Flaky friend? Why is it so hard for people to communicate…

[Anonymous]

I hadn’t seen or talked to this friend in many years. I contacted her two weeks ago and she wasn’t very responsive. I contacted her a couple of more times and she finally got back to me. She told me her mother just passed the week prior. I told her I would be back in town in another two weeks, and I would like to see her. I told her I would be down her way Saturday and then leaving Sunday night. She said she had to help her cousin for an even on Saturday and her brother’s birthday was on Sunday so Saturday may be better for her. I asked her what time and she said she didn’t know what time her family would be leaving. We left it that. I drove down Saturday and texted her at 9am letting her know I was on my way and to let me know what time. I hadn’t heard from around 1 so I texted her again. She texted me at 3 and said she’d let me know. I responded 30 minutes later and said, “ Honestly are you going to be able to come out? Because if not I was going to head back home. I Was staying here to hopefully see you”. She said she honestly wasn’t sure because her family was still there. I said alright. She didn’t say anything else after that.

I texted her this morning and said, “ Hey…when we spoke last week was to confirm and give ample amount of time to plan and hang out with each other. I understand unpredicted situations came into pace however I feel it was extremely unfair with the outcome and how it was communicated. No hard feelings however I wish the best for you and all goes well”. Her response was, “ Hey…I completely understand. When we spoke about hanging out I thought the plans were contingent on my schedule, so I didn’t think things were confirmed, as far as time. I told you via text and on the phone things were dependent on my cousin and aunt’s for the event I was helping her get ready for. I didn’t know you had driven and stayed down here in hopes to see me (what you said yesterday afternoon). It was my understanding that you come down to see your family and stay the weekends, not just for the day. In fact, on Monday you texted saying you were going to leave Sunday night, so I thought I had more time/wiggle room, since I had no idea when my family would be leaving. If I had known prior to yesterday, that you determining how long you were staying was centered around seeing each othe, I would have told you it would be better to do it another time so that you wouldn’t be waiting on me. Again, because I was under the impression you were leaving Sunday night. Either way, I understand. I wish you well too.”.

I responded to her and said, “ Yep my plans was to stay until Sunday however you said Saturday was better for you which is why we planned for yesterday. It’s all good tho - at the end of the day my plan was to come and see you and the fact that I couldn’t receive a simple update says such. All I’m saying is if you plan something, stick with your word…..circumstances arise however communicate that - we agreed to meet yesterday and you didn’t provide any update and was lackluster….if you knew you were unable to, just say that early on…regardless it is what it is.”.
She didn’t respond.

Why are people so flaky and lack accountability? All she had to do was communicate.

[Anonymous]

You did not have confirmed plans. Why did you go anyway?

[Anonymous]

You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

[Anonymous]

you are super weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

Yeah, OP, read the room. Her mother just died. And even without that piece of information, I'm totally on her side. You made it sound like you were going to be in town and hoping to catch up with her if she was available (super weird since her mom just died, but ok). She was clear about her uncertain availability, and then you get mad and say your trip was contingent on her?

It's fine that you've written her off because I don't think she needs a friend like that right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

What does grieving have to do with being respectful and communicating with someone, even a quick text?

[Anonymous]

Leave give poor woman alone OP.

[Anonymous]

She's just not that into you. I'm sorry that your life light is dying and you are chasing former friends to try to revive it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

What does grieving have to do with being respectful and communicating with someone, even a quick text?

NP. Her mother had only just passed away a week prior? What on earth is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

Wait, what!?

Her mom passed away and you gave that half a sentence, but then spent multiple paragraphs talking about how difficult it was to try and communicate with her?

I think you are the one with the communication (and possibly empathy) problem here. Not her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

What does grieving have to do with being respectful and communicating with someone, even a quick text?

NP. Her mother had only just passed away a week prior? What on earth is wrong with you?

No, she passed away in early August.

[Anonymous]

She wonders why you have suddenly resurfaced and are acting oddly. She is concerned you are not stable and hopes you will fade away once again. Leave her be to reach out to you if she is interested.

[Anonymous]

Why did you force yourself on her? In no way did she say this weekend worked for her. You said you were coming any way not that you were coming for her. Then you try to manipulate? Ah hell nah.

[Anonymous]

You should have left it alone when you first contacted her and she was "not very responsive." This is not a person who wants to see you.
And, every communication after that made clear that she did not have time for your visit: she had other plans with family that weekend.
And, on top of that, you were the one who communicated you'd be available until Sunday, then got mad when she wasn't available on Saturday because you wanted to leave early. Y

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re not close, if you haven’t seen her or spoken to her in many years.

And you’re hounding her for an audience after her mother just died?! Shame on you. Her mother just died and you are giving her lectures on “keeping her word”? She is GRIEVING, you moron.

This. ^

Also OP, in general, not in your situation but people in general, they are more introverted and weird acting now due to overuse and dependence of smart phones and texting instead of having actual conversations on the phone or in person.

There are even "phone counselors" who specialize in helping people overcome the anxiety of speaking on the phone. * snort *