Friend asked DD9 to cat sit - vent

[Anonymous]

What? No way! My neighbors at the end of the street have asked DD to feed their cat on occasion, but that's just a one minute walk.

Ridiculous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just write back, “ahh, wish she could! With school and activities, I don’t think she could fit the round trip in her schedule. Thanks for thinking of her.”

This! Why are you so angry? Just say no.

I would be angry too. It shows a complete lack of sensitivity to driving conditions around here, and the life of a working parent with kids' activities to get to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it fun being a ***** all the time.

Her friend is a cheapskate. Did she even think about the mother’s time ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just write back, “ahh, wish she could! With school and activities, I don’t think she could fit the round trip in her schedule. Thanks for thinking of her.”

This! Why are you so angry? Just say no.

I would be angry too. It shows a complete lack of sensitivity to driving conditions around here, and the life of a working parent with kids' activities to get to.

Op here. Yes, upon reflection, this is it. If it was a neighbor asking, I’d be thrilled for DD to take on this responsibility.

But this adds a lot to my (already full) plate. My friend has a history of not thinking of how things impact others, and so I think that was part of my vent too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"That won't work for our schedule, sorry!"

This
It’s one thing to do it for a close by neighbor. I would never ask someone to do from 20 mins away.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would just write back, “ahh, wish she could! With school and activities, I don’t think she could fit the round trip in her schedule. Thanks for thinking of her.”

This! Why are you so angry? Just say no.

I would be angry too. It shows a complete lack of sensitivity to driving conditions around here, and the life of a working parent with kids' activities to get to.

Op here. Yes, upon reflection, this is it. If it was a neighbor asking, I’d be thrilled for DD to take on this responsibility.

But this adds a lot to my (already full) plate. My friend has a history of not thinking of how things impact others, and so I think that was part of my vent too.

I get it. But a polite no is fine here!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reality check. I will calm it down and reply as suggested.

I think I'm just frustrated because I have so many balls in the air and daily obligations (as most of us parents do) and it felt like my friend was overstepping.

Thank you all!

How was she overstepping? She asked and SHE ASKED YOU! It seems that you are upset that she only offered $10/hr.
I can't help but wonder if she had offered $20/hr for your time and gas, you would be perfectly fine. If your friend visits DCUM, you needn't worry because she will know what a jerk you are and retreat from you forever.

[Anonymous]

To me this falls into the category of parental sacrifice to help your child learn the value of labor and earning a little money. Your focus on the commute and your impulse to ask for more is petty and misguided. The lesson here for your DD and the sense of accomplishment she will have is worth the inconvenience to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reality check. I will calm it down and reply as suggested.

I think I'm just frustrated because I have so many balls in the air and daily obligations (as most of us parents do) and it felt like my friend was overstepping.

Thank you all!

How was she overstepping? She asked and SHE ASKED YOU! It seems that you are upset that she only offered $10/hr.
I can't help but wonder if she had offered $20/hr for your time and gas, you would be perfectly fine. If your friend visits DCUM, you needn't worry because she will know what a jerk you are and retreat from you forever.

Well… yeah. She offered DD $10/visit which is low but I guess fine since DD is 9. I’m a professional working parent with three kids in elementary school. I’m not a pet sitter, and asking me to facilitate this for DD seems like an overstep.

To be clear, if she was in the hospital or her flight got delayed or something, I’d do it in a heartbeat and of course not expect payment. But I’m not a pet sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To me this falls into the category of parental sacrifice to help your child learn the value of labor and earning a little money. Your focus on the commute and your impulse to ask for more is petty and misguided. The lesson here for your DD and the sense of accomplishment she will have is worth the inconvenience to you.

DD can get the same lessons babysitting and pet sitting in the neighborhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reality check. I will calm it down and reply as suggested.

I think I'm just frustrated because I have so many balls in the air and daily obligations (as most of us parents do) and it felt like my friend was overstepping.

Thank you all!

How was she overstepping? She asked and SHE ASKED YOU! It seems that you are upset that she only offered $10/hr.
I can't help but wonder if she had offered $20/hr for your time and gas, you would be perfectly fine. If your friend visits DCUM, you needn't worry because she will know what a jerk you are and retreat from you forever.

Yeah, no. This isn't true no matter how many times you post.

The people who always think "I'm just asking, you can say no" are the epitome of jerkiness. It puts the burden of refusal and its associated social pressure squarely on the other person, which is unfair and leads to justifiable resentment. Those people have no trouble saying no themselves when asked for favors, since they're not socially aware and therefore insensitive to the social pressure of being pleasant and helpful.

I have lived this. My husband is one of those people who asks for ridiculous favors, and thinks that's fine because "people can always say no". He is incapable of putting himself in other people's shoes, and never thinks of the burden on others.

Don't be like that. Unsurprisingly, he has no friends, and I'm trying to find a way to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reality check. I will calm it down and reply as suggested.

I think I'm just frustrated because I have so many balls in the air and daily obligations (as most of us parents do) and it felt like my friend was overstepping.

Thank you all!

How was she overstepping? She asked and SHE ASKED YOU! It seems that you are upset that she only offered $10/hr.
I can't help but wonder if she had offered $20/hr for your time and gas, you would be perfectly fine. If your friend visits DCUM, you needn't worry because she will know what a jerk you are and retreat from you forever.

DP. It's not worth $20 either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me this falls into the category of parental sacrifice to help your child learn the value of labor and earning a little money. Your focus on the commute and your impulse to ask for more is petty and misguided. The lesson here for your DD and the sense of accomplishment she will have is worth the inconvenience to you.

DD can get the same lessons babysitting and pet sitting in the neighborhood.

Offer in hand is worth two in the bush.

Also, 9 year olds get babysat. They don’t babysit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the reality check. I will calm it down and reply as suggested.

I think I'm just frustrated because I have so many balls in the air and daily obligations (as most of us parents do) and it felt like my friend was overstepping.

Thank you all!

How was she overstepping? She asked and SHE ASKED YOU! It seems that you are upset that she only offered $10/hr.
I can't help but wonder if she had offered $20/hr for your time and gas, you would be perfectly fine. If your friend visits DCUM, you needn't worry because she will know what a jerk you are and retreat from you forever.

Yeah, no. This isn't true no matter how many times you post.

The people who always think "I'm just asking, you can say no" are the epitome of jerkiness. It puts the burden of refusal and its associated social pressure squarely on the other person, which is unfair and leads to justifiable resentment. Those people have no trouble saying no themselves when asked for favors, since they're not socially aware and therefore insensitive to the social pressure of being pleasant and helpful.

I have lived this. My husband is one of those people who asks for ridiculous favors, and thinks that's fine because "people can always say no". He is incapable of putting himself in other people's shoes, and never thinks of the burden on others.

Don't be like that. Unsurprisingly, he has no friends, and I'm trying to find a way to leave.

It must be really exhausting to think like this. I am so sorry for you.

[Anonymous]

We had a neighbor ask our kid to take care of several cats and a dog for a week. The job was $10 a day vs an adult pet sitter would charge $80 a day. He fed and walked the dog daily. But our son didn’t know that the litter boxes needed to be scooped, he just fed and watered the cats.

The neighbor came home to cat poo and pee everywhere.