Boyfriend and I from very different backgrounds

[Anonymous]

You are entitled to a preference. That is what dating is for.
Find your best match

[Anonymous]

"I am highly educated and have a white-collar career." You are not that well educated, troll.

[Anonymous]

DH’s family is insane but he is not, so he has very firm boundaries with them. It has to come from him, OP. If you don’t see a very very firm initiative to protect you from the madness, I would think very long and hard about it. You are smart to be thinking about this now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH’s family is insane but he is not, so he has very firm boundaries with them. It has to come from him, OP. If you don’t see a very very firm initiative to protect you from the madness, I would think very long and hard about it. You are smart to be thinking about this now.

What are some of the boundaries he has in place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are from very different backgrounds. He is white and grew up poor in the inner city. he did not go to college and works a trade job that pays him decent money. I am black and grew up very well off in the suburbs. I highly educated and have a white collar career.

We have fun together and are both very well read and intelligent. I’m getting nervous as we get more serious that our differences may lead to problems down the line. I recently met his friends and they were honestly not the kind of people I would ever hang out with. He wants me to meet his family soon, and has mentioned that there are multiple alcoholics and drug addicts.

When it’s just the two of us we get along wonderfully. Do you think this can work?

This is the really big red flag to me.

We can’t choose family of origin but we do choose friends and they do influence us tremendously. If they are trashy people eventually your boyfriend will engage in the same behaviors.

Exactly. Birds of a feather and all that.
Honestly op it sounds like you're having a delayed rebellion.
You were supposed to do this as a teen early 20s.
Don't get pregnant
And end it before the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Break up now. Do you really want potential future kids to be around this? No.

[Anonymous]

I don’t engage with my in laws, not because of where DW came from but because they are racist and sexist. I believe everyone deserves the right to be judged by the person they are in the present.

Does he expect you to engage with them regularly or once a twice a year plus funerals and weddings? If the latter, I would not stress about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are from very different backgrounds. He is white and grew up poor in the inner city. he did not go to college and works a trade job that pays him decent money. I am black and grew up very well off in the suburbs. I highly educated and have a white collar career.

We have fun together and are both very well read and intelligent. I’m getting nervous as we get more serious that our differences may lead to problems down the line. I recently met his friends and they were honestly not the kind of people I would ever hang out with. He wants me to meet his family soon, and has mentioned that there are multiple alcoholics and drug addicts.

When it’s just the two of us we get along wonderfully. Do you think this can work?

Only you can answer that question.

My mom who came from a highly educated big family ended up marrying my dad, a plumber, who (unknown to her for awhile) was an alcoholic with anger issues. It got bad he ended up dying when I was an infant.

It wasn’t what he did for a living or his family that was the issue. Plumbers are wonderful and made great money! You’ll always have a job and you do something that makes a difference. It was the alcoholism and the anger issues. After he died we still had to go see his family. I don’t speak to them anymore as an adult because they did not help my mom and made excuses for his awful behavior (there’s police reports/ court reports etc so it’s not just made up- I went looking for this information). Luckily I was told about alcoholism on that side and don’t drink or ever tried drugs for the above reasons.

I do think it can work, but I think it requires work on both sides and that your partner has a good support system to fall back on if needed. My dad’s friends had issues so he didnt really have role models. The friends did not dissuade my dad from this bad behavior. His parents were also alcoholics and treated my mom horribly. It’s not about how you grew up or what you do for a career more about the company you keep and how you act and treat others imho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are from very different backgrounds. He is white and grew up poor in the inner city. he did not go to college and works a trade job that pays him decent money. I am black and grew up very well off in the suburbs. I highly educated and have a white collar career.

We have fun together and are both very well read and intelligent. I’m getting nervous as we get more serious that our differences may lead to problems down the line. I recently met his friends and they were honestly not the kind of people I would ever hang out with. He wants me to meet his family soon, and has mentioned that there are multiple alcoholics and drug addicts.

When it’s just the two of us we get along wonderfully. Do you think this can work?

I'm not going to say that background isn't important.

However, consider that everyone comes from somewhere. Some people with each of your backgrounds run like hell from those things because they want a different life than they came from for whatever reason. Sometimes, what your life is like now matters more than what you came from. You mention that you met his friends and don't want to hang out with them. Are these his adult friends, now, or his childhood friends, from then?

Truthfully, it is more likely that your family will see him as an unsuitable partner for you than that his family will be the problem here.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, girl, no, you will regret it. No love is enough to bridge this gap. Marty your own.

[Anonymous]

Marry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are from very different backgrounds. He is white and grew up poor in the inner city. he did not go to college and works a trade job that pays him decent money. I am black and grew up very well off in the suburbs. I highly educated and have a white collar career.

We have fun together and are both very well read and intelligent. I’m getting nervous as we get more serious that our differences may lead to problems down the line. I recently met his friends and they were honestly not the kind of people I would ever hang out with. He wants me to meet his family soon, and has mentioned that there are multiple alcoholics and drug addicts.

When it’s just the two of us we get along wonderfully. Do you think this can work?

Are you people too naive to not see that this is clearly a faux post?

[Anonymous]

This isn’t going to work.

[Anonymous]

Do you really want to expose your future children to the rest of his family? I say that because it sounds like their aunts/uncles/grandparents would be drug addicts ? And their cousins would be raised in such homes?

I feel bad for the man because he brought none of this upon himself, but would be concerned that your different backgrounds would be an issue in raising children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I are from very different backgrounds. He is white and grew up poor in the inner city. he did not go to college and works a trade job that pays him decent money. I am black and grew up very well off in the suburbs. I highly educated and have a white collar career.

We have fun together and are both very well read and intelligent. I’m getting nervous as we get more serious that our differences may lead to problems down the line. I recently met his friends and they were honestly not the kind of people I would ever hang out with. He wants me to meet his family soon, and has mentioned that there are multiple alcoholics and drug addicts.

When it’s just the two of us we get along wonderfully. Do you think this can work?

Are you people too naive to not see that this is clearly a faux post?

Intention?