So instead she just left it open ended and a “we’ll see” situation.

But her mom didn’t just die though. It’s been a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

This. And it also doesn’t sound like you had confirmed plans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

This. And it also doesn’t sound like you had confirmed plans.

So what? Having no confirmed plans means you can’t keep someone in the loop?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She wonders why you have suddenly resurfaced and are acting oddly. She is concerned you are not stable and hopes you will fade away once again. Leave her be to reach out to you if she is interested.

+1
She probably suspects you are in an MLM. I ignore people who resurface because it's always that.